there is nothing you can feel but your chemical wedding & your chemical peel (original) (raw)
| long time no see~saw? | |
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| 09:53am 02/05/2005 | |
| hello to everyone i have neglected for so long, i know i say this over and over and over again but, i may be making a somewhat comeback to this place. we'lll seee.p.s - i heart u and still think of you offten Cass and bloody bobbie!. | |
| welcome home | |
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| 11:38am 24/11/2002 | |
| hi! i wanted to share some snapshots from some of my favorite places in my apartment.besides that i've been super busy. i have tons to tell you but i have to save it for a friends only thing. | |
| wednesday | |
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| 09:02pm 13/11/2002 | |
| i start the day in the usual way, then think well why not & stop for a coffee. then begin to recall things that you say. no ones at the door. you suggest a ghost perhaps a phantom. i made steak b/w corn & potatoes for my baby tonight. & i know what i want to be when i grow up. a housewife. who says you can't be a feminist housewife? on the contrary. i can be anything i want to be, my mommy told me so. but seriously, i enjoy pleasing my man & cleaning the house & crocheting & doing the dishes even. but until then i have starbucks. when i got off work today i went to pay a visit to my best (girl)friend suzie. she had been skiing all weekend & i hadn't seen her for a few days. she is a dog groomer & works in the same building as the dog daycare i used to work for. i got to play with some of my old k-9 friends like olivia. after i left there i headed for the courthouse to take care of a speeding ticket. this took forever, as does grown up things you really don't want to be doing always do. finally headed home to check my messages & change out of my frappucino drenched work clothess. i'm in dire need of some new shoes. slipped on some jeans & my pin-striped blazer. made a few obligatory return calls & headed out again. as soon as i slammed the door behind me i realized i locked my keys in the house. including my car keys. so after much deliberation & hesitation i grabbbed a ladder and attempted to climb to the living room window (jordan & i live on the 2nd floor of an old house). when i got to the top i chickened out & climbed back down. after 3 episodes like this i finally plucked up enough courage & got to my window, climbed in and headed out. on the road again. got some gas, cigarettes & my car washed. then to the grocery store to pick up steak for jordan's dinner, potatoe bread, tuna, capri sun & seltzer water. came back home to find my honey here before me for once. he works odd hours & i can never know when he will be off. sometimes 10am, sometimes 11pm. the only thing for certain is that he goes in at 730am. he is on call 24/7. sometimes he has to leave in the middle of the night for his work. he does water/fire restoration for a company called rainbow international. one time he had to clean up after a man who committed suicide. & another after a meth lab. but usually fire damage and floods. anyway, i've been spending enough time with you tonight. it's now time to get into my pajamas, curl up in front of the television & snuggle with my honey. | |
| a persian we call cajun | |
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| 02:42am 11/11/2002 | |
| i had a very nice weekend. it was great to finally be able to spend 2 consecutive days with jordan. yesterday we spent the entire day with his family. at some point we went to dairy queen and i rediscovered cherry cheesecake blizzards. hadn't had one of those since 8th grade or so. we watched monsters, inc. i never thought i'd like it but i completely did. i want to get that. & lolita & sleeping beauty. jordan's little brother jamie is great. typical conversation with him:me: hey jamie? him: hi. me: how are you doing?him: spectacular. (in monotone)i guess you had be there. but i love his sarcasm & sense of humor. anyway, tonight i went out for coffee with ryan & bobby. i drank 4 cups & when ryan & i dropped bobby off at his house i had to piss, mad. bobby is a bingo addict. dear thing is oh so easily stressed, haha, & he chooses bingo as a hobby. i think he rocks so much, super fun & absolutley entertaining. i did his make-up for him on halloween. he was a geisha, he pulled it off so well. bobby helped to get me the job at starbucks and has since been relieved of his duties there. fucking pricks. we should all get fired. ran into dija & cat tonight. haven't seen them in ages. this isn't gonna go anywhere from this point. goodnight. | |
| cherry cheese cake blizzard revisited | |
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| 02:41am 10/11/2002 | |
