She's Just Too Old for Her Age (original) (raw)

20 October 2011 @ 10:58 am

I've never been a gambler. I like to think things through, to research all the angles and know exactly what the next course of action will be. For the first time in my life I find myself choosing to close my eyes, hold my nose and jump into the deep end. Ending my time at Universal was the right decision. It allowed for me to end the "Orlando" years of my life and focus on my family. The job at GSI Commerce was not a position experience, so ending that job was the right thing to do as well. Now I'm unemployed. Ed says "Don't worry about it, baby, I'll take care of you." I signed up to be a full time student at Keiser, so that I am now one step closer to becoming a Nurse. So the plan is: go to school full time for 8 months while Eddie takes care of the bills, try to get a part time job somewhere and hopefully get a medical career started as soon as I graduate.

How will this effect our plans to buy a house? I have no idea. Should we rent a house in the meantime? Probably. If we end up eating hot dogs and Ramen noodles at least we'll have a place of our own and a bedroom that Jaysie can call her own.

Days filled with Self Sacrifice, Stress over bills, Sleepless nights, Baby Mama drama, temper tantrums in the middle of a store..... Growing up is fun.

It's difficult for me to rely on people. If this isn't a life learning experience I don't know what is.

Current Location: Merritt Island, FL

Current Mood: stressed

02 January 2010 @ 09:06 pm

Having had one of the most enlightening conversations I have ever had- over a Mexican lunch with Dad- I stand now more affirmed of my direction in life than ever before. Immediately following my Mexican spiritual revelation I called my grandparents to apologize fore being an ungrateful hypocrite to them. I then apologized to my Aunt and Uncle for being unforgiving snob. I also spoke to my sister, passing the olive branch over the gorge of misery and resentment that has separated us for the past year. know I have a lot of growing up to do, but I like to think that my actions taken today were in the right direction. I wise woman knows when she's been wrong and knows when to admit it to those that she's hurt.

Know, just as I have finished watching Julie and Julia, a film I will now consider to be one of the absolute cutest movies that I have ever seen, I sit in my living room pondering my life and the year that is to come. My deep blue guitar and I stare at eachother each longing to be played by our missing boyfriend. Music seeps through the apartment walls. I curiously push my ear against the wall to overhear my neighbor singing and playing his guitar. It's in a language that I don't quite recognize. It could be some type of Spanish, but there's a hint of something else in his tone. Creole or some other Caribbean dialect. It sooths me in a way that I didn't expect. Like a little gift from the universe, thanking me for what I have done. Telling me to enjoy life once again.

Current Mood: cheerful

08 November 2009 @ 06:57 pm

I survived yet another HHN season. This year was definitely not as fun as last year's. New management team and their new plans only messed up everyone's mojo for the worse, not the better. Long 14 hour shifts and regular school hours made life impossible for the entire month that was October. I have emerged from that hectic environment relatively unscathed. Now I'm left to finish roughly 6 classes worth of final semester projects. Let the end of term study sessions and coffee binges begin. I thought I was running low on sleep beforehand. But the end of it all is near. Crunch time and hell for now, but it'll all be done with in 3 weeks. I think I can. I think I can. Kt keeps chuggin along.

My Englishman will be here Dec 10. I have made and purchased a myriad of of reservations and tickets for his Christmas visit. The uber planner in me has arranged for something amazing for nearly everyday. I hope it all goes over as planned. My luck we'll experience record breaking freak weather and/or a hurricane.

Current Mood: tired

25 August 2009 @ 10:30 am

Last night we had a very low key night at home with the parents. Mum made fajitas, which was a bit different from the kind of fajitas that I'm used to, but good none the less. I fell asleep watching tv on the couch perfectly cuddled up to Rich. He must have fallen asleep too, for after what seemed like hours I had a nightmare that shook me to the bone. I was lying there on the couch with him, sleeping just as we were in reality when the door opened and a woman entered the room. I didn't think anything of it at first because I thought it was his mum. She stood at the side of the couch staring at us then started to come closer and closer. I got the strongest feeling that she didn't like us there. I tried to scream out for Rich to wake, trying to move and trying to yell but I couldn't. It was at that moment that the real Rich woke me up. I told him the dream and it freaked him out at the thought of some angry ghost person in his house. The night, despite the risk of his parents finding out we both slept in his room. (very high school). Part of me thinks it was because he knew how shaken I was from the dream another part of me thinks that he wanted me there to protect him. ha ha. How oddly nice that something like happened on my last night in England. The entire night was spent wrapped tightly in his arms being protected by the unseen monster.

