Nothing in This World Could Keep Me from Staring at You (original) (raw)

(no subject)	[Apr. 18th, 2010\|05:13 pm]aloneinmyhed
Being 6 months pregnant, never sleeping because I cant get comfortable with a basketball attached to my stomach, working 40hours a week, and going to school makes me really enjoy days like today. Days when I don't get out of bed, just to eat. Every things going really well lately. Work and school are the usual. The doctors says that the baby is completely healthy. My mom and dad are super excited and supportive. Saving up money!! And was able to completely pay off all my dept with my tax refund. My only problem is I don't sleep. I sleep in a few hour increments but nothing of substance. Harleigh is going to be a soccer ball player or a professional Fist Pumper because all night long I feel her going buckwild. Its a pretty insane feeling. I cant wait for her to come. The only nice thing about not sleeping is that I can feel her kick when I bored and trying to fall asleep. My friend Chris was the first person to feel her kick on the outside. Alex was totally jealous!! Haha. My baby shower seems to be going accordingly. Im excited! It should be a good time. Well, I better get ready. Donna, Chris, Josh, and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory tonight for some of the most delicious food ever!!!!For someone to have such judgments about me and my daughter, you really should take a look in the mirror, because to me, it doesn't look like you've done a single thing with your life besides take the easy way.
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(no subject)

[Apr. 18th, 2010|05:13 pm]aloneinmyhed

Being 6 months pregnant, never sleeping because I cant get comfortable with a basketball attached to my stomach, working 40hours a week, and going to school makes me really enjoy days like today. Days when I don't get out of bed, just to eat. Every things going really well lately. Work and school are the usual. The doctors says that the baby is completely healthy. My mom and dad are super excited and supportive. Saving up money!! And was able to completely pay off all my dept with my tax refund. My only problem is I don't sleep. I sleep in a few hour increments but nothing of substance. Harleigh is going to be a soccer ball player or a professional Fist Pumper because all night long I feel her going buckwild. Its a pretty insane feeling. I cant wait for her to come. The only nice thing about not sleeping is that I can feel her kick when I bored and trying to fall asleep. My friend Chris was the first person to feel her kick on the outside. Alex was totally jealous!! Haha. My baby shower seems to be going accordingly. Im excited! It should be a good time. Well, I better get ready. Donna, Chris, Josh, and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory tonight for some of the most delicious food ever!!!!For someone to have such judgments about me and my daughter, you really should take a look in the mirror, because to me, it doesn't look like you've done a single thing with your life besides take the easy way.

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(no subject)	[Feb. 22nd, 2010\|01:21 am]aloneinmyhed
Mom at 20 was not in my game plan. But I have finally passed the "oh shit" stage and am finally excited. I can feel it move. Its the strangest thing I have ever felt. Only 4.5 months til my baby comes. Now I have to look out for us. Its just the 2 of us and I love it already. Telling my mom is the only obstitcal I have to over come. My dad is super supportive and Im going to be living with him for a few months til I have my feet on the ground. I should be able to finish school. The only reason I am posting this is because baby is restless causing me to be restless. Seeing how I had 4 months of no symptoms of even knowledge of being pregnant I know the rest of the time is going to fly. I can do this with or without him. Im not even worried. I know he is a piece of shit and I have decided that if you are not in my life to benefit it, then get the fuck out. My life will no longer revolve around me. I can accept that. What has a life of partying gotten me? Fatter because of the massive amount of alcohol I have consumed? A few ridiculous moments? I feel like my life has meaning. I am made for more than just the crazy party girl. Everyone is super supportive, including Mrs. Paugh which is a total shocker!! Valerie and Bill are worried but supportive. Im gonna tell my mom once I go to Florida next week. Hopefully she doesnt kill me. Im going to try and go to sleep now. Hopefully baby stops doing karate or what ever he/she is doing.
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(no subject)

[Feb. 22nd, 2010|01:21 am]aloneinmyhed

Mom at 20 was not in my game plan. But I have finally passed the "oh shit" stage and am finally excited. I can feel it move. Its the strangest thing I have ever felt. Only 4.5 months til my baby comes. Now I have to look out for us. Its just the 2 of us and I love it already. Telling my mom is the only obstitcal I have to over come. My dad is super supportive and Im going to be living with him for a few months til I have my feet on the ground. I should be able to finish school. The only reason I am posting this is because baby is restless causing me to be restless. Seeing how I had 4 months of no symptoms of even knowledge of being pregnant I know the rest of the time is going to fly. I can do this with or without him. Im not even worried. I know he is a piece of shit and I have decided that if you are not in my life to benefit it, then get the fuck out. My life will no longer revolve around me. I can accept that. What has a life of partying gotten me? Fatter because of the massive amount of alcohol I have consumed? A few ridiculous moments? I feel like my life has meaning. I am made for more than just the crazy party girl. Everyone is super supportive, including Mrs. Paugh which is a total shocker!! Valerie and Bill are worried but supportive. Im gonna tell my mom once I go to Florida next week. Hopefully she doesnt kill me. Im going to try and go to sleep now. Hopefully baby stops doing karate or what ever he/she is doing.