| hot hands, cold feet. starring at the lava lamp on jordan's dresser attempting to be lulled asleep by the cure's disintegration. not happening yet so i'm here. my second try at that tonight. i had (past tense) typed up an entry that took me an hour, but also was not happening due to a system failure. i want to not be so impatient. i want to be more patient. but how do i go about doing that? i had a lot more that i wanted to say but now i am just exhausted. working overtime but not getting paid overtime is a bitch. is the sadness from having to accept the fact that i have to work until i'm gray? that jordan is leaving for 4 days? or the old excuse of pms? ah yeah, that good old scapegoat. so lucky to have that & not to be a boy with bottled up sadness & no lj to vent to. i'm here for you to vent to baby, i love you. if even that only makes sense to me... remembering my generic plaid converse on my daddy's passenger side floor, on our way to the music shop to search for that one cd single i'd been looking to add to my collection forever. thinking i'm gonna be billy joe armstrong's girlfriend one day. then to be struck down by the fact that he is married to adrien & has a baby. but now all that is behind me & mellon collie & the infinite sadness too. i mean the album, not a rip off by no means to my state. & yet when i hear it, i still think of you. i started wearing red skittles for lipstick again, i'll suck my tongue in remembrance of you. those pink Rips i always wanted and now have. thinking "you can never go home again"... to the dreaded sunday nights returning to jr. high on monday mornings, were so easy. missing the comfort & yet at the time always waiting for the day when i could be living in my own place with a responsible & handsome & affectionate boyfriend, & maybe even that puppy. i always wanted and now have. sleeping sound in our canopy bed. goodnight. | |
| first let's just unzip your religion down | |
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| 12:11pm 06/11/2002 | |
| i got the new tori amos album -- scarlet's walk. it deserves a million stars. i love it to death and i nearly have it all memorized by now and i bought it on saturday. i had to get the limited edition one. it came with the cd, a dvd, polaroid_ish_ pictures, stickers, & a little moon charm. richard bought his at the same time i did and he got a little star charm. ryan got a little pink lizard, kristen got a charm of cowboy jeans, & bobby says he didn't get anything. but ryan and i think he was too excited and opened his too quick and lost it. poor thing. i have tickets to see her on dec. 5. aaaah, i cannot wait. and i promise, the entire new album will be memorized by that time. she had better perform crazy, wednesday, i can't see new york & gold dust.so my apartment is haunted. the office for sure. the day after halloween i went in there and the scanner was in the laundry basket, the table turned upside down, papers scattered array, etc. i asked jordan if he did it. he didn't and neither did i. wierd eh? unless someone broke it. but i doubt that. i'm not scared though, now i don't have to feel so lonely when jordan isn't at home. halloween went pretty tame. yet the decorating was a blast. we painted red light district on the window with tempera, a mariah careyesque(PUKE*#&$) woman on the front door and tones of red light bulbs. some losers showed up without a costume, but the ones who really mattered where all in drag. richard was mary katherine gallagher & shirley manson at the end of the night. ryan was a dominatrix, suzie was a burlesque alice in wonderland, & so on. i was the vampire bat i had planned to be. next year i want to be a bride. who's? someone's, but only pretend.the 4th was our 5 month anniversary. he will be leaving for arizona on the last tuesday of the month, for 4 days. i'm contemplating working on thanksgivng. time and a half sounds nice to me, + i won't be working past 330pm. jordan gets back on the 29th with 2 of his brothers, i have to pick them up from the airport. & i will from now on have sundays off. potentially gettting a second job. at my first job, earth pig music. used music/head shop. hopefully.heart |
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| sewing machine won't slow | |
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| 01:24pm 27/10/2002 | |
| ~virgin air freshener~cherry car scentblue eyeshadow~black eyeshadowyellow eyeshadowpink eyeshadow red eyeshadowvacuum the car. do the dishes. wash my hair.so far those are my plans for my day off tomorrow. i have to close tonight. ech. at this moment howver i am at my mom's house. jordan is a changing his oil & we are waiting for lunch to be finished. my mom & my aunt marion are making a ham & mashed potatoes & green beans * baked beans & yum i'm so hungry. happy sunday to you. | |
| wine opens your mind | |
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| 05:28pm 25/10/2002 | |
