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June 2022: WOKE CITY

OXFORD'S CANCEL CULTS

exclusive Akme report by Bachelor O'Farts

Following the news that Cecil Rhodes, Margaret Thatcher, Chris Codrington, Jenni Murray, Martyn Percy, Henry Somerset, Liz Windsor, Ludwig Beethoven, Andrew Malcolm, Theresa May, Terry Cephalopod, Wolfgang Mozart, Amber Rudd, Jesus Christ, Graham Linehan, Isaac Newton, Miles Inches, Charles Darwin, Pitt Rivers, Selina Todd and many others have been subjected to removal ('de-platforming') from fascist-endowed Oxford University, students are now campaigning that the language used for teaching there should no longer be English.

"English is the tongue of colonialism, racism and imperialism," declared activist Ollie Garchy. "It has for centuries been used around the world by the British as a tool for the indoctrination and subjugation of indigenous peoples and for the cancellation of their cultures and beliefs. Worse still, it is written using the script employed by the Romans, whose empire's very basis was slavery. It is high time that Oxford's teaching be conducted instead in the diverse ethnic languages of its multi-national intake of students."

Another campaigner, Penelope De Connaught, spokesthem of the 'Plaques Must Fall' movement, claims that the cancellation of English is just the start. Speaking in the native language of the southern African Ndebele people, it demanded the return to them of the imperialist's money. "Since Rhodes made his fortune at the expense of underpaid mineworkers, Oriel College should now be shipped back to Africa and rebuilt underground in the Gauteng savanna," she clicked.

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