Swing and a miss for Bo Bice (original) (raw)

American Idol's second-place curse strikes again. This time, it's fourth-season runner-up Bo Bice, down for the count.

The long-haired rocker was a welcome jolt of electricity last season amid Idol's lackluster pop and soul drones. He crooned with conviction, made creative song choices (Remember Vehicle and Whipping Post?) and eschewed the image makeover that overtakes most contestants.

That's why The Real Thing, Bice's debut disc, is such a complete disappointment. The album's 11 tracks are tedious, terribly clichéd and completely indistinguishable from each other. The real thing? Hardly.

Five minutes after you've listened to the disc — for a second time — it's impossible to remember even a stray chorus. Current Idol queen Underwood's uneven Some Hearts is a masterpiece compared to this.

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Bice is a talented and vibrant live performer, but here he's stripped of any musical identity. Gone are the classic and Southern-rock influences that marked much of his Idol run. Instead, we get watered-down, radio-ready pop fare that paints Bice as a whiny, put-upon boyfriend pining for love.

The album's barrage of high-wattage writers and producers has assembled a Frankenstein monster of an album, full of pieces that add up to a whole lot of nothing.

Producer Max Martin, known for his work with Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys, and schlocky songwriter Kara DioGuardi (Lindsay Lohan, Thalia, Hilary Duff) have also been thrown into the mix. Their contributions — U Make Me Better, Lie . . . It's All Right — are no worse (yet no better) than the rest.

You're Everything, written and produced by Nickelback's Chad Kroeger, is a serious dip among a flood of low points. For the love of a woman, Bice sings, he'd "eat off the floor" and "let you beat me black and blue." Oh, and he'd also "spray paint your name on the moon." How romantic.

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Bice would be wise to take a listen to Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway for lessons on how to make an appealing, creative pop record with a prickly rock edge.

Even Ashlee Simpson's last album rocked harder than The Real Thing.

Dec 19, 2005

Joey Guerra is the music critic for the Houston Chronicle. He also covers various aspects of pop culture. He has reviewed hundreds of concerts and interviewed hundreds of celebrities, from Taylor Swift to Dolly Parton to Beyonce. He’s appeared as a regular correspondent on Fox26 and was head judge and director of the Pride Superstar singing competition for a decade. He has been named journalist of the year multiple times by both OutSmart Magazine and the FACE Awards. He also covers various aspects of pop culture, including the local drag scene and "RuPaul's Drag Race."