| today was fun. slash the episode in the bathroom where i had to model my new blue bra for my oma, mom, & aunt. but seeing as how my mom bought it for me... i should display it. i got some pretty christmas cards to send out to family and friends this year. portraits for mary and baby jesus. i'm turning into suzi home maker more and more each day, but i love it. i love making jordan happy, as happy as he makes me. i just sent my dad an email. stuff i've been wanting to tell him for a while, but just couldn't find the time to. things like how proud i am to be his daughter, etc. & i'm feeling a little emotional right now. but in a good way. i guess the mixture of a good day, rose wine, and vicatin will do that to you. so relaxed and now i am leaving for shopping with jordan and richard. have a nice weekend. | |
| why must we pray screaming? | |
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| 10:07pm 24/10/2002 | |
| i hate waking up sad. & it's usually attributed to the absence of jordan. he works early in the morning and leaves by 7:AM. last night i had a dream that jason (as in voorhies, friday 13th) was trying to kill me and my friend suzie and some random guy she is dating at the time, then i woke up, freezing. seeing as how our heater isn't working (or we can't figure it out that is) & snatched some of the vblankets away from him and he asked me if i was ok. i told him i was having a nightmakre anbd he asked if i wanted to talke about it. no. but it was so sweeet of him to get me some water in my spider mug from work. speaking of which... i now work at starbucks. & have been there for almost 5 months now. a darn record for me. & i totally enjoy it. i work with such a diverse bunch of people. i can't complain about the hours too much becuase they rock too. fluctuating. only i can complain about cklosing becuase we close at 11pm. ick! so that's less time to see jordan. but yeah, absence makes the heart grow fonder kina thing and i still get to sleep next to him & see his sweet sleeping face. ~i have big big plans for hall0oween this year! my best friends and i are throwing a halloween party (slash birthday party, suzie turns 22 on the 30th) with over 40 ppl invited. i am going to be a vampire bat. i got this humongous black bat wings with feathers. i got a black dress, simple but with tons of cleavage space (the theme of our party is burlesque), some vertical striped black and black sheer thigh highs (lace topped), porcelain palor, & other what-nots. i'm soooo looking forward to it! anyway, i'll tell you all about it.& as for now. well right now i'm feeling a bit disoriented, having popped a couple of dolls (vicatin) downed with some champagne. i feel ok. i just get impatient when jordan is not here... all i can think about sometimes is him getting home when i'm here alone. otherwise i just find something to do to occupy my time. such as paint. i finally finished my acrylic on mirror of the sacred heart. but nothing like my the tattoo on my neck. i like this apartment that we found. it's the upstairs to an old victorian (circa 1890 i'm guessing) with hard wood floors and gas appliances. the works. the lady we share the house with (in the apartment below us) is really awesome too. she is 10 years older than me, but you'd never know. jordan and i don't smoke in the house (unless it's too cold outside) so we smoke on our from porch and the other night she opened her window and was crying. she couldn't find coki (her black cutie cat she's had for over 8 yrs). so we consoled her and invited her up for pizza. she smoked us out on THE BEST kb* i have ever had. that our first encounter with her, as in acutally hanging out. & i have to say it was a great one. she did end up finding coki. turns out he was locked in the house next door's cellar, for 2 days! poor baby. so when she found him she came running up my stairs screaming and shouting and told me th good news. i was so happy. so we celebrated with some wine and cat food (he got th food, we got the wine ;0) but at that point i was already to' up. i had some vicatin & champagne just before and then we smoked some of her kb. then suzie came over and we went out for pitchers. i ended up getting home (making it an early night) around ten thirty, brushing my teeth and passing out. around 2 am i woke up sick as fuck and already hugn over. so i vomited, drank a ton of water, took some anacin and passed out again till i had to get up early for work. ick, the smell of espresso and a hang over does not mix well together. but i survived. & before i go a word about espresso. if you go to starbucks and order a cappuccino (assuming you have a descent barista) expect your cup to be filled with half steamed milk and espresso and half foam. for that is what a cappuccino is damnit. k luv ya bye. <3*kb = kind bud | |
| my knees are open to the sun | |
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| 12:01am 16/10/2002 | |