The early morning brought with it added sadness. Fresh toast gobbled on the run as we made our way to the airport. Mrs Greatbatch cried a little as she hugged me goodbye. Lead in my boots- I didn't want to go either. The hour and a half that it took to reach Manchester had Mr Greatbatch, Rich and I driving through the most gorgeous countryside of Darbyshire. With the heather in new bloom the rolling green hills began to pepper with patches of brilliant purple. A picturesque goodbye postcard for my memory to cherish. The dad dropped us off at the airport so that we could have a little moment together before I had to board the plane. Bags checks, boarding pass in hand, all that's left is the goodbye. We sit on a bench for a little while talking about our favorite moments during the trip. He whispers sweet promises about our love and our future life together. A hug, a kiss and a little pervy joke to make me smile one more time before I leave. Leaving his embrace I can feel my soul rip in two. I don't want to leave. I want to stay in arms forever. Why must I leave? Life is unfair.

Current Location: Manchester Aiport

Current Mood: sad

Katie is happy:
I get approved for financial aid from school. For an instant I'm rich. I can finally get my little Saturn fixed. I join AAA, get it towed, toss the guys the keys and I'm feeling good. I take the liberty of buying myself a new outfit (something that I never do). Feelin good in my new summer dress. I started to consider what else I could buy with my new found spoils. Perhaps I'll have enough to buy my own wedding dress, perhaps I'll buy all the textbooks I'll need for Fall semester, perhaps I'll exchange it for British pounds and have my own spending money on my upcoming trip to Englandtown. My heart is full with the comfort that I can afford any bill that I need to pay. Yay for me.

Katie is apprehensive:
The auto shop sends me a fax of their estimate today and in seconds all of my expectations and hopes fall through the floor. They recommend replacing the engine at an estimated cost of $2000.

Katie is PISSED OFF:
Here I sit, mad at the world, confused, stomach in a knot, frustrated. No text books, no dress, only a few bills taken care of. Grrr to the world. Only a mix of Nirvana- In Utero and Bush- Machinehead and a little Beck feels right at this point.

Current Mood: pissed

It's hard to truly comprehend the amount of heartache I have had to endure over the past month. I went to visit my grandmother while she was in the hospital with pain. When things began to worsen for her I decided to stay with her. Never leaving her side but to shower at my nearby Aunt's house or go to the hospital cafeteria to eat. Ever tried sleeping in a chair sitting upright in a hospital room? Impossible. I stayed with her throughout scans and tests, from the ICU to her final moment in the Hospice House. My world is a bit grey, to say the very least. One night she woke from her sleep, wide awake she said "Oh, wow" and drew her last breath. I can only imagine what sight was before her at that moment. In the days following I spent every moment with my family: dad, aunt, uncle, cousins, extended cousins. It's a good healthy comfort that comes from the simple act of sitting at home surrounded by family. When everyone's heart is full of sadness the best medicine is to just be with the people you love. I miss her so much, I feel like it's been a long time since I so much as smiled.

Amongst all the sadness that I am trying to recover from, my sister announces that she's now engaged. A tad inappropriate timing if you ask me. Not only is the family still in mourning but its been what -a month since I got engaged? Is it really that necessary to steal attention? She's kept this dude hidden from our dad for ages perhaps it's because the guy's 35 and she's 20. The whole situation is not good; it makes me sick. I just can't stand her right now.

Current Mood: crappy

Dec- Richard, the boyfriend, having completed his flight training, leaves the US once and for all. I survive yet another stressful family feud filled holiday season.

Jan- I have one of the most memorable birthday parties to date. I was the first one to drop a drink. woo hoo for the party girl Katie. Friends are feuding for absolutely ridiculous reasons attempting to spreda more drama and BS.

Feb- Valentine's Day is spent like any other normal day first school, then work, then to bed. Nothin special.

Mar- I wish I had done something for St Paddy's Day, instead I went to school, then work, then bed. See a pattern here? My lease at the amazing apartment ends in April so I frantically searched for a roommate at a new apartment. Little by little I pack up my belongings in preparation for the move. I am soooo happy when I find a great little apartment for super cheap and with my old homegirl Sara Parlier. Everything works out.

