Treehouse of Horror II (original) (raw)

Treehouse of Horror II Written by Atrocious Al Jean & Morbid Mike Reiss also known as ``The Simpsons Halloween Special 2'' Jittery Jeff Martin Gasping George Meyer Slithering Sam Simon Spooky John Swartzwelder Directed by Jim Rondo Reardon

Title sequence: See scene summary

A word from your editor

They're baaaaaaack!

For reference, the three dreams will be called The Monkey's Paw', The Bart Zone', and `If I Only Had a Brain'. (Thanks to Ron Carter {rc} for suggesting the first two titles.)

And a spelling note: I belong to the old school of English orthography, so I spell Hallowe'en with an apostrophe. I have tried to resist the temptation to enforce this spelling rule on other people's text.

Didja notice...

The Monkey's Paw

... the guy walking behind the family was carrying a bag weighing what
    look like a good few hundred pounds over one shoulder? {dh}
... Homer was wearing a fez which still had the price tag attached?
... Marge exclaimed, ``Oh, my land!'' instead of ``Oh, my Lord'',
    in keeping with her opening disclaimer?
... there was money coming out of Marge's hair?
... the aliens were basically the same aliens from last year's
    Hallowe'en episode?
... the alien Kodos was wearing a ``King of the earth'' sash?
... The `F' on Flander's castle? {dh}  (Hey, at least it wasn't a
    ``Welcome to Flanders Country'' mat.)

The Bart Zone

... there are three apples and a dead rat on Ms. Krabappel's desk? {dh}
... sitting behind Bart is a student that has been turned into some
    animal, with a long (6 feet?) tail standing up, and looking something
    like a cross between a lion and a monkey. ``Thou shalt not piss off
    Bart.''  {bps}
... in Moe's tavern, Barney and the guys are drunkenly mumbling,
    ``Happy thoughts... Happy thoughts...''?
... there was a woman in Moe's Tavern?  She was the only one who didn't
    laugh at Bart's prank phone call. {dh}
... Mrs. Winfield was on the roller coaster? {dh}
... Bart was wearing Krusty pajamas?

If I Only Had a Brain

... how the images of Burns and Smithers changed as they walked
    behind various pieces of glassware in the lab?
... the robot has an N-shaped antenna on the side of its head?
    (cf. Homer's M-shaped tuft of hair.)  {bps}

Dave Hall {dh}: ... when Burns says, ``To the laboratory!'', he disappears for two frames (while the lightning flashes)? ... the `Watch Your Step' sign on the stairs leading into the lab? [Apparently, the lab was designed according to OSHA specs. --rjc] ... the skulls and brains in a shelf in Burn's laboratory? ... when Homer became a robot, a little oil was dripping down his steel cheek while he was sleeping at the console? (Just like old times :-) )

Rave reviews

I loved the self-referential complaints about Simpsons merchandising.

The Hallowe'en episodes are the best because they can do totally bizarre things. Not only can they ignore continuity, but they are no longer constrained by the laws of physics.

Ron Carter {rc}: Great episode! Favorite quote: Dammit, Smithers, this isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!

David Hyatt (dhyatt@leland.Stanford.EDU): I personally thought this was by far the best episode of the season -- the wildest, most creative, and with best handling of characters.

David Moery's favorite line: Look at me! I'm Davey Crockett!

John De Carlo's {jdc} favorites: Bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers!

A Warren Pratten {awp}: Oh good! The curtains are on fire! ``I just started laughing uncontrollably. I actually had to pause the VCR for about 5 minutes to recover.''

Shane P. Faulkner {spf}: The quick shot of Burns and Smithers chowing down on a pizza right after performing the brain surgery. Sheer comic Genius!!!

Movie (and other) References

~ Star Trek, ``The Conscience of the King'' - Kodos was the name of the bad guy in the episode. {rb2}

~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail - bashing somebody who's supposed to be dead {jk} RoboCop 2 - the brain surgery scene {bk} {evl}

Freeze Frame Fun

The credits

All in a ghoulish font, courtesy of Will Bell {wb}.