| i desire hima lot has changed for me in the last 6 months. i ended a five year relationship, turned 21, moved into my parents house minus the parents add 3 best friends, turned one best friend into the best boyfriend/friend i could have ever dreamed of, lost my opa, moved back out of my parents to live with my boyfriend, gained my oma, acquired a stable job, proved myself responsible, worked my way out of financial hardship, & what comes next? takes a deep breath... *sigh*... god only knows. but i'm ready for whatever it is.hey how are ya? i'm good. thought i'd pay my old friend a visit and release some finger clicking i've been in dire need of, though i had been denying it. if it were up to me, we would not have got the net. but jordan wanted it and it's free. now that i'm here it feels good. i have so much more to tell you. but the main thing is that most of my wishes have been coming true and i couldn't be happier. | |
| peeling mangos on a fold out couch | |
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| 07:22pm 19/06/2002 | |
| so much to say so little time. & my looong over due return has come. yet i'm not so sure i have any one to return to here. seeing as how i have neglected most of you... well, all of you. i don't have any excuses for that, only that i chose to live my life rather than spend my free time on the void. i can say that i have thought you immensley & you know who you are. i could type apologies until my finger tips bleed, and i should. but i hope this little paragraph will suffice. just know that you are always and have always been in my heart no matter what. both of you for what it's worth.& so on... i'm back at my parents house, w/o the parents. they left me and my 3 bestest friends in the whole world (one being my brand new boyfriend as well now too) the house for the entire summer rent free (them being in germany to handle family matters and such). utilities only, so i cannot complain about that. as a matter of fact, i can't complain at all. i finally got what i wanted. j the fuck buddy is more than that now, we have made it official. not jesus. i couldn't be more extatic about this. he treats me so good and we mesh together almost perfectly. i've had so much change and rearranged for me in past few months that there in no possible way for me to say now, but i will. i just felt i owed this also neglected journal a fresh page. do you even remember me? | |
| ease myself into a body bag | |
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| 03:50pm 28/03/2002 | |
| terrible bad *smacks wrists* each. how have you been? good. long time no see. the usual garb. age. have got things worked out with j the fuck buddy. for the most part. but what to do if he gets a girlfriend. i don't want a boyfriend. haven't spoken with victor in nearly a month. just working and living. very lame & one day i will return again with more. | |
| i'm leaving my laundry here to dry | |
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| 07:18pm 04/03/2002 | |
| not much too much to say. i've more or less moved in with ryan only not paying rent, just being their make shift made/ resident pot smoker. it's a'ight. come home occasionally to get a change of clothes for the week, see my kitties, give my mommy a kiss. so i apologize for my absence and lack of emails to the ones i love. | |
| smelling like a rose somebody gave me on my birthday death bed | |
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| 03:04pm 22/02/2002 | |
| went out for drinks my berry first time last night. had a round of free heineken's and mai tai. should have opted for the bloody mary with pepper. next time i promise. all and all 21 feels like 20 and all keep asking me if i feel any different. don't ask cos i cannot. i just wanna sit on this voluptuous pink rip.the party didn't go ask expected on the 20th, seeing as how the dolls were un attainable, but will be this weekend so let the rolling hence on the flip side, or in la mens terms, wednesday. still indulged in plethoras of fruity puckers: raspberry, apple & peachy keen. bowl after bowl on pink rip boy's mattress of patch work sheets and stains. & the obligatory flirt mafiasso.i got a birthday package today from my beautiful gory boy, bloody booby, bobby dolly. Miss Little Big Eyes adorned in a knitted sweater with a big red heart on her bust, yellow hair and interchangeable eyes (LIKE BLYTH!), i prefer the pink eyes dont shoot till you see the whites of their eyes. even a picture of a not so long ago but many centuries ago mini gory boy on a little yellow flower, kindergarten bobby? i love him ever so. & that goes straight to the walls of my boudoir. | |
| in glossy supple or soft | |
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| 04:26pm 19/02/2002 | |
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| god sometimes you just don't come through | |
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| 03:17pm 18/02/2002 | |