Apr- I somehow make awesome grades in all of my Spring semester classes. Richard visits me for 2 weeks. We go to the theme parks, see the Blue Man Show, the Wantilan Luau dinner show, St Augustine for a weekend, many dinners with the family and afternoons spent at the pool. On the day of his departure he proposes, forever changing my life. I thought I loved him before, now it's developed into something so much larger than myself. A girl couldn't ask to be any happier. Wedding planning is in full swing: trying on dresses, venue tours, colors, flowers, dates, etc. I so full of those little nervous excited butterflies that I can hardly function. You thought I was a control freak before- just see how I handle wedding planning!

Future Goals:

taking a couple Summer classes, saving up my pennies to visit Richard in August for a few weeks, take the few classes needed to finish up my major, survive another HHN season at Universal, graduate in December 2009, get married in March and then fly off into the sunset with my English husband to live happily ever after.

Current Mood: ecstatic

10 February 2009 @ 07:51 pm

I have a full time job with Universal and will be interviewed soon for a lead position. I'm enrolled in a few classes this semester which means I am back on track to graduate in Dec. I have a fabulous apartment in a great area of town. For the first time in my life I can say that I have grown up friends each with their own homes, careers and marriages. I am paying off bills on time and have been able to start rebuilding a little savings. I have a well running vehicle. I am losing weight and working towards living a healthier life via daily vitamins and organic food. I do not smoke. I have an amazing man in my life that tells me every day that he loves me and wants to marry me. I am overwhelmed with the amount of positive things that are going in my life. 'tis strange. What does a super hero do after their powers have been taken away? I have been so lonely, sad and angry at the world for so long, I hardly know what to do with myself now that everything is going well. Is it strange to be so apprehensive? I'm so used to things going so horribly wrong that I find myself waiting for it all to suddenly blow up. Honestly, if I were to arrive home from work tonight to find my apartment building on fire I would not be shocked in the slightest. "Ah, I was waiting for that," I would say to myself as I sit down on the curb to watch the firemen run in and out of my place. I always hoped and prayed and wished for my life to finally sort itself out, for the day when I could sleep through worry-free nights. Now that my happily ever after is well on its way, I can't help but wonder what is around the bend.

Current Mood: amused

16 December 2008 @ 03:17 pm

Last Saturday Richard took me to breakfast. "It's this really great place that serves AMAZING food. I think you'll really like it," he said forgetting the actual name of it. I started to laugh uncontrollably as we pulled into the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel. I soon found myself sitting at a table with 4 British young men answering questions like What's a grit? and What are buttermilk biscuits? (they call cookies- biscuits, hence the confusion) Richard tried to amaze me with his brilliance at the triangle peg jump game. After the meal Richard challenged one of the boys at a game of checkers on the front porch and would not leave until we had looked at everything in the gift shop. "This place has a bunch of old people stuff" I said as I rolled my eyes. "No, it doesn't. Look, these are great!" he exclaimed as he picked up a toy. I drove the boys home trying to hide my smile as I listened to the music made from Richard's newly acquired Kazoo and his friend Elliott's new harmonica.

Saturday night Richard and I went to Cowboys. He likes the outside area a lot because it reminds him of the "beergardens" back home. Sarah and Cacee met us with a surprise visit from a hitchhiking Amadeus. It was Cacee's first time ever going and she was absolutely thrilled at everything. At the end of the night the girls and I were sitting on the blow up mattress in my living room and Richard and Amadeus were playing guitars on the back porch. I told them what Richard had told me earlier that day when I was getting a little sad over him leaving soon. He gave me a little hug and said "What's a few months away from eachother? The way I see it we have at least 60 years left between us to make up for it." Both girls cried.

Sunday Richard and I went to Seaworld. The weather was a bit downcast, but never actually rained and the wait time for anything was under 5 min. At Beer College I got to taste the new American Ale, which I don't particularly care for. I found the Winter Casket brew much more to my liking. I think there must have been a big change in the management at Seaworld over the years. I remember when I was younger the shows incorporated more educational facts about the animals: how the false killer whale got its name and the power of a male orca. Nowadays the shows involve zero education and 100% more fluff. They even have the trainers dancing and singing! It was silly. I was also rather taken aback by Seaworld's lack of respect to any other winter holiday but Christmas. Jewish? Muslim? To hell with you! You'll find NO "happy holidays" greeting from Seaworld. They're all about the Jesus. Richard took pictures of all the animals and fish with the greatest care and attention. Oh wow! and Look at that! I can't tell you how great it was to hear him laugh over all the ridiculous gags during the Clyde and Seamore sea lion show. The penguins were his favorite, but nothing was better than seeing the walrus suck his own penis as he floated around his tank.

We didn't go flying, but overall, I think a good time was had by all.

Current Mood: chipper