David Rees and his various projects (original) (raw)

12/31/21

For all its faults, we must celebrate 2021 a lot. Why? Because of its abundance of palindromes. Palindromes are one of the most delightful phenomena of language. They are words (and phrases) that read the same way no matter where you start reading them (in terms of what direction you’re reading them in).

2021, alas, was not itself a palindrome (at one point I had hoped it would be a palindrome, but it wasn’t a palindrome because of the “1” at the end). Nevertheless, the year gave us plenty of memorable forwards- and backwards-sentences that will delight linguists for decades to come, no matter if they start at the beginning and read forwards or start at the end and read backwards.

Palindromes make words more interesting, so we say “thank you” to palindromes

On this final day of this extraordinary year, let’s review — one last time — the palindromes that defined, explained, and just plain summarized the amazing rollercoaster ride known as the one and only year of 2021.

Here are the TOP TEN PALINDROMES OF 2021 FOR SEMI-LORDS NET POT!

(Ahem … sorry … just got carried away for a moment … my “Palindrome Fever” is running a bit high … let’s try that again …)

Here are the TOP TEN PALINDROMES OF 2021:

10. Madam, I’m Adam in 2021

9. Omicron? No! OMG, IMO!

8. West Side Story? Pop rots y (“y” is Spanish for “and”) edits stew

7. Facebook? Data’s laughter at civic slaughter, ta-da! Boof cake!

6. Meet me in my teet: –(0i x i0)–

5. I’m over the moon for Maroon 5

4. Oh! Oozy daddy in banana nabs a baddy zoo banana …. it’s a doozy. Ho!

3. (TIE): 2021 looks kool, 1220 / lolololol hahahah brrrrrrppppttttffffrrrrb

2. Pat? Do you eat tofu of tae kwan do? Tap?

1. Racecar Elon Musk cums alone in his racecar

This concludes my year-end lists! I wish you a healthy and happy new year and I’ll see you soon on the internet or perhaps on my web site.

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: CARS AND TRUCKS

12/31/21

On America’s roads and highways, they drive strong.

In America’s TV commercials, they dazzle us with their new features.

From America’s history, they remind us of transportation.

They are, simply put, cars and trucks.

When it comes to 2021, cars and trucks were the unsung heroes of the year. With their mighty engines roaring and their horns blasting warnings — and glad tidings — America’s cars and trucks dominated the asphalt, transported us to and fro, and captured our hearts once more.

When it’s time to drive, there is only one choice: cars and trucks

In a changing world, cars and trucks keep us anchored to what’s important: Our families; our heritage; our happiness. Cars and trucks use their wheels and motors to keep us moving forward. And for that we must be thankful.

So buckle up, rev your engines, and prepare for the ride of a lifetime! Here are the TOP TEN CARS AND TRUCKS OF 2021:

10. Bright red cars and trucks

9. Cars that rocked the speed limit to the edge of destruction, combining stellar performance with all the latest safety features so you and your family can ride in comfort

8. “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “The future.I have those cars and trucks you’ve been dreaming about …” (2021)

7. Trucks that all Americans loved (in other words, trucks that brought us back together as one people — the way it should be … America when did we lose our way)

6. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Where’s your truck?” “Oh … ermm … well, you see I let the neighbor borrow it because he needed to move some mulch and his little car wasn’t up to the job.” “That’s very nice.”

5. (TIE): Really cool cars and trucks / Cars and trucks used for personal and professional reasons, if you ask me

4. Celebrities’ cars and trucks

3. When you needed to drive somewhere so you got in your car (or truck) in 2021

2. Some of the very finest cars and trucks you will ever see

1. Wonderful!

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: EXTREMELY LARGE NUMBERS

12/30/21

From the tragic to the extraordinary, the news of 2021 was defined in part by extremely large numbers. We read statistics that boggled our minds, while also reading of advances in wealth and technology that boggled our minds. All these stories contained numbers — extremely large numbers — that were deployed to help us make sense of our reality, even if those selfsame numbers were hard to wrap our minds around at times. That is somewhat typical of these large numbers: They challenge us to push our minds to the limit in order to fully take in their significant sizes.

