Findings. (original) (raw)
Okay but can anyone articulate the mindset that leads older people to feel like they NEED to know people’s gender identity all the time? Like what’s going on there
Cause it feels like I’ve had a hundred xonversations with cis straight people around 40-60 years old that goes like
Person: Did you see that?
Me: See what?
Person: That. It, him, whatever they’re called
Me: (Sees a femme with masculine features)
Me: What about them
Person: Well what is that? He’s dressed in women’s clothes, so is he-it, they- What does that mean?
Me: I mean. If you’re concerned about pronouns you can probably ask
Person: But do I call it a Mister or a miss?
Me: Well uh. That depends on what they tell you but “them” is usually safe…. but based on their makeup, hair, and heels I don’t think they’d be mad if you assumed thry were a lady
Me: So like. I’d say she’s probably just. Here for the event
Person: That’s fine, I get that, I don’t have a problem with trans people, I just don’t get how you’re supposed to know
Person: Like how do you know if someone is transsexual or just cross dressing?
Me: Uhhhhhhhh
Me: I mean
Me: I don’t know. Any cross dressers. Who would be offended by being pronoun’d by their outfit. But like.
Me: I guess if you choose wrong. And they correct you. Then you just…. apologize and use what they tell you?
Me: …. Do you plan on talking to them?
Person: No
Me: Then why d. Why does it matter
Person: I’m just trying to understand
Me: And that’s great! But like. You don’t need to
Person: What
Me: You don’t need to. Necessarily. Understand. You know?
Person: Huh
Me: They’re here for the event. You don’t have to interact with them. In two hours they’ll go home and you’ll never see them again
Person: I’m just confused
Me: You’re allowed to be confused
Me: You can stay confused
Me: It’s not illegal
Like
I don’t know how applied statistics works
Thats fine
I’m probably gonna die confused about that one
I don’t need romance know the gender and physiology and medical history of a random stranger I’m never gonna talk to
Why do you need to know
Do you think they’re gonna quiz you before they leave
Are you worried you’re gonna get a bad grade
Lots of interesting explanations in the comments, but if we can get solutions-oriented for a minute, one approach, if the person seems to be coming from a well-meaning place, is to remind them of how, up until fairly recently, it was considered normal/expected/required for a woman’s marital status–Miss or Mrs.–to be announced along with her name.
The first women to ask to be called Ms were faced with a lot of questions, both well-meaning and not, from people who felt entitled to the information that Mrs. or Miss would provide, or at least to an explanation of why the woman preferred to use the new prefix.
The elder in question may even remember/have participated in this transition! And now, a lot of people still use Mrs or Miss, but Ms is now a fairly standard option, and we generally accept that a woman’s marital status is not necessarily pertinent information. If you ask a lot of questions about why so-and-so is a Ms, you’re the one making it weird.
Similarly, we now sometimes don’t know a person’s gender. That’s might feel a little strange, because we’re used to that datapoint being fairly obvious from a person’s appearance, but we don’t actually need to know. If it becomes relevant, we’ll find out; if the person wants us to know, they’ll say something.