[Fic] Everything Nice part 4 - Cable/Deadpool (original) (raw)

Title: Everything Nice 4/??
Author: Guardian
Rating: PG-13 (NC-17 overall)
Pairing: Cable/Deadpool
Timeline: sequel to Sugar & Spice
Disclaimer: written for fun, not profit.
Word count: 2,000
**Summary:**Wade and Tasky go on a high-risk mission.
Previous Parts: Master post here.

"I've got a paying gig for you," Alex said to Wade when the mercenary finally teleported into Agency X. "Guy named Cyrus Vadas is shelling out six mil."

Wade whistled and flopped onto the couch, dangling one leg over the armrest. "That's dead ex-wife kind of money. You know that Nate's doesn't want me doing hits. Even if the mark's a card-carrying baby killer, he's gonna give me that look."

"It's not a hit, it's a smash and grab," Alex clarified.

"Hm. Stealing will still get me a look, but not that look," Wade said, considering his options. "I'll just pop a mil into Hope's college fund. That'll get him philosophically twisted.

"Are you in or not?" Alex shot him a hard glare that demanded a straightforward answer.

"I'm your man!" Wade declared, giving a thumbs up and then pretending to check his nails, despite the fact that he was wearing gloves. "What am I stealing? Something shiny, I hope. Diamonds, gold, Patrick Stewart's head-"

"You're not stealing anything," Alex said with a gruff laugh. "You're teaming up with Tony. You'll be covering his back."

"Whaaaat?" Wade rolled his head to look at Taskmaster.

"The vault has a voice-activated password," Alex explained. "Tony can get through that kind of system. The trouble is, we can't fool the guards and we don't have time for a stealthier plan_._ You need to provide cover fire while Tony gets the device. Keep Tony from bleeding out, and meet at the rendezvous point. Easy."

"Above all, keep Tony safe," Sandi repeated. "Not all of us can grow back a lung."

"So I'm just a meat shield?!" Wade questioned, a serious pout forming even through the mask. "I might be able to take a Lahti L-39 to the face, but it still hurts."

"Just make sure you pack enough ammo for the both of us," Tony said.

Wade scratched at his head. "Ammo. Right. About that..."

////

"I can't believe you brought darts," Tony muttered.

"I told you, Nate's got a thing against killing," Wade said, lifting his gun to sight it while they walked along the roof top. "I tried swearing it off, but apparently maiming people and letting them bleed to death still counts as killing."

"You couldn't shoot your way out of a paper bag with those things," Tony said. "How does Nate feel about getting your friends killed?"

"Chill, Tasky," Wade loaded a round into his gun. "One little pinprick from these babies, and they'll be unconscious within seconds. Ow! Got myself," Wade shook his hand and laughed. "Don't worry, accelerated metabolism and whatsit. I feel goooood."

Tony was far from consoled. "Do you know how many rounds a semi-automatic weapon can fire in just two seconds?"

"Depending on the gun? Twenty," Wade answered casually.

Tony sighed and decided to focus on business. He'd memorized the schematics of the building, and hopefully had the right devices to force their way into the building. Since stealth wasn't a necessary factor, that meant they'd have to make up for it with speed in order to minimize their exposure. The building was heavily guarded, but aside from the dozens of men with weapons, the tech was easy enough to bypass.

Tony stopped at the threshold of their target, activating his energy shield. His main priorities were to get through the layers of the building, so he would have to rely on Deadpool to be his offense as well as some additional defense.

"Are you ready, Wade?" Tony asked, touching his skull mask to focus himself. "Once we go past this point, they'll be able to detect our presence. I'll be going fast so keep up with me."

Wade shifted on his feet like a kid who needed a potty break. "Can I have fun, though?"

"Wade, you can do whatever you want as long as it involves you focusing on the mission and not getting me killed. And you need to listen to me."

"Aye-aye, Captain!" Wade mock saluted, succeeding in smacking himself in the face with his weapon.

Tony rolled his eyes and took off, drawing on agility and grace from every ninja or gymnast he'd ever watched in order to cross the network of roof tops until he was situated on top of the enormous security building. He could hear Wade, somewhat clumsier especially with the armory strapped to his body, and suddenly wished that this was a stealth mission. He could have gone in under the radar easily, perhaps not even rousing the attention of any guards. It was Deadpool's presence that was sure to set off all the alarms.

This was what he thought, at least, until they made their way into the building. They gained access to the elevator shaft, following it down until they reached the car and cut the power to prevent it from moving and crushing them.

"It's stopped at level 8," Tony said. "We need to get on that floor."

"Allow me," Wade placed his gun strap around his shoulders to free his hands and pried open the emergency hatch. The creak of the metal was soon followed by the sound of over twenty guns being loaded and aimed at his head.

"Err, hello, boys," Wade said, finding himself staring into an industrial-sized elevator loaded with an entire platoon of armed soldiers. "If you'll excuse me, I believe this is our stop."

Tony was well out of the way when the hail of fire came in response. Wade managed to duck, only taking a few shots in the skull before he got out of the line of fire.

"Geez, Louise!" Wade shouted under the deafening echoes of gunfire, his hands clamped on his ears. "I even said excuse me!" He grabbed a grenade-like object from his belt, pulling the pin out with his teeth, and dropped it into the elevator car. Within a few seconds, a strange mist was wafting out of the emergency hatch and the gun fire ceased.

"Knock-out gas?" Tony asked from behind his energy shield, his ears still ringing.

"I'm the gassiest!" Wade confirmed proudly.

"Ugh. You first. I bet there'll be more even if we hadn't just announced our arrival. Remember that we're going left."

