Diamoric Love (original) (raw)

Diamoric Love

A summary version of this post can be found here.

Several weeks ago, I became frustrated with the failure of words like ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ to encompass relationships of non-binary people. I coined the term dionysian to describe non-binary relationships and attraction, which are neither ‘opposite gender’ nor necessarily ‘same gender’. You can read the original post and the elaboration in the provided links.

The term itself, referring to a hellenic deity of trans and intersex people, was met with justified criticism. In response to ensuing debate, a channel was started on Discord and promoted on tumblr for NB people to come and help decide on a new word to fill this lexical gap. After a solid week of hard debate, the dozens present narrowed our work down to two terms and then held a poll on tumblr.

The results of the poll favored diamoric as the replacement term for dionysian.

The best place to read about the definition of diamoric is in the two links in the first paragraph. Simply substitute the old term for the new. The definition provided for dionysian still accurately describes the spirit of this term.

The Definition

Diamoric is an intentionally flexible, loose term.

It came out of recognizing the failure of binary terms like “straight” and “gay” to be useful or accurate for many NB people. NB genders vary so vastly that even two non-binary people in a relationship may not feel that their relationship is accurately described as “same-gender” or “gay”, and can even feel misgendered by the implications. For example, my own relationship as an androgyne with an nb trans boy can only be construed as a gay relationship if you reduce us both to our genitals. A non-binary person in a relationship with a binary man or woman is at an even further loss. Their relationship is far from “straight”, but it’s not technically “gay” or “same-gender” either. So what is it?

It’s diamoric.

The Etymology

From the greek prefix “dia-”, meaning “passing through”, “going apart”, and “thoroughly/completely” and the latin “amor” for love, diamoric literally refers to love, attraction, or partnerships that pass through, go apart from, or completely encompass the gender spectrum.

The use of this word includes all types of love, romantic or not.

The preferred pronunciation is [ ,daɪə'mɔɹɪk ], or “dye - uh - MOR - ik”.

A diamoric relationship or attraction is one that involves at least one non-binary person.

• A genderfluid person’s attraction to a woman is diamoric.
• An enby’s hook-up with an androgyne is diamoric.
• A man’s queerplatonic partnership with a demiboy is diamoric (and could also be achillean if they chose to use both).
• A genderfluid woman’s romance with a genderfluid man is diamoric (and could also be gay, sapphic, or achillean depending on how their genders line up in time.)
• A bigender person’s marriage to an agender person is diamoric.
• A triad between a woman, a demigirl, and an agender person is diamoric.
• A man’s attraction to an enby is diamoric.
• A lesbian dating an agender person is a lesbian in a diamoric relationship.

A diamoric person is a person who centers NB people and NB partnerships in their life.

Only non-binary people may use diamoric as an identity. Only NB people can call themselvesdiamoric. Technically, any NB person who seeks partnerships of any kind with any gender could call themselves diamoric, but it’s most useful and meaningful for NBs who wish to proclaim their prioritization of other NBs.

An NB person who is most interested in, happiest, and most comfortable with other NB people may find it a useful self-identifier; they are diamoric. Even if they would be content dating men or women, but they don’t want to define themselves by that, and would rather define themselves by their love for NB people and for being NB - they are diamoric.

Diamoric is not meant to replace existing words.

It is meant to give language to people who feel they have none.

If you’re an NB lesbian and your sapphic attraction is your priority, you may never feel inclined to use diamoric, and that’s fine. But if you’re an NB lesbian who wishes to emphasize your NB identity in addition to your love for women, “diamoric lesbian” might be a label that you like.

If you’re a demiboy who loves men and ‘achillean’ is all you need, more power to you. You don’t have to use this word if it says nothing about you that achillean doesn’t.

This word is a supplement to existing language that is free to use by NBs who want or need it. It is not a word to be imposed on NBs who don’t need it.

Fun things:

• I’m so gay? More like I’m so dia ;)
• Calling your NB partner your diamour!
• Want to include diamoric in your sexual orientation? How about dia-bisexual! Dia-pansexual! Dia-gay!