Created by              Malevolent Matt Groening
Developed by            James Hell Brooks
                        Mad Matt Groening
                        Sort Of Frightening Sam Simon
Co-Exec Producers       Awful Al Jean &
                        Mirthless Mike Reiss
Supervising Producers   Kreepy Jack Kogen
                        Weird Wally Wolodarsky
Producer                Ghastly George Meyer
Produced by             Ruthless Richard Sakai
                        Loathsome Larina Jean Adamson
                        Demonic David Silverman
Co-Producer             Vicious Jack Vitti
Co-Producer             Scary John Swartzwelder
Written by              Atrocious Al Jean & Morbid Mike Reiss
                        Jittery Jeff Martin
                        Gasping George Meyer
                        Slithering Sam Simon
                        Spooky John Swartzwelder
Directed by             Jim Rondo Reardon
---
Executive Producers     James Hell Brooks
                        Mad Matt Groening
                        Sort of Frightening Sam Simon
Starring                Diabolical Dan Castellaneta
                        Ghoulie Julie Kavner
                        Nefarious Nancy Cartwright
                        Yowling Yeardley Smith
                        Hellacious Hank Azaria
and                     Howlific Harry Shearer
Also Starring           Mummified Maggie Roswell
Special Guest Voice     Macabre Marcia Wallace
Executive Consultant    Bloody Bradley Bird
Exec Story Editor       Jittery Jeff Martin
Creative Consultant     David Bloody Knuckles Stern
Associate Producers     J. Maniacal Mendel
                        Butcher Joe Boucher
Theme by                Red-Wolf Elfman
Music by                Sheer Terror Clausen
Casting by              Bludgeoning Bonita Pietila
Editors                 Murderous Mark McJimsey
                        Deadly Don Barrozo
Anim Prod Manager       Killer Ken Tsumura
Post Prod Coords        Grave Jeff Goldstein
                        Colon Cramps Lewis
(etc)
Animation Exec Prod     Gabor the Ghost Csupo
Animation Producer      Shrieking Sherry Gunther
Overseas Anim Directors Mike the Maggot Girard
                        J. C. Park
Anim Prod Manager       Mean Maria Rodriguez
(etc)
Special Halloween
  Credits               Sonny "The Thing" King, Laser-Pacific
Exec in charge of
   Anim Production      Wretched Richard Raynis
Exec in charge of
   Prod for Gracie      Miserly Mike Schonbrun
Creative Supervisor     Sort of Frightening Sam Simon
Exec Creat Consultant   James Hell Brooks

The opening sequence, courtesy of Ron Carter {rc}

The tombstones

Bambi's Mom
Jim Morrison (with graffiti and two true believers)
    Someone had scribbled `(lives)' on Jim Morrison's tombstone.
    Jim Morrison fans have, in real life, been known to camp out at
    (actually it's near) his grave.  The Jim Morrison fans don't seem
    to mind the weather.  (I'm surprised the fire didn't go out.) {dh}
Cajun Cooking
Walt Disney (with mouse ear carving on headstone and frozen (!!!) tomb)
    The frozen tomb is a reference to the story that Walt's dead body
    is cryogenically preserved.
Lose Weight Now  Ask Me How

The trick or treaters in front of the house in the opening sequence are...

the gang from <It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown>! You can make out Pigpen (dirty sheet) and Charlie Brown (sheet full of eye holes). Really!

Returning from trick-or-treating

Observations by Dave Hall {dh}:

It's a nice effect, but I don't think Homer would normally watch the news with the lights turned off.

Whatever Homer was eating, it sure didn't look like candy.

The costumes:

Bart: A hooded executioner, complete with severed head (his candy bag) and axe. Lisa: An Indian totem pole so tall that Lisa has trouble fitting through the doorway. She also has trouble keeping her balance, it's so top-heavy. Maggie: Wearing a witch's hat and mask. she's sucking a pacifier through the mask. (Also falls down as they come home.) Marge: A white streak through her hair, as the Bride of Frankenstein.

The Monkey's Paw

Lisa's T-shirt: I Kissed the Balmoweloud

Ron Carter {rc} reports:

The spelling (my viewing) is questionable; I did a complete search on
Groliers (online edition, local access) with no joy on -any- Ba* word.

I would assume(?) that this is some Marrakesh stone(?) landmark making
this a reference to the I Kissed the Blarney Stone T-shirts people get
in Ireland.

Anybody been to Morocco?

At the airport, courtesy of Ron Carter {rc}

Homer is smuggling a camel bank, a pack of Camel cigs, a I (heart) Marrakesh mug, and a Honk if You're Moroccan bumper sticker.

When the Simpsons become famous, courtesy of Ron Carter {rc}

Krusty is at the restaurant with some blonde.
At the store it is a Simpsons Overstock 2 for 1 sale.

