I wrote stuff. (original) (raw)

I wrote stuff.

Act 1. The Lusty Telvanni Mage-lords

Aryon: Ah, yes, Baladas. It is a privilege to be in your company. I have been building these animunculi as you’ve proposed.
Demnevanni: Yes, my friend and fellow Dwemer affecionado! Have you kept in mind the grip which this centurion is to have?
Aryon: Without a doubt. It comes with gloves. The subject is speared from this angle. My protegee, what do you say about this? It looks comfortable enough. Since you are heading over to negotiate with the tribes, we want you to be in your prime.
Wizard: Master! You can’t possibly be—

Fyr: Hurry up! My spear isn’t going to bite itself.
Aryon: *waves* You know, student of mine, it is not good to keep three Telvanni mage-lords waiting. There, now. Show them what I’ve taught you about Dunmeri traditions of belly-magic.
Wizard: But, Master… The automatron’s spear looks uncomfortable. I would rather help you polish yours.
Demnevanni: I thought you were a fellow enthusiast of Dwemer studies.
Fyr: *sets up Yargrum Bagarn’s toy*
Aryon: Mmm. Yagrum Bagarn makes the finest toys.
Fyr: *starts fiddling with the buttons* Hm. Mmm.
Wizard: Alright, Master. I am now prepared. Allow me to oil the Centurion’s parts.
Aryon: Of course. Here, put on this Daedra Skin. Fyr often comes into contact with Corprus, and you may catch something from him. Also, you may want to take some netch elixir to help with your endurance, as such experimentation will be very lengthy and it will take its toll.
Demnevanni: Let me help you with the lube.
Wizard: Thank you, sir.
Fyr: Aryon son, I have been playing with my daughters, and—
Aryon: Ran out of those potions? Fetch our dear guest some Exquisite Rising Force Potions.
Wizard: Yes, Master.

Act 2. Baking for Crassius

Aryon: Come here, Altmer. Let us practise baking. You shall make muffins and sweetrolls. A diplomatic mission to Crassius Curio of House Hlaalu is in the works, and the man has a sweet tooth of sorts.
Wizard: Master, must I do this while tied up?
Aryon: You’re undoubtedly intelligent, but your willpower, dare I say, is lacking. This is simply a way of training. Consider it a test of sorts.
Wizard: *wriggles* I’m sorry. I should not have questioned you.
Aryon: *smiles* No, it is very good of you to ask. I am proud of your sharp and critical mind. Now, let us begin.
Aryon helps to knead the Wizard’s dough.
Wizard: My dough—
Aryon: Hm?
Wizard: Don’t knead my muffins like that…
Aryon: Ah, but look at how your flour is rising.
Wizard: …
Aryon: Have you finished greasing the oven?
Wizard: Yes, Master. Please put your portion in my oven.
Aryon: You forgot something.
Wizard: Ah! The glazing!
Aryon: *smiles* Is that how you make a request?
Wizard: Master…
Aryon: Well, then. I’ll continue pounding the dough.
Wizard: *swallows his pride* Please, Master.
Aryon: Please what?
Wizard: Please squirt your hot glazing on my sweetroll!

I'd post the cap dumps, but I'm lazy. In summary, at least I didn't make a pun about how you have to bake it until it's golden.