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(no subject)	[Oct. 7th, 2009\|03:46 am]aloneinmyhed
I miss the old you...
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(no subject)	[Aug. 24th, 2009\|11:14 pm]aloneinmyhed
So, I am currently living in Beacon with Alex, Meme and Alex. It si pretty awesome. I work full time at Mother Earth's in PK. I like my job, the people there are totally crazy but nice! My mother moves to Florida on Monday. I am pretty upset. I feel pretty abadoned. I dont know how long I will last with out her because we have grown very close in the last few years. I am also terribly upset that Colleen will be gone. She is my little buddy. My mini me, I am not quite sure what I will do without her. I talk to her atleast 3 times a week and visit home 1-3times a week. I am losing my home. The house that holds the greatest memories of my life is no longer my home. I dont know if I am just being a big fat baby but I cover it well. No one knows how I truly feel with the exception of Brendan and Alex. More Brendan bc he has been my psychologist lately. My dad has a new girl friend how is pretty nice. He has his own shit he needs to get throu so leaning on him isnt much of a choice. So, I stand almsot alone. Alex has her own problems and I dont want to burden her with mine. I shall be fine, like always. On a ligher note, Alex and I got matching tattoos yesterday!! I think they are pretty cool, but totally gay. But I dont care. Its very us. Its a Best friend Heart necklace like thing, split at the top with music notes comng out of the top. Its on my back/hip area. I love it!! 3 and counting!!
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(no subject)

[Aug. 24th, 2009|11:14 pm]aloneinmyhed

So, I am currently living in Beacon with Alex, Meme and Alex. It si pretty awesome. I work full time at Mother Earth's in PK. I like my job, the people there are totally crazy but nice! My mother moves to Florida on Monday. I am pretty upset. I feel pretty abadoned. I dont know how long I will last with out her because we have grown very close in the last few years. I am also terribly upset that Colleen will be gone. She is my little buddy. My mini me, I am not quite sure what I will do without her. I talk to her atleast 3 times a week and visit home 1-3times a week. I am losing my home. The house that holds the greatest memories of my life is no longer my home. I dont know if I am just being a big fat baby but I cover it well. No one knows how I truly feel with the exception of Brendan and Alex. More Brendan bc he has been my psychologist lately. My dad has a new girl friend how is pretty nice. He has his own shit he needs to get throu so leaning on him isnt much of a choice. So, I stand almsot alone. Alex has her own problems and I dont want to burden her with mine. I shall be fine, like always. On a ligher note, Alex and I got matching tattoos yesterday!! I think they are pretty cool, but totally gay. But I dont care. Its very us. Its a Best friend Heart necklace like thing, split at the top with music notes comng out of the top. Its on my back/hip area. I love it!! 3 and counting!!

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(no subject)	[Jun. 13th, 2009\|04:59 pm]aloneinmyhed
I fucked up. Probably the worst I have ever fucked up. I cant stand myself right now.
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(no subject)	[Jun. 3rd, 2009\|03:52 pm]aloneinmyhed
Oh my how the tables have turned!! A ticket for possession is never a good thing.
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(no subject)	[Jun. 1st, 2009\|02:15 pm]aloneinmyhed
I have never been so driven to do something with my life yet not known what to do. I am stuck. I am not attending school in the fall. I cant handle it. I may be attending Massage Therapy School in January but in which state I am not sure. I need to find something to do yet I cant figure out what it is I want to do. I applied to join the Peace Corps. And parts of me want to be a stewardess. I have absolutely no direction for the first time in my life. I want to move..now, but whats smartest and what I want do not go hand in hand. I have yet to find a calling. I worry that in all of this indecisiveness i will become a BUM. I am working alot but I have no passion towards any career. I am totally lost.
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(no subject)

[Jun. 1st, 2009|02:15 pm]aloneinmyhed

I have never been so driven to do something with my life yet not known what to do. I am stuck. I am not attending school in the fall. I cant handle it. I may be attending Massage Therapy School in January but in which state I am not sure. I need to find something to do yet I cant figure out what it is I want to do. I applied to join the Peace Corps. And parts of me want to be a stewardess. I have absolutely no direction for the first time in my life. I want to move..now, but whats smartest and what I want do not go hand in hand. I have yet to find a calling. I worry that in all of this indecisiveness i will become a BUM. I am working alot but I have no passion towards any career. I am totally lost.

