WILKENFELD'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 8/19: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Spike TV broadcast [updated] (original) (raw)

Where We've Been: Last week's show started really hot, then built to what I thought was really incredible before falling to potentially interesting but questionably executed in the attack by Fortune on EV 2.0 before finally collapsing completely into Abyss killing RVD. That was D-level horror movie BS. It really doesn't deserve much more analysis than that.

The Show:

Moments ago, Jeff Hardy beat up Abyss backstage. Abyss retook control and slammed Hardy against a table. He brought Hardy out to the Impact Zone, which seemed surprisingly empty for something that supposedly happened right before show time. Abyss took the mop someone was using to clean up ringside to beat up Hardy some more. Hardy gets it away from him and slams it into his stomach a few times. Hardy has a blur over his pants. I assume there's some logo visible, but it's really distracting. Abyss slams Hardy into the guardrail. Hardy comes back with right hands and slams Abyss against the apron. He slams Abyss into the guardrail, then fights him out to where the crowd mysteriously isn't. They fight back to backstage. Abyss wraps a cable about Hardy's chin, which really doesn't seem like it would be that painful. I guess it wasn't, since he gets up firing. Taz describes what Abyss "did" to RVD as "damn near criminal", though I would have thought it qualified as "extremely criminal". Hardy fights Abyss out to the hall, where TNA security hotshots Gunner and Murphy finally pull him off.

Allegedly live, Eric Bischoff comes down to the ring. He says that never in his 20+ years in the business has he seen anything like what happened in the Impact Zone last week. Ric Flair will be held personally responsible for everything that happened with EV 2.0. Bischoff doesn't know what he was thinking. He apologizes to Dixie Carter for allowing it to happen. What Abyss did last week was nearly homicidal (again, I don't know that "nearly" does it). He knows Jeff Hardy tried to take his revenge earlier, but, with no disrespect, Abyss has no conception of what's coming to him courtesy of Hogan and Bischoff. Bischoff has consulted with RVD's doctors, and it's far worse than anyone feared. He had to have 117 stitches, has numerous punctured organs, and they're waiting to check on his spinal column and the condition of his head. RVD will always have a home in TNA, but the championship committee met earlier today, and there's a saying that "the show must go on". They had to decide what was right by the fans, right by TNA, and right by RVD. After talking to Van Dam's doctors, they had no choice but to vacate the title. They'll have a tournament among the top 8 contenders, culminating at Bound for Glory. That will start tonight. If Abyss is in the tournament, I riot.

[Commercial Break]

(1)ROB TERRY vs. JEFF HARDY
World Title Tournament Match

How did Rob Terry go up in the rankings? Unless that means they did take out Abyss. That would be surprisingly rational. Hardy runs down and starts firing. He dropkicks out Terry's knee, but when he goes for a Cross Body Block Terry catches him and plants him with a Power Slam. Terry goozles Hardy. Hardy backs up to the middle rope, from which Terry yanks him down and half-way across the ring. Terry thrusts some shoulders, then whips Hardy across the ring. When he tries to follow him, Hardy drops him into the bottom turnbuckle with a Drop Toe Hold. He hits a couple delayed dropkicks, then Whisper in the Wind. He comes off the middle rope for something, but this time runs right into a clothesline from Terry. Terry "hits" his spin kick, missing by a visible amount. He does it again, and this time connects. Terry looks for a Running Power Slam, but Hardy slips out and nails a Twist of Fate. He hits the Swanton (catching Terry with his legs this time) for game.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy in 4 minutes.

Douglas William arrives with Fortune.

[Commercial Break]

We recap the EV 2.0 and RVD hits, complete with Reaction bits of Dixie Carter promising Dreamer that she'd make it right.

Hogan is on the phone, saying that he's thinking of quitting. RVD got taken out, and they're trying to replace him? You can't replace RVD—Hogan built the whole company around him. This isn't what he signed up for.

On his way to the ring, Mr. Anderson announces that the head asshole in charge, all the way from Greenbay Wisconsin, Mr. Anderson! I could be wrong, but I don't think that sentence had a verb.

