In Pictures: The 25 Largest Fictional Companies (original) (raw)
Our very first ranking of the largest fictional companies in the universe has been a mammoth undertaking. Dozens of reporters have spent countless hours poring over financial documents, our far-flung network of correspondents has traveled much of the space-time continuum, and sophisticated algorithms have been perfected to perform the tricky business of converting gold pieces, Zorkmids and other exotic currencies into 2007 U.S. dollars. But it has been a labor of love, and we hope you enjoy reading it as much as we have enjoyed writing it.
#1 Combine Honnete Ober Advancer Mercantiles (CHOAM)
Headquarters: Planet Kaitain
Industry: Pharmaceuticals
CEO: Shaddam Corrino IV
Est. 2007 sales: $1.7 trillion
Company's monopoly of spice melange drug is central to enormous success; spice accounts for 80% of all CHOAM's revenues and even a higher percentage of profits. Enviable customer-loyalty model: One dose of spice is enough to addict a person for a lifetime, continued use extends lifespan by hundreds of years, and quitting is invariably fatal. Several intergalactic tobacco companies rumored to be investigating partnerships.
Featured in Dune.
#2 Acme Corp.
Headquarters: Acme Acres, Acmetropolis
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Marvin K. Acme Jr.
Est. 2007 sales: $348.7 billion
Wal-Mart-sized Acme Corp., long the "leader in creative mayhem," the universe's largest purveyor of anvils, earthquake pills and jet-propelled pogo sticks, now branching out into theme parks. New CEO enthuses, "People want to experience the Acme lifestyle in a more meaningful way than merely purchasing one of our 'charmingly defective' products." Skeptics point out safety concerns; limited market for being flattened by a boulder, blown up by a faulty detonator or impaled upon a cactus. Acme Jr. waves away concerns: "As my father always used to say, If it's Acme, it's a gasser!"
Featured in Looney Tunes.
#3 Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
Headquarters: Sirius Tau System
Industry: Technology
CEO: Loudma Dsagas
Est. 2007 sales: $327.2 billion
Intergalactic technology vendor. Products feature "Genuine People Personalities"; doors thank users for opening them, robots suffer from paranoia and depression, drink dispensers analyze customers' taste buds yet inevitably dispense a beverage that tastes "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea." The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy defines the Marketing Division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. as "a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes."
Featured in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
#4 MomCorp
Headquarters: New New York City, Earth
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Mom
Est. 2007 sales: $291.8 billion
Intra-solar conglomerate; major divisions include Mom's Friendly Delivery Co., Mom's Friendly Baby Food Co. and Mom's Friendly Advanced Weapon & Munition Co. Manufacturer of most of Earth's robots, MomCorp holds global monopoly on synthetic robot oil. CEO and 99.7% stockholder Mom locked in power struggle with co-owners, sons Walt, Larry and Ignar; has threatened to "cram squirrels in their frigging blow holes if they don't settle down."
Featured in Futurama.
#5 Rich Industries
Headquarters: Richville, U.S.A.
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Richard Rich
Est. 2007 sales: $163.4 billion
Turbulent year for company management. Bomb placed on corporate jet by Executive VP Laurence Van Dough left CEO Richard Rich and wife Regina stranded on desert island with only pâté to eat; Van Dough framed butler Cadbury for the bombing. Rich Industries heir Richie Rich successfully exposed takeover attempt, rescued parents, threw lavish welcome-home party featuring gold-dusted ice cream sundaes.
Featured in Richie Rich.
#6 Soylent Corp.
Headquarters: New York, N.Y.
Industry: Processed & Packaged Goods
CEO: William R. Simonson
Est. 2007 sales: $157.1 billion
Exclusive provider of U.S. government synthetic-food rations. Staple products Soylent Yellow and Red, both high-energy vegetable concentrates, increasingly eclipsed by new Soylent Green, which is produced in secretive, heavily guarded farms and factories. Rumors abound regarding composition of the tasty, brightly colored wafers; Soylent Corp. describes them as "a miracle food of high-energy plankton," but critics claim they might be made of something less appetizing.
Featured in Soylent Green.
#7 The Very Big Corporation of America
Headquarters: Chicago, Ill.
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Terry Gilliam
Est. 2007 sales: $146.6 billion
The Very Big Corporation's much-hyped acquisition of British insurance firm, the Permanent Assurance, disintegrated amid cultural differences, cannon fire. Very Big's management sanguine despite loss; CEO Gilliam dismissing the $3.2 billion sales of the now rechristened Crimson Permanent Assurance as "frankly a bit small for our tastes." Very Big intensely focused on size over quality; subsidiaries include A. Maze and Lee Huge, Super Big Ltd., Interstellar Travel Corp., World Wide Wine Corp., the All Enveloping Co. and Liver Donors Inc.
Featured in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.
#8 Frobozz Magic Co.
