Ultimate Zombie Strike Team - IGN (original) (raw)

With Halloween approaching once more, and Zombieland in theaters this Friday, our brains have turned to more troubling thoughts. This is the season of zombie outbreaks, after all. We've read all the scientific literature concerning zombies. We know full well that it's a matter of when, not if the zombies come calling for our brains. And that's something we'd just as soon avoid.
But we have a plan in mind. We've assembling a Zombie Strike Force to help us survive through another season of wholesale carnage. To assemble our Strike Force, we've handpicked the top experts from movies, videogames and comic books. We based our criteria on things like zombie kill count, creativity of zombie kills, mainstream popularity, and the all-encompassing "Editor's Choice".

It's a tough, experienced bunch. We're feeling safer already. Read through our picks and then head down to the comments section to let us know who you'd want covering your back in the event of mass zombie carnage.

MOVIES

Ash Williams
Making the undead dead since: 1981
Weapons of choice: Chainsaw hand, boomstick, slap-stick, crass quips, a pronounced jaw line. Ash Williams has made the jump from humble college dropout and S-Mart employee to master slayer of the undead. Ash has seen some things, man. From his first encounter with the unholy Deadites at that cabin in the woods, this wisecracking action hero has made a second career of killing zombies. It's even cost him his hand.

Ash stays sane through a winning combination of witty one-liners and hanging around sexy women (who usually require saving). These days, Ash has upgraded to battling it out with the likes of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. Oh, and he gets some play with the Marvel Zombies as well. The faces have changed, but the game remains the same.

Shaun
Making the undead dead since: 2004
Weapons of choice: Shotgun, cricket bat, pool cue, Molotov cocktail.

Why a croquet mallet? Because he can.

No one on this list is a more unlikely hero than Shaun. This modest, mild-mannered appliance salesman begins his quest more interest in patching up his fractured romance than battling zombie hordes. But fate soon ensures that both goals are linked.

Together with his best friend Ed, ex-girlfriend Liz, and some dude who looks an awful lot like Harry Potter, Shaun busts zombie skulls in a mad rush to reach the Winchester Pub and apparent safety.

Despite a truly odd assortment of weapons, Shaun and Liz manage to stay alive long enough for the cavalry to arrive. Ed isn't so lucky, but his newly zombified condition has no effect on his love for Timesplitters. Truly, Shaun proves than man and zombie can live in peace.

Lionel Cosgrove
Making the undead dead since: 1992
Weapons of choice: Tranquilizers, lawnmower.

Good call with the lawnmower.

When it comes to slaying zombies, Lionel Cosgrove is sort of a slow learner. When faced with a growing number of people infected by the dreaded Sumatran Rat-Monkey, he didn't immediately resort to breaking out the boomstick or caving in skulls. Instead, he tried to tranquilize the darn things.

Fortunately, Lionel eventually came to his senses just in time for what may be the greatest scene of zombie carnage in the history of mankind. We would never think to use a lawnmower to grind zombies into a fine paste, but it certainly worked for Lionel. It almost made up for the truly disturbing sight of seeing Lionel subjected to a reverse-birthing process by his mutated zombie mother.

Alice
Making the undead dead since: 2002
Weapons of choice: Martial arts, machetes, telekinesis. Anyone with the stones to take on hordes of Raccoon City zombies, with nothing but fists and a skimpy cocktail dress, commands our respect.

Alice begins her stint in the Resident Evil movies not knowing who she is or why she keeps waking up naked in the shower. As the years pile on and the battle progresses, she gains a firmer handle on her past and her growing telekinetic powers.

Alice is one of many biological experiments courtesy of Umbrella. Unfortunately for them, this test tube product fights back. Alice even got into a hand-to-hand brawl with Nemesis. We bet Jill Valentine wished she was that good as she spent an entire game running and hiding from the unstoppable super-zombie.

With Halloween approaching once more, our brains have turned to more troubling thoughts. This is the season of zombie outbreaks, after all. We've read all the scientific literature concerning zombies. We know full well that it's a matter of when, not if the zombies come calling for our brains. And that's something we'd just as soon avoid.