Numbers can make us feel small

From health statistics to record temperatures to the net worth of our most famous billionaires, sometimes it seemed like every news story included a defining number that was unforgettable as well as being extremely large. Such was the nature of 2021 (itself the largest number of year up to this point) that so much of what captured our attention and drove the national conversation was defined by these extremely large numbers. Perhaps future historians will refer to 2021 as “The Year Of Extremely Large Numbers,” or (more comically) “The Year That Was Our Calculators’ Worst Nightmare Because Of The Numbers.” In any event, we will never forget the numbers of 2021.

Let us remember them once more. Here are the TOP TEN EXTREMELY LARGE NUMBERS OF 2021:

10. Extremely large terrific numbers

9. Massively enormous extremely large numbers

8. Six billion and five hundred per second at least

7. (TIE): Extremely large scary numbers / Numbers that were so extremely large you would text them to your friends with a simple “WTF” in order to emphasize their largeness

6. Extremely large numbers that spurred our imagination, pushing us to the edge of madness (and delight, perhaps, for those of us who are quirky)

5. “Damn, I’m so happy about the extremely large — and WONDERFUL — numbers of 2021″

4. Numbers that are so gigantic you just can’t comprehend how damn big they are … and that’s OK

3. When we saw the latest extremely large numbers and almost forgot how small they used to be

2. Five trillion times ten thousand-million … SQUARED … DOUBLED … and then QUADRUPLED

1. The greatest extremely large numbers of the year!!!

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: CRYPTOCURRENCIES

12/30/21

The future of finance has arrived thanks to 2021

What is there to say about cryptocurrencies? Quite a lot, to be honest! In 2021, this new form of currency captivated our imagination and inspired our society in ways that would have been unimaginable even ten years ago. From the chat groups of the internet to the front pages of the newspapers, this was year when “crypto” stepped into the limelight and stole our hearts.

Cryptocurrencies, quite simply, are the future of money. If you’re not on the blockchain bandwagon, be prepared to remain stranded in the leftover dust of yesteryear. It’s simply a matter of time before traditional credit cards and paper money seem as antiquated as the horse and buggy of previous centuries. Make no mistake: The future is knocking, and only those who invest in cryptocurrencies are up to the task of opening the door. “When God closes a door, he opens a window” (Luke 14:3) — it is no exaggeration to say that this is the spirit of cryptocurrency in a nutshell.

Are you ready to celebrate the future of investing, with a twist of excitement courtesy of the digital age? (I trust that you are!) Here are the TOP TEN CRYPTOCURRENCIES OF 2021:

10. Cryptocurrencies with a true “Wow Factor”

9. Fully digital cryptocurrencies

8. Popular cryptocurrencies (such as Bitcoin)

7. I will never apologize for my cryptocurrencies

6. Appropriate cryptocurrencies in 2021 that were very nice

5. (TIE) Sexy cryptocurrencies / NFT tokens with blockchain passwords and cyber-wallets, if you ask me

4. Very lucrative cryptocurrencies

3. Almost perfect cryptocurrencies

2. Exciting new monetary concepts that are loved by all

1. Cryptocurrencies that make ya go “hmmm”

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: INNOVATORS

12/29/21

Some call them “rebels.” Others call them “heroes.” Some may know them as geniuses, while others are content to describe them as brilliant. Who are these people of which I speak? They are the INNOVATORS.

Innovators have a habit of making our world a better place — more exciting, more efficient, more pleasant, and more enjoyable for all. And in 2021, they (innovators) did it more than ever. When our world was in need, innovators stepped up with a vengeance. They didn’t do it for money, or for popular acclaim, or for “clicks.” They did it because, simply put, that’s just what they do. You can’t ask a stream to stop flowing; you can’t ask a stallion to not run free; you can’t ask the sun to not shine brightly whenever it wants to. Similarly, you can’t ask an innovator to not revolutionize things and make our lives better. To do so would be to go against nature. I speak not, here, of Mother Nature, but of something we could call Innovator Nature … a nature that will define our future. (“Thanks for everything Mother Nature, but we’ll take it from here!” — The Innovators)

The future will be good

Even if the innovators that define our world are too humble to be recognized, we should not fail to celebrate their achievements. Doing so is a small way we can say “thank you” to the innovators I have been talking about. Here are the TOP TEN INNOVATORS OF 2021:

10. Humble innovators

9. Male innovators

8. Innovators who made headlines … and history

7. Those who inspired us to see possibilities beyond our horizon in 2021

6. Tech overlords with a sense of fun

5. Some of the coolest innovators

4. Creative geniuses who think so far outside the box that Galileo himself must say, “I wish I was as smart as them”

3. (TIE): Innovative minds who changed the way we worked by leading us to the bleeding edge of the future / Media personalities

2. When all is said and done, we must praise the innovators

1. Whoever did the best job

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS

12/29/21

Image of turtle paperweights for you to see

2021 was defined by uncertainty and sweeping changes. Is it any wonder, then, that paperweights — with their reassuring stability — were in much demand throughout the year? When chaos swirls all around you, a sturdy paperweight can help anchor your sense of self (and your office papers).

And what better kind of paperweight was there in 2021 than the classic turtle paperweight? Answer: NONE BETTER THAN THE CLASSIC TURTLE PAPERWEIGHT. Any paperweight is a blessing, of course … but a paperweight that looks like a turtle … is a different kind of blessing … one might say it is the greatest blessing of all (relative to paperweights) … it’s so true … I am happy to be typing these words right now … I know many things about paperweights … things you will never understand ……..

Anyway, 2021 was a great year for turtle paperweights! Let’s review (and celebrate) the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2021:

10. Medium-sized turtle paperweights

9. Fucking MASSIVE turtle paperweights

8. When the wind blows and your papers remain secure … thank you turtle paperweights in 2021

7. Paperweights (in the shape of turtles) that brought us happiness in 2021

6. (TIE): Locally sourced turtle paperweights / Shiny brass paperweights that are shaped like, yes, you guessed it: Turtles

5. Turtle paperweights that have been to outer space

4. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Where did you put the nice turtle paperweights?” “In the corner cabinet, why?” “Because the Coopers are coming for dinner.”

3. When the turtle paperweights were looking so damn good in 2021

2. Some of the finest ones (of T.P.s)

1. World-class turtle paperweights that are second to none

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: HVAC SYSTEMS

12/28/21

Heating, ventilation, and air conditioning (HVAC) may be considered one of the great achievements of humankind. We rely on these systems to provide indoor air quality of an acceptable level in order to thrive. HVAC systems can be as simple as a window-mounted air conditioning unit, or as complex as a network of computer-linked thermostats and dehumidifiers in a large office building. As our world changes, one thing remains certain: HVAC systems are here to stay!

There is much to appreciate about these systems

2021 was the year many of us appreciated HVAC systems for the first time — or, perhaps, if not for the first time, then with a newfound intensity appropriate to this day and age. With so much riding on HVAC systems, it’s no wonder they were praised as the unsung heroes of contemporary engineering in 2021 … and with a track record of proven success, we shouldn’t be surprised if 2021 is someday referred to as “The Year We Finally Fell In Love With HVAC Systems.” In fact, I will be very pleased about this!

Let’s turn up our thermostats, activate our humidifiers, get cozy and moist, and celebrate the TOP TEN HVAC SYSTEMS OF 2021:

10. Fun HVAC systems

9. When your office has a quality HVAC system

8. Quietly efficient dehumidifiers and/or heaters

7. Thermostats with accurate displays that are easy to read

6. Supreme HVAC systems that kick ass and get you excited about being indoors

5. When your friend nods at your new air conditioning unit with silent respect … and your friend is an engineer

4. HVAC systems that brought us together and made us smile

3. Silly HVAC systems with a lighthearted, goofy attitude

2. Some of the very finest HVAC systems

1. The greatest heating system ever devised in 2021

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: MUSIC

12/28/21

When times are tough, music can help us make it though the night. When times are good, music can help us celebrate. When times are scary, music can comfort us. When times are funny, music can laugh along with us. When times are serious, music can help remind us of this fact.

Whether it’s performed on a guitar, a piano or a mighty symphony — or even a tambourine — music is the song of life. With its deep storehouse of melodies, rhythms, and lyrics, only music can do what it does best: Make us listen to it. And listen we did in 2021!