Headquarters: Quendor
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: John D. Flathead
Est. 2007 sales: $112.9 billion
"You name it, we do it" is an appropriate motto for a company with over 17,000 subsidiaries and the stated corporate goal of controlling every Zorkmid ever minted. Seemingly disparate concerns such as the Frobozz Magic Avocado Co., the Frobozz Magic Bathrobe Co. and Frobozz Magic Purple Beast Alarm System Co. are united by a unique corporate philosophy best expressed as "hello, sailor" or the number 69,105.
Featured in Zork.
#9 Warbucks Industries
Headquarters: New York, N.Y.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
Co-CEOs: Punjap and Asap (pro tempore)
Est. 2007 sales: $61.5 billion
Tragedy struck the world's largest maker of depleted uranium artillery shells, cluster bombs and cat food when founder and CEO Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks was killed by an improvised explosive device while visiting Iraq in March. Warbucks' will, corporate ownership being fiercely contested by ex-wives, Lil' Orphan Annie, others. Former bodyguards Punjap and Asap sharing chief executive role, imposing discipline, while courts decide issue.
Featured in Lil' Orphan Annie.
#10 Tyrell Corp.
Headquarters: Los Angeles, Calif.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
CEO: Dr. Eldon Tyrell
Est. 2007 sales: $59.4 billion
PETA, Amnesty International, Greenpeace, countless other activist groups have linked arms with bio-ethicists of all stripes in loudly declaiming the activities of the Tyrell Corp., maker of highly realistic androids. No matter--nearly everyone else wants a robot that is "more human than human." Consumer advocacy groups outraged by four-year planned obsolescence on most Tyrell products, but founder Eldon Tyrell insists feature is required for the safety of customers.
Featured in Bladerunner.
#11 Wayne Enterprises
Headquarters: Gotham City, U.S.A.
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Lucius Fox
Est. 2007 sales: $31.3 billion
Founded by merchant ancestors of Wayne family in the 17th century, Wayne Enterprises has grown to encompass defense technologies, petrochemicals and alien artifact retrieval. Profits up significantly due to sale of "Brother Eye" spy satellite technology to U.S. government. Majority stockholder Bruce Wayne subject of FBI investigation after top-secret military prototypes "lost" from company storage.
Featured in Batman.
#12 Virtucon
Headquarters: Evil Island, Fla.
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Scott Evil
Est. 2007 sales: $24.9 billion
Former CEO "Number Two" spent 30 years turning a two-bit evil empire into a world-class multi-billion-dollar corporation; was rewarded by owner Dr. Evil with death by incineration. Virtucon owns cable companies in 38 states, a steel mill in Cleveland, shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle and a factory in Chicago that makes miniature models of factories. Also majority institutional shareholder of coffee chain Starbucks.
Featured in Austin Powers.
#13 Globex
Headquarters: Cypress Creek, U.S.A.
Industry: Conglomerate
CEO: Hank Scorpio
Est. 2007 sales: $23.7 billion
Technology conglomerate named one of the "America's Best Employers," thanks in part to innovative programs like providing hammocks for workers. Revenues up significantly; productivity in nuclear division well ahead of weather machine and germ warfare divisions. Iconoclastic CEO Hank Scorpio known for being the first wealthy man in America to wear jeans with a sport coat, carrying loose sugar in his pockets, conquering the East Coast with a doomsday device.
Featured in The Simpsons.
#14 Umbrella Corp.
Headquarters: London, England
Industry: Pharmaceuticals
CEO: Ozwell E. Spenser
Est. 2007 sales: $22.6 billion
Company continues to milk extraordinary success of Aqua Cure, an instantaneously acting liquid medicine for open wounds and the key ingredient in first aid sprays, health power-ups across videogame world. Despite vast profits, secrecy-obsessed management continues to insist on housing researchers in creepy mansions tucked in out-of-the-way locales like Raccoon City; morale suffering. CEO categorically denies rumors of bio-weapon development, insists zombie-like pallor of workers is "natural for someone in this industry."
Featured in Resident Evil.
#15 Wonka Industries
Headquarters: Kent, England
Industry: Food, Drink & Tobacco
CEO: Willy Wonka
Est. 2007 sales: $21.0 billion
Immature management continues to plague Wonka, maker of world's finest chocolates, sweets. Wonka heir apparent Charlie Bucket devoting majority of time to speculative "Glass Elevator" space tourism project, neglecting core confectionary competence. Experts say Glass Elevator should be perfectly safe, but public remains skeptical despite celebrity endorsements from the likes of Johnny Depp.
Featured in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
#16 Stark Industries
Headquarters: New York, N.Y.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
CEO: Tony Stark
Est. 2007 sales: $20.3 billion
Stark Industries dominates headlines following alleged misdeeds of security personnel in Iraq and Afghanistan. Regardless, family controlled company saw sales surge thanks to contacts forged after Stark was appointed head of global law-enforcement unit S.H.I.E.L.D. New line of "Hulkbuster" armored suits won $6.2 billion Department of Defense contract.