(2)JAY LETHAL vs. MR. KENNEDY

Is this the 2 vs. 7 match? How did Lethal drop to 7? Or maybe 3 vs. 6? Or are the brackets totally random? They lock up to start. Anderson takes over with a side headlock. Lethal shoots him off, but he comes back with a shoulder block. Lethal shoots him off again, but when he tries to follow up Anderson catches him in a Fireman's Carry. Lethal slips out and shoves Anderson into the ropes. Anderson catches himself, so Lethal handsprings back. Anderson charges. Lethal looks for a Lethal Combo, but Anderson elbows him off. Anderson goes for an early Mic Check, but Lethal throws him off with a Snapmare. They share a stare-down. The crowd is fairly split. Lethal gets a side headlock. Anderson shoots him off and goes for an Arm Drag, but Lethal lands on his feet, knocks him down, and cartwheels into a dropkick for two. Lethal tries to shoot Anderson into the corner, but it's reversed. Lethal then tries to float over, but that in turn is reversed by the Green Bay Plunge for two. Anderson shoots Lethal into a back elbow for two. He cinches in a front chancery, but Lethal powers him into an Inverted Atomic Drop. Lethal then runs right into a big clothesline for 2. Lethal ducks a second attempted clothesline and hits a Handspring Elbow. He slams Anderson's head into the corner turnbuckle. He charges right into a Back Body Drop, but lands on the apron. He slugs Anderson and tries to come in with a Slingshot Dropkick. Anderson sidesteps and nails the Mic Check for the win.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson in 5 minutes. That was pretty good, but never really kicked into top gear. Also, I was pulling for Lethal, as a Lethal main event at BFG would have been a more interesting possibility than an Anderson main event.

Christy is in the back with Angelina Love. Rayne has called in her rematch clause tonight, and it might not be a fair fight since she'll probably have her "bodyguard". Love's not worried, since it's never a fair fight with that little prissy Mini-me. Of course she'll have her bodyguard, cause she's scared. The last time Love had to literally give this belt back to her cause she threw a hissy fit, but that's not going to happen tonight. She's not a five time champion for nothing (she's not a five-time champion—the wacky ref's decision was reversed I thought). In fact she wants Rayne to bring her bodyguard, cause she'll have backup of her own.

[Commercial Break]

We see The Motor City Machine Guns celebrating on Reaction last week, interposed with shots of their match. Now it's no longer just some people's opinion that they're the best tag team in the world—it's an established fact. It doesn't matter if they have to hit the "Skull & Bones" two times or three times or a million times. No other company puts the same emphasis on tag team wrestling, so those titles are the most important in the world. Sabin thinks that the Guns bring the best out of Beer Money and vice-versa. Shelley says that when Detroit needed heroes, they delivered. We're told that The Guns will be in action next week. I appreciate that they're building to that as if it's a big deal.

Rayne comes out on the back of her colleague's motorcycle. Love comes out next, then pauses at the top of the ramp. Velvet Sky comes out next. That's a good moment.

(3)ANGELINA LOVE (c) (w/VELVET SKY) vs. MADISON RAYNE (w/MOTORCYCLE LADY)
Knockouts Championship Match

Oddly enough, Sky goes after Rayne as Love goes for Motorcycle Lady. Love is about to take off her helmet when Rayne finishes with Sky and pulls her into the ring. She hits her between-the-legs face smash thing, but a cover only gets two. She hits a couple of knees, but when she goes for a Neck Breaker it's reversed into Love's modified Stunner. Love gets up swinging. She hits a front Power Slam, but Motorcycle Lady grabs her before she can follow up. Sky then pulls off Motorcycle Lady and grabs Rayne, who turns around right into the Botox Injection. That's enough for three.

WINNER: Angelina Love in a bit under 3 minutes. Again the women's title gets short shrift. Remember when Kim-Kong main-evented a big Impact?

After the match Sky comes in and raises Love's arm. Their celebration is cut short by an ambush from Rayne and Motorcycle Lady. Rayne grabs the title for a second, then departs.

Fortune are on their way to the ring.

[Commercial Break]

We recap EV 2.0 doing stuff.