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(no subject)	[May. 16th, 2009\|02:27 am]aloneinmyhed
Soooo Matt is coming to my family reunion camping trip. I am soo excited that I have been on cloud 9 since he said yes. I have a feeling that it is going to be pretty intenseamazing because it might be me Keri Alex and Matt.Alex is a maybe and I would not be surprised if Keri backed out last second. All in all i am really looking foward to this trip. I cant believe that he is coming. He went from not wanting anything to do with my family to coming on my reunion trip?? Maybe it is that fact that it is going to be one non-stop party but still. I hope we have a good time. Also we are going to this festival in July together with some of Matts others friends. It is in Michigan for 5 days camping listening to Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan. Not gonna lie I am pretty excited about it. So far this is looking to be a really awesome summer. I just hope everything works out that way that it is planned. I just wish that I wasnt so hung up on him. It is literally impossible for us to have a relationship besides that fact that he doesnt want one. I am most likely moving in the next few months and I dont want to be tied down. Also their is the fact that he is gone almost every other week for 10 or more days. that is a bitch even only being his "friend with benefits". All in all we have a good friendship so I am not to worried. Im am just really excited that we are able to remain friends after that akward time. He is an amazing friend and I love him dearly as a friend. He is just sometimes a pain in the ass/heart!
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(no subject)

[May. 16th, 2009|02:27 am]aloneinmyhed

Soooo Matt is coming to my family reunion camping trip. I am soo excited that I have been on cloud 9 since he said yes. I have a feeling that it is going to be pretty intenseamazing because it might be me Keri Alex and Matt.Alex is a maybe and I would not be surprised if Keri backed out last second. All in all i am really looking foward to this trip. I cant believe that he is coming. He went from not wanting anything to do with my family to coming on my reunion trip?? Maybe it is that fact that it is going to be one non-stop party but still. I hope we have a good time. Also we are going to this festival in July together with some of Matts others friends. It is in Michigan for 5 days camping listening to Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan. Not gonna lie I am pretty excited about it. So far this is looking to be a really awesome summer. I just hope everything works out that way that it is planned. I just wish that I wasnt so hung up on him. It is literally impossible for us to have a relationship besides that fact that he doesnt want one. I am most likely moving in the next few months and I dont want to be tied down. Also their is the fact that he is gone almost every other week for 10 or more days. that is a bitch even only being his "friend with benefits". All in all we have a good friendship so I am not to worried. Im am just really excited that we are able to remain friends after that akward time. He is an amazing friend and I love him dearly as a friend. He is just sometimes a pain in the ass/heart!

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Memories	[May. 5th, 2009\|01:25 am]aloneinmyhed
I remember when you were true.I remember when you were youI remember when you stood by your wordI remember when you didn't lieI remember when you hated himI remember when you dated herI remember when you hurt me so badI remember when you could take my pain awayI remember when you caredI remember when you kissed me on the cheekI remember when we dared to fightI remember when we danced I remember when we shared that glaceI remember when we metI remember when we held each other as close as couldI remember looking into your tear-filled eyes and knowing I would never be aloneI remember the picture that killedI remember the perfect pictureI remember when the thought of you being away brought tears to my eyesI remember when I leftI remember when you leftI remember that farewell kissI remember when you hugged me, apologized and kissed me on the foreheadI remember the tears we shared in the basement I remember our last conversationI remember wishing more than ever for a phone call that would never comeI remember dreaming about you and wishing to never wake upI remember it all, like it was yesterdayI remember the good and the badI remember...when I realized I lost
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Memories

[May. 5th, 2009|01:25 am]aloneinmyhed

I remember when you were true.I remember when you were youI remember when you stood by your wordI remember when you didn't lieI remember when you hated himI remember when you dated herI remember when you hurt me so badI remember when you could take my pain awayI remember when you caredI remember when you kissed me on the cheekI remember when we dared to fightI remember when we danced I remember when we shared that glaceI remember when we metI remember when we held each other as close as couldI remember looking into your tear-filled eyes and knowing I would never be aloneI remember the picture that killedI remember the perfect pictureI remember when the thought of you being away brought tears to my eyesI remember when I leftI remember when you leftI remember that farewell kissI remember when you hugged me, apologized and kissed me on the foreheadI remember the tears we shared in the basement I remember our last conversationI remember wishing more than ever for a phone call that would never comeI remember dreaming about you and wishing to never wake upI remember it all, like it was yesterdayI remember the good and the badI remember...when I realized I lost