But we have a plan in mind. We've assembling a Zombie Strike Force to help us survive through another season of wholesale carnage. To assemble our Strike Force, we've handpicked the top experts from movies, videogames, and comic books. We based our criteria on things like zombie kill count, creativity of zombie kills, mainstream popularity, and the all-encompassing "Editor's Choice".

GAMES

Frank West
Making the undead dead since: 2006
Weapons of choice: Anything and everything the shopping mall has to offer

Every zombie-killing Delta Force needs at least one badass.

Frank West doesn't really want to be a hero. This acclaimed photojournalist is simply concerned with getting his shots and getting out of the line of fire. His mistake was trying to get a little too close to the action at Willamette. Frank quickly found himself trapped in a shopping mall with a town of over 50,000 zombies doing their best to bust in and find some lunch.

Fortunately for Frank, the Willamette Mall isn't your average American mall, with nothing but Old Navys, Hot Topics, and pretzel stands as far as the eye can see. This mall was chock full of sporting goods, hardware materials, and other useful tools of anti-zombie carnage. For 72 hours straight, Frank made use of every tool at his disposal and managed to escape with brains intact. Well, depending which ending you earned.

Leon S. Kennedy
Making the undead dead since: 1998
Weapons of choice: Magnum revolver, RPG, endless patience with ditzy, blond girls.

RPG: 1. Undead: 0.

Leon S. Kennedy is the straight-laced hero of the Resident Evil franchise. All he ever wants to do is fulfill his duties with a minimum of hassle. Sadly, that never seems to be in the cards for Leon. His first day on the job as a Raccoon City police officer quickly degenerated into a hellish night of zombies, Lickers, and Tyrants.

Life didn't get easier when Leon became a government agent. A mission to rescue the President's daughter degenerated just as quickly, with Leon forced to simultaneously protect the moronic girl and fend off hundreds of crazy, chanting cultists. This would be enough to drive most action heroes insane. Not Leon, though. Most of the time he's too busy chasing after the foxy Ada Wong to worry about anything else.

Chris and Claire Redfield
Making the undead dead since: 1996 & 1998
Weapons of choice: Pistols, knives, shotguns, hulking biceps (for Chris at least)

The Redfields always pose like it's a 1980s action movie poster.

Few families inspire such fear and loathing in the hearts of zombies like the Redfield clan. Chris Redfield began a long, fruitful career killing zombies while a member of STARS in Raccoon City. He proved that Umbrella's fearsome bio-weapons are no match for a lone warrior with guts and a limited ammo supply.

His sister Claire is no slouch either. While searching for her missing brother (which seems to be her career of choice) she stumbled across a mass outbreak in Raccoon City. Even the mighty Mr. X couldn't hold Claire back. These two siblings continue to serve as thorns in the side of Umbrella and all corporations who think zombies are good business.

GAMES

Left 4 Dead Crew
Making the undead dead since: 2008
Weapons of choice: Shotguns, hunting rifles, winning teamwork

Their team joins ours.

If you need further proof that the best defense against zombie outbreaks is teamwork, look no further than the Left 4 Dead crew. All four of these stubborn survivors – Francis, Bill, Zoey, & Louis – have learned to put aside their differences and work together to stay alive.

And it's a good thing they have. The zombies in this world aren't just mindless, shambling goons. They're controlled by a higher power known as The Director. Depending on the Director's mood at the time, he can make his zombie-infested obstacle courses a walk through the park or a descent into madness. And this foursome knows that the battle will never end, not with a sequel fast on the horizon.

B.J. Blazkowicz
Making the undead dead since: 1992
Weapons of choice: Panzerschreck, chaingun, Tesla Cannon, American pride

Number one cause of death for zombie Nazis.

Hard as it might be to imagine, there was a time when the videogame landscape wasn't dominated by first-person shooters. Sgt. B.J. Blazkowicz was among the first to usher in this new type of gaming, and also one of the first FPS heroes to have a true name and identity.

Blazkowicz dedicates himself to ridding the world of the Nazi menace and all their crazy occult weapons. Blazkowicz's enemies have grown progressively weirder over the years. A robotic, gun-toting Hitler was only the tip of the iceberg. Each subsequent mission has seen Blazkowicz confront more unholy monsters and terrible Nazi sorcery.