The members of Fortune, with Doug Williams and Matt Morgan, are in the ring. Flair wants to know if someone used the word "power". This is what you call "Impact with Power". Now they've added a little European flavor with Doug Williams. And it's getting a little hot around here, so he's bought himself a 6 foot 10 insurance policy. As to EV 2.0, they're circus performers. He dares them to call themselves wrestlers. The marquis says "pro wrestling". It doesn't say trash cans or kendo sticks. They can all do that. In fact, Flair can crash in an airplane. Until they can crash in an airplane, they can just kiss Flair's ass, and the rest of Fortune's ass. The crowd is mostly supportive. AJ takes the mic. EV 2 just had to come back. They wanted a hardcore finale—ask and you shall receive. No one has wrestled more in this ring than he has. This is the house that AJ built. The crowd goes nuts for AJ, which I doubt was the intended reaction. Dixie Carter comes out talking to AJ. He might have built this house, but make no mistake—she owns the house. That's a good line. That makes it her house. And as long as it's her house, it's their house. Dreamer, Foley, Sabu, Stevie Richards, and Rhino come out. Hogan and Bischoff tried to warn her, but she didn't listen. She cut Flair all the slack in the world, but that ends now. As of last week, none of these men had contracts. But now...Dreamer flashes some paperwork. Dreamer says that if Dixie hadn't asked them to hold back, they'd be happy to kick all their asses. He and Flair have a woo-off. Flair wants to know what on his resume suggests that he takes crap from women. Foley takes the mic. He recalls the time Flair called him in December crying. Flair starts screaming about being G-d, but Mick points out that he's just a man. He might be a great man, but last December he was a crying man, not knowing what to do. Mick told him about how great TNA was. Mick has a lifetime of regrets, but if he could have just one decision back it would be that phone call—he would have kept TNA for himself and let Flair rot. Flair asks him to come roll in the tacks one more time. Foley points out that he doesn't work for Flair, he works for Dixie Carter. Dreamer says that they keep their word, and Dixie said not to attack now. But they'll have their revenge. For what Abyss did to RVD, they'll deal with him, the only way they know how. But for now, Dreamer wants to talk to AJ. This is indeed the house that he built, and until last week they had nothing but respect for him. But now, he's their first target, and it'll be in a match tonight.

Great segment. As long as they keep these guys talking and not fighting, this'll be entertaining.

[Commercial Break]

(4)DOUGLAS WILLIAMS vs. KURT ANGLE
World Title Tournament Match

Interesting fact—I suggested this match to people when we were at a live show. Angle takes down Williams with a headlock. Williams powers to his feet and backs Angle into the corner. He goes for a cheap shot but Angle blocks it. He whips Angle into the corner. Angle tries to get a leg up, but Williams catches it, drapes it over the rope, and kicks it. Angle gets up firing, but Williams flings him out of the ring. Willaims brings him back in and drops his knee onto Angle's face three times. Angle gets a foot on the bottom rope. Angle gets up firing again, but Williams stops him with a European Uppercut and takes him over with a Gut Wrench Suplex for two. Williams works a standing neck vise, but Angle quickly flings him off and hits a series of forearms. He Back Body Drops Williams and takes him into the corner. Williams gets a boot up, but then runs right into an Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex for two. Angle goes for a German, but Williams tosses him into the corner and hits a high knee. He goes to the top rope, and hits a European Uppercut off the top for a long two count. Williams goes for a German Suplex, but Kurt gets a standing switch and nails three of his own. A cover gets two. Kurt drops the straps. He goes for the Olympic Slam, but Williams slips out. Williams runs him into the corner turnbuckle and nails the roll-up to start the Chaos Theory, but before he can hit the Suplex part Angle stops his momentum and picks an ankle. He quickly grapevines the leg and gets the tap out.

WINNER: Kurt Angle in six minutes. That was very good, but these two really need more than six minutes to build something special.

[Commercial Break]

Mr. Anderson is excited to be in the Final Four, but it's hard to be in that position because of the condition RVD is in.