Featured in Iron Man.
#17 Clampett Oil
Headquarters: Los Angeles, Calif.
Industry: Oil & Gas
CEO: Jed Clampett
Est. 2007 sales: $18.1 billion
From modest Ozark roots, Clampett Oil expanded quickly; by 1960s was widely considered "inbred-cousin" to Seven Sisters oil majors. More recent growth focused in central Asian republics, where homespun management style considered asset, not liability.
Featured in The Beverly Hillbillies.
#18 Oceanic Airlines
Headquarters: Fort Worth, Tex.
Industry: Transportation
CEO: Edward Murphy
2007 sales: $7.8 billion
Despite record revenues, airline group currently seeking bankruptcy protection following billions of dollars in fines and settlements from class-action lawsuits. Recent Oceanic flights plagued by disaster. Flight 343 from Washington, D.C., to Athens hijacked by terrorists, narrowly saved from disaster by commando team. Flight 815 from Sydney to Los Angeles mysteriously crashed somewhere between Australia and Hawaii, no survivors.
Featured in Lost.
#19 Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems
Headquarters: San Narciso, Calif.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
CEO: Clayton "Bloody" Chiclitz
Est. 2007 sales: $5.8 billion
Shadowy Southern California defense outfit thought to be benefiting greatly from ongoing conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan. Persistent rumors hint of broad conspiracy involving Yoyodyne execs, improvised explosive devices, Pakistan's intelligence service and Tristero postal service.
Featured in The Crying of Lot 49.
#20 Cyberdyne Systems Corp.
Headquarters: Sunnyvale, Calif.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
CEO: Skynet
Est. 2007 sales: $5.5 billion
Analysts remain puzzled by bizarre business strategy adopted by defense contractor Cyberdyne after it was taken over several years ago by Skynet, a distributed artificial intelligence. In move not covered in any M.B.A. class, Skynet seems to be directing company resources to killing off its customers, all of humanity, in a project code-named "Judgment Day." Revenue implications thought to be dire if initiative succeeds.
Featured in Terminator.
#21 d'Anconia Copper
Headquarters: New York, N.Y.
Industry: Materials
CEO: Franciso d'Anconia
Est. 2007 sales: $5.0 billion
D'Anconia prospering mightily over last decade after CEO and owner Francisco d'Anconia shed his youthful idealism, playboy ways and lined up at the public trough like all his competitors. D'Anconcia still owns world's largest copper mine, but has diversified into agribusiness and is now heavily dependent on ethanol, cotton subsidies. Reportedly spends more money lobbying than R.J. Reynolds and the AARP combined.
Featured in Atlas Shrugged.
#22 Gringotts
Headquarters: London, England
Industry: Financial Services
CEO: Borgnuk
Est. 2007 sales: $4.4 billion
Reputation of Goblin bank left in tatters after successful break-in and burglary from one of its most highly secured vaults. Revelations that the theft was masterminded by Harry Potter (a.k.a. "The Boy Who Lived") fail to reassure customers concerned that the bank's much-ballyhooed security was compromised by mere children.
Featured in Harry Potter.
#23 Oscorp
Headquarters: New York, N.Y.
Industry: Aerospace & Defense
CEO: Norman Osborne
Est. 2007 sales: $3.1 billion
Rocky year for manufacturer of high-tech weaponry; lost high-profile Department of Defense grant for human performance drug research to competitor Quest Aerospace; lead researcher Dr. Stromm found murdered in lab. Board of directors said to have lost confidence in CEO Osborne; considering outright sale of company. Osborne promises to punish his enemies, get through bad times; says, "Work is murder."
Featured in Spider-Man.
#24 Nakatomi Trading Corp.
Headquarters: Tokyo, Japan
Industry: Financial services
CEO: Ichiro Takagi
2007 Sales: $2.5 billion
Nakatomi profiting handsomely from bearer bond market after vast majority of competitors abandoned shadowy market years ago. The instruments remain illegal in nearly all U.S. jurisdictions; popular in Central America, Caribbean. Shady profits not without price: Nakatomi's Los Angeles outpost badly damaged in recent Christmastime robbery attempt, CEO's son killed.
Featured in Die Hard.
#25 Spacely Space Sprockets
Headquarters: Low Earth orbit
Industry: Capital goods
CEO: Cosmo G. Spacely
Est. 2007 sales: $1.3 billion
Perfection of "one-button" sprocket manufacturing and shipping process has vaulted this once sleepy, family-owned concern into the corporate big leagues. Cosmo Spacely's coddled employees said to only work three-hour-a-day, three-day-a-week jobs, but workers must suffer his notoriously volatile temper and endure incessant termination threats.
Featured in The Jetsons.