Forget Call of Duty, this soldier was the first to give the world Nazi Zombies.

Thomas Rogan and James Taylor
Making the undead dead since: 1996 & 1998
Weapons of choice: Infinitely reloading pistols, snappy suits, campy dialogue We're hard-pressed to think of any two zombie-killers with more notches on their belts than AMS agents Thomas Rogan and James Taylor. These two have starred in the four main House of the Dead games, though never side by side.

Collectively, these agents have mowed down thousands of zombies. They mus thank their lucky stars they never seem to run out of spare ammo clips for their pistols.

Of course, all the ammo in the world is small consolation when pitted against the more outlandish House of the Dead monsters. These agents have done battle with everything from gargoyles to giant crabs. When hanging around these AMS agents, it's probably best to pack a few extra quarters in case of "Game Over".

Aya
Making the undead dead since: 2004
Weapons of choice: Katana swords, skimpy clothing, Rampage ability.

We tried killing the undead wearing a bikini before. Not so much...

Anyone who has the foresight to be prepared for zombie outbreaks knows the basic rules of zombie safety. One of those rules is not to get too close to the zombies, and certainly don't get any of their infected blood on you. Aya either doesn't know or doesn't care abut these rules, but that hasn't seemed to stop her so far.

Aya is one of the more colorful zombie killers we've ever seen. She forgoes guns for katanas when slaying zombies. Furthermore, she prefers dressing in as few clothes as possible. This isn't just an aesthetic preference. After absorbing enough zombie blood through her skin, Aya powers up and enters Rampage Mode. It doesn't make a lick of sense, but we'll take it.

COMICS

Michonne
Making the undead dead since: 2004
Weapons of choice: katana sword, electric drill, brooding.

She's a surgeon with that katana.

When it comes to The Walking Dead, zombies aren't as glamorous a problem as certain movies and games make them out to be. The zombies are simply everywhere. No hero is safe, and everyone is assured a painful, tragic death sooner or later. This world has little room for flashy heroes, which is why Michonne sticks out from the rest.

Among the troubled survivors of The Walking Dead, Michonne is a regular ninja badass. She broods. She has a troubled past she won't talk about. She carries a katana and she knows how to use it.

Michonne can dispatch zombies with a minimum of effort. She tends to save her most creative torture for her human enemies. After being subjected to a particularly brutal series of torture by the Governor, Michonne returned the favor. We can never look at our electric drills the same way again.

Jonah Hex
Making the undead dead since: Year of first appearance
Weapons of choice: Revolvers, scary reputation, one ugly mug. Jonah Hex almost looks like a zombie himself, doesn't he. This brave soldier fought on the losing side of the Civil War. To add injury to the insult of defeat, Hex ended the war with a hideous, disfiguring wound on his face. Now this ex-soldier wanders the Old West as a bounty hunter and righter of wrongs.

Frequently those wrongs wind up being supernatural in nature. Jonah Hex is a regular Clint Eastwood when it comes to mowing down banditos and horse thieves, but he's equally adept at slaying Wild West zombies. When you consider that this cowboy doesn't have the luxury of modern inventions like automatic weapons and chainsaws, that makes his skills all the more formidable.

Machine Man
Making the undead dead since: 1977
Weapons of choice: Hidden weapons a la Inspector Gadget, alcohol, hatred of all things fleshy. Aaron Stack is, in many ways, your typical Pinocchio-style robot. He dreams of what it must be like to be a real man. Or he used to, anyway. Eventually this Machine Man grew tired of wishing for a life he never had and resorted to being bitter and drunk all the time.

Machine Man hasn't always made a habit of slaying zombies, bu when the extra-dimensional protective agency known as ARMOR needed a special agent to combat the Marvel Zombies, they wisely picked the one being who was both impervious to biting and crazy enough to wage war on their home turf. This cantankerous warrior slaughtered countless zombified versions of iconic Marvel characters, making him just about the only hero ever to cross these zombies and not regret it.