Sting & Nash come out to Sting's music. Sting's back to the white face paint. Nash says that he's known Sting for 20 years. Though they've had their disagreements, he can honestly say that there's no one in this business he respects more than Sting. The crowd applauds that. You know, he's been called a cancer before in this business. Actually he's been called a lot of things. But after 20 years and 28 operations, he'll tell you one thing—he's not out here for just the damned money. He's out here because he loves to do what he does. The crowd cheers. And he'll be damned if someone else tells him to step aside. Now they're confused. First of all, they don't tell him anything—they ask. And if they want his spot they can come take it from him. The company's this close to making it over the top, but there's a problem. The cancer in this company isn't in the ring, it's in the back. Sting's told him that he's wasting his time, but he wants to tell us all about the BS in the back. He's here to tell us the truth. Before he can go on Jarrett comes out to say that the truth is Jarrett knows Nash doesn't change his spots. The crowd boos the hell out of Jarrett. Awesome. As for Sting, there are plenty of skeletons Jarrett can pull out of the closet, but he's not going to do it. Everyone here knows that this company has only gotten better since Hogan and Bischoff arrived. That gets boos. Viva la resistance! Anyhow, for the sake of a 20 year television veteran in Eric Bischoff and the greatest box office attraction in this business in Hulk Hogan, Jeff's going to grab a chair and whip both their asses. We hear Hogan's voice starting to say that if Jarrett goes down to the ring, he's not doing it alone. He comes out, and the crowd is still happy to see him. He says that Sting and Nash are just jealous that the focus is on the young guys, not them. He asks Sting to be a man for once in his life and lose the bat. Sting doesn't even hesitate before tossing it out. Hogan and Jarrett come down to the ring, when the lights go out. When they come back Hogan, Jarrett, and Nash are down, and Fortune is surrounding Sting. They beat the hell out of him, and the rest of them. Then they celebrate.

You know if they keep conveniently interrupting Sting and Nash right before they tell us what's going on, we might just start to get the impression that the writers have no f'ing clue what Sting's reasons have been for the last six months.

[Commercial Break]

Raven is saying that they should have killed'em. Dreamer says that they should have done a lot of things, but Raven isn't really in position to be telling them anything. Raven needs to not be a rebel for once. There's a bigger picture. Raven says that there's always a bigger picture with Dreamer. Dreamer agrees, and says that Raven never sees it. Stevie comes in and cautions him to just be a little patient. Raven agrees. That was a nice family-squabble type moment.

(5)MATT MORGAN vs. "THE POPE" D'ANGELO DINER

If I had my way, Pope would win this whole thing. I have to admit that the people answering rankings poll do not seem to agree. Incidentally, not that I mind, but what did Pope do that justified him leap-frogging Hernandez? Pope nails a forearm to start. He ducks a clothesline and hits another. He ducks a couple more punches, so Morgan just shoves him into the corner. Pope sidesteps again and beats Morgan down in the corner. He hits his beautiful hesitation elbow, curtseys to the crowd, then goes for a cover that gets none. He goes to the top rope, but leaps right into a goozle. He slips out of that, but gets floored by a Decapitator Clothesline. Morgan takes him into the corner for a choke, some back elbows, and a big charge. Morgan lifts Pope up, but then decides it's not time and just drops Pope. The crowd comes alive for him. He crawls up in the corner. Morgan charges, but Pope gets a boot up. Pope goes to the top rope and comes off with a Sunset Flip, but Morgan keeps himself from going over and grabs Pope by the throat. He hits a Two-Handed Choke Slam, but trash talks instead of going for the cover. Pope pulls himself up by the ropes, so Morgan hits his float over leg choke. Pope rolls to the outside. Morgan follows him out and shoves him against the apron. Pope is against the corner ring post. Morgan looks for the Carbon Foorprint against the ring post. Pope quickly sidesteps and nails the DDE out of nowhere. He yanks Morgan into the ring and gets a cover. Morgan grabs the rope before one, but Pope pulls his hand away before the ref sees it.

WINNER: D'Angelo Dinero in 7 minutes. He'll be ready for the big win in October, if they're ready to give it to him.

We see that at No Surrender Pope will face Anderson and Angle will face Hardy.