Indeed, this year of 2021 was one of the best ever for music, as the world’s performers and composers set their thoughts and dreams to a musical score that will be remembered as second to none: The collective song that was our year of 2021.

Let’s sing and dance along to the TOP TEN OF MUSIC OF 2021:

10. Top 40 hits

9. Music that reminded us to dance and have fun WITH OR WITHOUT SHOES

8. Streaming music

7. Amazing drum solos

6. (TIE) Grimy, funky music that helped us boogie-woogie with abandon / When your mom sang “I LOVE YOU” to me

5. Music that pushed the boundaries of what is considered enjoyable

4. Music that healed and brought us home again … so we could sit among our furniture

3. Classical music with loud brass instruments and conductors that went wild

2. Quiet music for reflection and renewal

1. The music of our lives, forever known in 2021

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: TV SHOWS

12/27/21

If 2021 taught us anything, it was that today’s television landscape is different than it used to be. Many years ago, if you wanted to watch TV, you’d have to physically sit in front of a large box in your living room. The box had a little button (or switch) you’d press in order to turn it on and off. And then you’d have a choice of no more than three or four channels to observe (or watch). And this was all considered totally normal. If you don’t believe me, you can simply ask your grandparents if this is true! Their answer may surprise you! (And this, friends, is how we know that our grandparents are wise.)

Fortunately, these days are not the days that your grandparents remember from their youth. These days, television has grown up. From prestige cable dramas to locally produced news shows, from laugh-out-loud comedies to somber murder mysteries, in 2021 television pulled out at all the stops and took no prisoners. We were blessed to have more TV options at our fingertips than perhaps ever before, and sup we did upon the abundant feast laid out before us!

Here are the TOP TEN TV SHOWS OF 2021:

10. Dark mystery TV shows: “Don’t go in the woods … a murder happened there …”

9. Enjoyable TV shows

8. Controversial TV shows that provoked discussion across all social-media platforms for the benefit of all

7. TV shows about cars and trucks

6. Cooking contest TV shows

5. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “It’s time to watch our favorite show!” “I shall fetch the popcorn thus, m’lady” “Yum”

4. (TIE): When we watched superhero TV shows in 2021 / Popular and funny shows on TV

3. Quite energetic TV shows, frankly

2. Tremendous TV shows that can only be described as excellent

1. Pretty good TV shows of the highest possible quality

Best Of 2021

Best Of 2021: CANCEL CULTURE

12/27/21

Cancel Culture was out of control in 2021. From the most elite colleges to the hottest podcasts, 2021 was the year when smart people simply stated the facts and then found themselves being yelled at and called dumb more than ever. Funny comedians, daring politicians, and interesting writers all learned the hard way: Express one “wrong” opinion and you will be attacked by the mindless hordes and stomped on by their boots of cancellation. That’s Cancel Culture in a nutshell: A destructive force that makes brave men timid, and timid men brave. It’s a topsy-turvy world of thought control that would cause George Orwell himself (1984) to make a loud noise (groaning sounds).

How sick was America with the illness of Cancel Culture in the year 2021? Unfortunately we have no way of knowing because everyone who could give us a correct diagnosis … was cancelled. This phenomenon is called being “politically correct” — and if that phrase doesn’t scare you, you’ll surely enjoy living in chains with a bag over your head (bag is labeled “I AM AFRAID TO SPEAK”) … or as it’s also known: AMERICA IN 2021 WITH NO EXAGGERATION.

Here are the TOP TEN CANCEL CULTURE STORIES OF 2021:

10. Controversial victims of Cancel Culture are now poor

9. Cancel Culture claims another innocent victim

8. When you tell a funny joke and someone spits on you as revenge

7. “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking in 2021,” thank you free-speech heroes, we are sorry that you will be killed tonight

6. I’d like to see these Cancel Culture warriors try to CANCEL A MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION!!! (in 2021!)

5. Business leaders were just trying to have fun on twitter (making jokes) and then people yelled at them, America when did we lose our way

4. (TIE) “What will they cancel next” / “You can’t cancel me, I quit!”

3. Pretty good Cancel Culture

2. When the Cancel Culture is so crazy, ya just gotta say “Chill out everybody … _OR ELSE I WILL CRY_”

1. The best of Cancel Culture in 2021