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I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am	[May. 4th, 2009\|11:06 pm]aloneinmyhed
So this weekend was Bamboozle. It was pretty intense. I learned that drunken Moshing is not a very good idea with a lip ring but it didn't end to badly. Some pretty funny moments this weekend such as talking none stop during the Wolverine movie. I have decided that if i ever want to see a movie in its completion I should not watch them with Matt. Friday was hoodwinked, Me Alex and Matt drove to Fordum for booze and successfully purchased them from the creepiest store I have ever seen in the Bronx. Sadly none of us are 21 so it was what we had to resort to but it made for a good trip to White Castle. Hoodwinked was really good. Some good mosh pits and such. Mr. Punk Rocker Matt and I even moshed to Skater Boi by Avril Lavinge!! Then after a pretty ridicules night in a hotel I got Matt to come to Bamboozle on Saturday. I told him repeativly that I should not drink on an empty stomach at 10am but he did not listen so I was completely trashed by 12. Which made for a pretty crazy time during the first few sets of Bamboozle. Bayside had the best performance of the day besides that I got punched in the face in the pit right in my new lip ring. I was drunk so i couldn't feel it til I started to sober up. Then Sunday, It was pretty good. The Used had a really good set along with TBS and No Doupt. No one was really bad but none were half as amazing as the first 2 years that I attended. I will only go next year depending on the line up and it has to be a spectacular one at that. Today I decided that I needed an oil change and then broke a break line and almost got stranded at Metric Motors bc they would not let me leave with my car. Thank god for Daddy who also saved my ass for Bamboozle! I am not sure if I updated about last weekend but I made some pretty awesome Newburgh friends, my fav being Sara Lari. She is a really great person. Alex's first apartment party was a really big hit besides the fact that she feel asleep 4 hours before it ended and before sara and Mike showed up. I had a blast and assumed the position as host. That is pretty much the lastest for the past couple of weeks. I am still tangled up in Matt which is really silly. I dont know why, maybe it is the fact that we click so well. Idk, its just tough to have to stop myself around him. We have actually become even better friends recently which is good! I would trust him with anything and I love him soo much as a friend. I am really glad that we do not have a relationship though because i dont want it to hold me back from moving. I am not going back to school next semester which is a big relif. I am most likely attending Massage Therapy School in South Carolina or somewhere. All that I need to figure out is the somewhere...it will come. I am not worried. More to come later. I am absolutly petrified that one day I will no longer remember my memories so i am glad that I still use LJ even if no one reads it. It has become more of a personal diary. I guess that is the point of it but it seems to be more useful lately.
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I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am

[May. 4th, 2009|11:06 pm]aloneinmyhed

So this weekend was Bamboozle. It was pretty intense. I learned that drunken Moshing is not a very good idea with a lip ring but it didn't end to badly. Some pretty funny moments this weekend such as talking none stop during the Wolverine movie. I have decided that if i ever want to see a movie in its completion I should not watch them with Matt. Friday was hoodwinked, Me Alex and Matt drove to Fordum for booze and successfully purchased them from the creepiest store I have ever seen in the Bronx. Sadly none of us are 21 so it was what we had to resort to but it made for a good trip to White Castle. Hoodwinked was really good. Some good mosh pits and such. Mr. Punk Rocker Matt and I even moshed to Skater Boi by Avril Lavinge!! Then after a pretty ridicules night in a hotel I got Matt to come to Bamboozle on Saturday. I told him repeativly that I should not drink on an empty stomach at 10am but he did not listen so I was completely trashed by 12. Which made for a pretty crazy time during the first few sets of Bamboozle. Bayside had the best performance of the day besides that I got punched in the face in the pit right in my new lip ring. I was drunk so i couldn't feel it til I started to sober up. Then Sunday, It was pretty good. The Used had a really good set along with TBS and No Doupt. No one was really bad but none were half as amazing as the first 2 years that I attended. I will only go next year depending on the line up and it has to be a spectacular one at that. Today I decided that I needed an oil change and then broke a break line and almost got stranded at Metric Motors bc they would not let me leave with my car. Thank god for Daddy who also saved my ass for Bamboozle! I am not sure if I updated about last weekend but I made some pretty awesome Newburgh friends, my fav being Sara Lari. She is a really great person. Alex's first apartment party was a really big hit besides the fact that she feel asleep 4 hours before it ended and before sara and Mike showed up. I had a blast and assumed the position as host. That is pretty much the lastest for the past couple of weeks. I am still tangled up in Matt which is really silly. I dont know why, maybe it is the fact that we click so well. Idk, its just tough to have to stop myself around him. We have actually become even better friends recently which is good! I would trust him with anything and I love him soo much as a friend. I am really glad that we do not have a relationship though because i dont want it to hold me back from moving. I am not going back to school next semester which is a big relif. I am most likely attending Massage Therapy School in South Carolina or somewhere. All that I need to figure out is the somewhere...it will come. I am not worried. More to come later. I am absolutly petrified that one day I will no longer remember my memories so i am glad that I still use LJ even if no one reads it. It has become more of a personal diary. I guess that is the point of it but it seems to be more useful lately.

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