Dreamer and AJ are making their way towards the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Mick Foley saw what happened to EV 2.0. The shame of it is that he watched it on replay, since he didn't live through it like his colleagues did. One shot put him out, so he slept blissfully through it all. He wants to be clear though that he is with EV 2.0. His doctor has said that it'll be a few weeks till he can lead the charge. Till then he has to decide whether he'll do the courageous thing and take a step back or the stupid thing and charge right in. Either way though, he's with Dreamer every step of the way.

(6)AJ STYLES vs. TOMMY DREAMER

The crowd is behind AJ to start at least 70-30. AJ hits a quick round kick to Dreamer's left knee. Dreamer catches the next kick attack and knocks AJ down. AJ shoots Dreamer into the ropes, but he catches himself. AJ charges, and Dreamer elevates him over the rope and onto the floor. Dreamer goes to the apron and hits a running somersault onto AJ. He bangs AJ into the barricade and then Body Slams him into the mat. He takes AJ back into the ring, where AJ quickly retakes control with an eye poke. AJ hits some chops in the corner. Dreamer reverses a whip into the opposite corner; AJ tries to float over, but Dreamer catches him in a Power Slam. Dreamer nails a T-Bone Suplex, but AJ gets his foot on the rope at 2. AJ hits a chop to the throat as he gets up, then a standing Ensuguri. AJ rains down punches, and Dreamer is busted open. AJ hits a Body Slam and his high knee drop. He punches Dreamer in the head and chokes him against the middle rope. He informs us that he's going to kill Tommy. Tommy gets a Sunset Flip for two, but AJ takes him down with a high dropkick as he gets back up. Dreamer looks out, so AJ naturally goes for a chin lock. Huh? Dreamer powers out with a Back Drop. Dreamer's dangling something that might be a band-aid but might also be skin. AJ nails the Pele as he gets up. He goes to the apron, then lets Dreamer get up for the Flying Forearm. Dreamer blocks it with an Inverted Atomic Drop and nails a DDT. Fortune start to come down to the ring, but they're ambushed by EV 2.0. While the ref is trying to get rid of all of them Abyss comes out from under the ring and nails a Black Hole Slam. Referee Earl Hebner turns around just as AJ gets the cover for three.

WINNER: AJ Styles in 7 minutes. Dreamer looked really good here, though that might just have been AJ's magic.

Abyss leaves through the crowd as EV 2.0 and Fortune continue to brawl. Sandman's out too—if he was there earlierI didn't notice him.

Where We're Going: As stupid as the writing-out of RVD might have been, I always like me a big tournament. Angle's vow to retire is really going to be a giant drag on what should be a great match with Hardy—without that I'd think it could really go either way. Even if they're planning to do something "shocking" and have Hardy win it still won't make the match retroactively interesting, since I'll have spent the whole time assuming I knew the ending. Really though Pope is by far the most interesting prospect—I hope he gets the moment he was robbed of when he hurt his arm in April.

Star of the Night: D'Angelo Dinero. He plays an underdog better than anyone since a young Jericho.

Overall: First, I like tournaments. I also really like that someone was not-rewarded fr bad behavior, as Abyss apparently dropped from #1 all the way past #8. That being said, all of the matches felt rushed. I'm really not sure why they couldn't have spaced these out over a couple of weeks and given them 15 minutes a piece. This just didn't feel like a big enough deal. The women's title got screwed in a quicky match, as always, but it might be fun to have the original Beautiful People reunite as faces. I liked the main event, and I think the EV 2.0 folk were better tonight than they've been since Dreamer's promo a month ago. The Sting—Nash--Jarrett drama really has to stop though. It just pulls me right out of the show. Regarding Sting's reason for turning heel, the phrase "shit or get off the pot" comes to mind. I'm guessing they have no idea what the answer is, but if it's anything short of a Bischoff planning to sell out the company to a consortium composed of Paul Heyman, Steve Austin, and The Rock, whatever this is isn't worth the agonizing wait. This show was entertaining, but felt discombobulated. B

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He got good news today. Well-wishes and other comments can be sent to dawilk316@gmail.com

[Torch art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch.com]