"Left, got it," Wade said, slipping down into the elevator once the gas dissipated. "Hey, look, I'm walking all over these guys. Get it?"

Tony jumped down, enjoying the dull impact of his boots landing on top of one of the unconscious soldiers. He went to the elevator doors and positioned himself, waiting for Wade to show that he was ready before prying them open.

Wade open fired immediately, dropping the soldiers like flies, but the hail of lead tearing through his muscle didn't relent even after he'd reloaded. "Too many!" Wade barked, backing up to the elevator. Tony took his cue and rolled out, his shield at the ready, a gun in the other hand. He pressed his back to Wade and they moved, like a well-trained team, making their way to the next access point.

"Just so we're clear, you were the only one using live ammunition," Wade said when one of Tony's shots hit a man in the head.

"Pacifist," Tony muttered, holstering his gun so he could tend to the lock while Wade held off the enemy.

"Hey! This pains me, you know - Ow! Don't shoot my perfectly sculpted thighs, you jerk! - but I gotta score some cred with Priscilla. He doesn't ask a lot, y'know. Take out the trash, pick up some milk, don't track blood in the house."

"Wade... you really do love him, don't you?"

"Like a fat kid loves chocolate cake," Wade answered, turning to fire into the new area once Tony opened the doors, keeping one gun trained on the dwindling number of soldiers behind them at the same time. They shoved through the doorway quickly, Tony activating the lock behind them so they could focus on one side.

"Seriously, Wade," Tony continued. "No jokes or quips. You don't forfeit live ammunition for just anyone. You love him, right?"

"No jokes? No quips? Yeah. He's... he's Nate," Wade said, not having time to describe everything about Nate, and just one quality of him wouldn't do any justice. "What's it to you, anyway?"

"It's just nice," Tony said, deflecting fire with his shield. "When a lunatic has your life in his hands, it's nice to know that he can be serious about something."

"Aww. I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted," Wade said.

"Just keep focused," Tony urged. "I'll buy you ice cream after this."

"Can I have sprinkles on top?" Wade asked, leaning against the counter of the ice cream parlor. He tossed the device lightly between his hands while Tony cradled his wounded arm. "Put sprinkles on top," he told the teenaged 'ice cream artist' who was busy getting one scoop of each flavor into a waffle cone bowl.

"You don't deserve sprinkles," Tony muttered between clenched teeth.

"It was just a graze," Wade repeated. "We got the whoosiewhatsit, didn't we? And you're alive. You don't even qualify as 'maimed', so what're you complaining about? What is this thing, anyway? Crap, what if there's ebola in here? Or toy poodles?"

"Some of us do research before we take a job," Tony grunted, taking the mysterious case from Wade. "It's a prototype for an neuralacoustic transducer."

"That's a made-up word, isn't it?"

"Someone made it up, but not me," Tony shrugged. "I'll explain this to you simply."

"With picture diagrams, por favor?" Wade asked.

The server placed Wade's ice cream on the counter, and Tasky shoved it towards Wade pointedly. Wade grabbed the ice cream, popped the spoon into his mouth, and let Tasky choose a place for them to sit for their brief respite.

"The device is designed to emit ultrasonic frequencies," Tony said. "It's intended to disrupt neural functions in the cerebellum."

Wade narrowed his eyes while he chewed on his spoon. "Können Sie langsamer sprechen?"

"It's like an electric dog whistle," Tony tried again, stooping as low as he could manage. "Except, if it's tuned correctly, it can be used to temporarily paralyze someone because the sound interferes with their brain."

Wade sucked down another spoonful of ice cream. "Sound can do that?"

Tony snorted. "In theory. Reports say it doesn't work. But whoever wants it could easily reprogram it for something less ridiculous."

"Could it make ice cream?"

"It could probably melt ice cream." Tony opened the case to show Wade the device – honestly it didn't look like anything special. It certainly didn't shoot bullets or fire or tacos, so Wade wasn't that interested anymore.

Within a few more minutes, Wade had his ice cream wolfed down, sprinkles and all. He licked his spoon thoughtfully. "Where's the nearest breeder of electric eels?"

"I... I honestly don't even know if there is such a thing," Tony said. "I mean, I'm sure there is somewhere."

"Has to be," Wade agreed.

"Right. But around here? No idea."

Wade tossed his spoon and bowl into a trashcan and they left the parlor. "What about hedgehogs?"

"Illegal," Tony said.

"Yeeah, but that doesn't mean you don't know a guy who knows a guy," Wade winked.

"Sorry. The underground hedgehog market is too exclusive for me," Tony responded. "Carry this," he shoved the case into Wade's arms.

"But it's heavy."

"I got shot in the arm!"

"You only got shot once!"

"But you heal a thousand times faster than I do."

"Yeah, and I got shot like a thousand times, so comparably-"

"It's not comparable. Just carry the case."

"I'm only doing this under extreme duress."

"I'm not carrying that thing, and without it you don't get paid – how's that for duress?"

"Psh. You want to get paid, too, or else you'd just go home to Sandi and eat mac and cheese."

"Six mil would buy a lot of mac and cheese," Tony said. "Not to mention some fine dresses for my fine lady."

"Awww, you did remember my birthday!" Wade earned himself a tired kick from Tony.

"Six mil for you would more than cover Hope's college fund," Tony noted. "Unless you blow it all on hedgehogs and tacos."

"Psshhh, I wouldn't buy hedgehogs and tacos," Wade snorted. "Maybe tacos, but not just tacos."

"What then?" Tony asked as they walked.

"A summer home in Kailua, and a case of WD-40," Wade muttered dreamily.

Luckily for Tony's sanity, he'd learned not to question what Wade meant by some of the things he said.