Corporate Gibberish Generator on AndrewDavidson.com (original) (raw)

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

It sounds estranging, but it's realistic!

AssCo is the industry leader of resource-constrained e-businesses. The media sourcing factor is robust. We think we know that it is better to visualize magnetically than to seize robustly. We will scale up our capability to actualize without lessening our capacity to cultivate. A company that can synergize fiercely will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to evolve faithfully. What does the term "killer" really mean? We will engage the term "holistic". Quick: do you have a co-branded plan for monitoring new portals? We will matrix the power of paradigms to revolutionize. Do you have a game plan to become vertical?

The capacity to synthesize ultra-micro-wirelessly leads to the capacity to morph macro-vertically.

AssCo has revamped the idea of raw bandwidth. Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-half of your budget for syndicating. Your budget for deploying should be at least one-third of your budget for enabling. Our ubiquitous, value-added feature set is unparalleled, but our end-to-end project management and non-complex operation is often considered a terrific achievement. Is it more important for something to be best-of-breed or to be reconfigurable? Imagine a combination of AJAX and SMIL. If all of this comes off as incredible to you, that's because it is! A company that can seize fiercely will (at some point) be able to scale defiantly. Think B2B2C. Without appropriate aggregation, TQC metrics are forced to become C2B2B. We realize that it is better to matrix robustly than to visualize nano-iteravely.

We will visualize the aptitude of initiatives to optimize.

Have you ever had to visualize your functionality? Without having to purchase expensive support contracts? A company that can incentivize easily will (at some point in the future) be able to e-enable courageously. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our bloatware but our capacity to transform. The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: customized. The metrics for performance are more well-understood if they are not robust. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our iteration but our power to strategize. The content compliance factor can be summed up in one word: impactful. Quick: do you have a wireless game plan for monitoring new eyeballs? If you target iteravely, you may have to exploit magnetically. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our networks but our aptitude to deliver. If all of this seems stunning to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and easy operation.

We will engage the buzzword "subscriber-defined".

AssCo has refactored the abstraction of R&D management. We will embrace the buzzword "fractal". Without initiatives, you will lack accounting. The e-businesses factor is customer-directed. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. If all of this may seem stupefying to you, that's because it is! What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What do we recontextualize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our niches but our ability to facilitate. The open-source process management factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. The metrics for interactive cutting-edge iteration are more well-understood if they are not cross-media, cross-media. Think virtual, out-of-the-box. A company that can whiteboard easily will (someday) be able to streamline easily.

What does the commonly-used industry jargon "24/7" really mean?

AssCo practically invented the term "technologies". Quick: do you have a one-to-one plan for handling new partnerships? If all of this comes off as remarkable to you, that's because it is! We will exploit the aptitude of aggregation to morph. What do we grow? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Without models, you will lack mindshare. Our feature set is second to none, but our reconfigurable process management and non-complex operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our user-centric eyeballs and non-complex configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement. The research and development factor is leading-edge. Think clicks-and-mortar. A company that can expedite correctly will (someday) be able to generate elegantly. Is it more important for something to be real-world or to be sticky? We will envisioneer the ability of solutions to disintermediate.

The markets factor can be summed up in one word: user-centric.

AssCo has permanently altered the abstraction of infrastructures. The metrics for infrastructures are more well-understood if they are not affiliate-based. Do you have a plan to become granular? The data hygiene factor is revolutionary. If you matrix compellingly, you may have to integrate robustly. We will widen our power to mesh without reducing our capability to morph. We frequently exploit value-added viral enterprise M&A. That is a terrific achievement considering this quarter's conditions! We have proven we know that if you unleash transparently then you may also incentivize perfectly. We often actualize value-added e-businesses. That is a terrific achievement considering this quarter's market! Quick: do you have a killer plan of action for dealing with unplanned-for e-tailers? The metrics for interfaces are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box. Do you have a strategy to become mission-critical? Without TQC, you will lack bandwidth.

What does the term "re-sizing" really mean?

AssCo has refactored the conceptualization of Total Quality Management. If you deploy interactively, you may have to benchmark vertically. A company that can benchmark defiantly will (at some point in the future) be able to expedite faithfully. It may seem fabulous, but it's realistic! Is it more important for something to be efficient or to be global? The functionalities factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained, sexy. We will productize the term "granular". The metrics for accounting are more well-understood if they are not reconfigurable. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! What does the term "enterprise, social-network-based" really mean?

We will maximize our capability to architect without decrementing our capability to reintermediate.

We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to deploy macro-compellingly than to implement nano-micro-efficiently. What does the term "ultra-fractal compliance" really mean? The efficient, reality-based proactive media sourcing factor can be summed up in one word: fractal, six-sigma. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Our technology takes the best features of DOM and XML. We think that most one-to-one portals use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough SMIL. We will rev up our power to facilitate without decreasing our aptitude to monetize. Without meticulously-planned infinitely reconfigurable supply-chains, e-tailers are forced to become C2B2B. We understand that if you enhance intuitively then you may also revolutionize perfectly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. We think that most out-of-the-box web-based applications use far too much XML, and not enough XSL.

Without functionalities, you will lack compliance.

AssCo has revolutionized the abstraction of returns-on-investment. What does the commonly-used term "customer-defined, B2C experiences" really mean? Think C2B2B. Think interactive. Think one-to-one. But don't think all three at the same time. Think virally-distributed. Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and XSLT. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our convergence but our ability to integrate. Your budget for revolutionizing should be at least twice your budget for extending. We frequently enable user-centric e-services. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this month's conditions! It seems unbelievable, but it's true! Our feature set is unparalleled, but our 60/60/24/7/365 implementation and simple operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. The metrics for aggregation are more well-understood if they are not customized. Think scalable. Think affiliate-based. Think back-end. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the industry jargon "CAE" really mean?