| need a woman to look after for you... "jenny, say something profound." reply hazy, try again later.i've already received a plethora of gifts... i love not having to wait 'til the day of the day to get what i get. my father bought me to record only water for ten days yesterday. suzi & i met up with rain last night and went of montagues for lattes and biscotti. half latte half breve 2 shots of hazelnut no foam -- my poison. i have not seen rain in at least 3 moths and yet he still remembered my birthday. me olive drab bleach stained gray and all. he gave me a silver necklace with a silver high-heeled slipper charm dangling off the chain. berry fitting. i have a little pink plastic generic barbie doll shoe that i may add to it. or not. my father & i ate at a buffet yesterday. all-you-can-eat, and yet the only appetizing choice was the rice & mushroom gravy. victor will be taking me to an australian steak house on sunday and buying me tons of stuff. also suggested matam fez, moroccan cuisine. i'd rather binge on alice springs chicken however. sunday BLOODY sunday. don't ask about that situation, cos i'm done dwelling in it. grocery list:dog foodground beefpeanut buttercocteau twinscapri suntamponsyan & i are going to pick up my mom from the airport on wednesday. her plane arrives at 4:20 pm my birthday. suzi is picking up the pills in denver that day too. but not with my mom in the car, that would be dissy. & i hate bing forced to smoke 100's. so i just rip off the first inch and pretend it's a short. | |
| am bleeding | |
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| 08:52pm 15/02/2002 | |
| i'm not pregnant... was scared now happy i'm bleeding. & today at work i had to clean blood splatter from the immaculate walls of a kennel. i used hot water, laundry detergent and bleach. & now the walls are truly immaculate. i also helped suzi groom a big white fluffy dog with a bad back and 20 year under candy coat. dakota sweet and immaculate too. i got a lottery valentine scratch game from a girl at work. you scratch one & the person you wanna kiss and hug scratches the other. too bad. since you've gone i started wearing this neclace again, i'll make a wish in rememberance of you. say cheese <----> | |
| eat this | |
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| 12:52pm 15/02/2002 | |
| my lips are almost impeccably painted: it's like a piece of me has been peeled away, a tiny lip muscle laid bare, red blood just veiled by skin to fine to hide the flesh, so in reality two pairs of lips can be seen, superimposed, almost superimposed....a dizzying, out-of-focus-effect. but the lipstick by itself isn't enough: the attack has to come from multiple directions, otherwise the defense can concentrate on a single point. so a red apple, red plus red, two red spheres in perpetual motion. the principal of hypnosis. anyway, the apple is essential. how come these hens don't get it? they go to church year after year, they read the bible, or at least keep it on their bedside table, and then they forget how the first seduction of the first man occurred? with an apple, that's how. no man can resist a woman who has an apple in her hand. it's theological. a woman with an apple in her hand is the first woman, the only woman in the world, and he's the first man -- he stumbles on love and he can't shake it, never ever ever. | |
| my bloody valentine | |
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| 08:03pm 14/02/2002 | |
| had to be predictable. so anyway, i've got lots to tell you. today is valentines day, i have no valentine yet i still got a kiss on the cheek. i'm wearing the ruby hearts victor gave me for xmass anyway. at work the other day ninja had a seizure. ninja is a little old mutt dog & ever so sweet. so bless her heart. & all in all work is the same old shit.the queen of england had fallen and got a minor cut & aapparently this incident constitutes headline news. i got my first birhtday present yesterday from my yan doll. it's a book entitled Lo's Diary. Dolores Haze (Maze) diary kept about humbert humbert and other tribulations. it was neat how we discovered it too. while at barnes & nobles i was searching for an actual copy of Lolita, but stumbled across that instead. i'm so looking forward to reading it. & i would have started last night, but my dumb ass forgot it at ryan's crib.below is my valentine to everyone & muah* -- happy this day to you. |
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| baby long legss | |
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| 07:34pm 09/02/2002 | |
| i just got a valentine in the mail from my mom, still in germany. gah i miss her. my mom is my best friend & it sucks worst that she is vacationing at a time of personal crisis (for me anyway). but is it really all that bad? i hardly think of it, & if i do, it's the past.ryan & i made movies the other night. one tittled the demise of the pink ripper. the pink ripper was a felic shaped strip of pink candle wax. ryan used to have a japanese pen pal that adored white boys. she once told him that she just loves a man with a pink rip. lip. the film actually started off as being tittled jenny explains it all. but after the hilarious mishap, we just had to re tittle it. too bad ya'll can't see it. :Pas promised (though generic & crude): |
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