Simpsons marketing

$18 T-shirts.  (``What a ripoff!'')

``Simpsons Go Calypso!'' on CD and 8-track.
Note the flower in Marge's hair.
    [Homer:  Men smart!
     Marge:  The woman is smarter.]
Complains Otto, ``Man, this thing is really getting out of hand.''

Bart's image says, ``Get a mammogram, man!'' on a billboard.
Helen complains, ``Is there anything they won't do!''

The Peace Dividend

Soldiers toss guns into a furnace A policeman throws away his gun, but keeps his billy club and handcuffs. (Old habits are hard to break?) {dh} Moe tosses in a gun. Krusty throws away some brass knuckles and two ninja stars {rc} and a gun. {jdc}

Either the weapons were empty, or I would be rather surprised that they
didn't explode when people were tossing them into the foundry. {dh}

The Pentagon becomes Five Corners Mall

A child anagrams the sign `DANGER' into `GARDEN'.

People hold hands and sing, forming a giant peace sign across the American Midwest. Included in the crowd is a Jew holding hands with an Arab. {dh}

The stores in downtown Springfield, courtesy of Ron Carter {rc}

Candy Most Dandy
Rags For Less
The Horseradishery
Semi-Painless Dentistry

The Bart Zone

The school bus

Otto's headphones aren't connected to anything. {dh} [Maybe he just wants to block out the sounds of the screaming brats? --rjc]

When the bus passes the two cops:

The back of the school bus says something like `stop when red lights
flashing'.  {ajr}

The bus has no licence plates, and one of its lights is broken.
Note the kids on the bus.  {dh}

Bart's history test, courtesy of Steve VanDevender {sv}

Bart Simpson

(A+)

When was our country discovered?         _1942_
Who discovered our country?              _some_guy_
What do we call our country?             _bonerLand_
What was our country's first president?  __Eat___
When did the Civil war begin?            __My____
???                                      _SHORTS_

Props on the Krusty the Klown show

 a barrel of gunpowder

Dr. Marvin Monroe's door, courtesy of Ron Carter {rc}

Dr. Marvin Monroe  Child Psychologist
Member of the Bonerland Medical Association

If I Only Had a Brain

Reports Alan J. Rosenthal {ajr}:

There's a Grim Reaper standing over a grave in the graveyard, just after Burns and Smithers pass the tree on their way to Homer's grave. {discovered by eas, my co-worker}

There's (carefully) no evidence of the lack of Burns's head being sewn on to Homer after he wakes up, until he sees it in the mirror. This requires Homer to be oddly to the side of the TV screen in a way which is quite well done; after I saw it the first time, I was sure that we had seen that Burns's head wasn't on Homer when he was in bed.

Homer's stitches are gone when he goes to the bathroom, though Burns still has his. {msb}

Animation Goofs

The Monkey's Paw

The price tag on Homer's fez disappears for one scene. {dh}

The Bart Zone

Bart is sipping on a drink whose straw stopped short at the bottle's neck. (Also, the sipping is the wrong sound.) {dh}

If I Only Had a Brain

The items on the fireplace disappear and reappear when the fireplace rotated. {dh}

In the ``Next week on The Simpsons'' scene, Maggie is moved from one side of the table to the other. {msb} The close-up of Lisa and Maggie comes from `Homer Defined'. {dh}

Assorted observations and comments

Marge, the Bride of Frankenstein

The 17 October 1990 TV Guide listed Marge Simpson as one of the ten worst-dressed TV personalities. They said that Marge bore a resemblance to the Bride of Frankenstein. No doubt the writers bore this in mind when writing the 1991 Hallowe'en episode.

Johnny Carson's Karnak sketch

You can catch a glimpse of Johnny with his giant turban on the TV set when Marge comes in.

First, note that in Homer's dream the kids are up late watching The Tonight Show. We've already seen [8F05] that Lisa has trouble staying up until midnight. This could mean that Homer doesn't know much about his kids (since it was his dream), or the Simpsons live in the Central/Mountain time zone, where Carson is on at 10:30 instead of 11:30, or perhaps it was one of Johnny's prime-time anniversary shows.

As for what the question in the envelope was, here are some ideas...

Give three examples of bad news/gnus.           {rjc}
Name three AMA-approved substitutes for ipecac. {bdm}
Name three animals that really need to shave.   {cs}

Mike Berman {msb} notes that whenever Johnny makes a list, the question has to rhyme, so he proposes Name a spic, a chick, and something sick. {msb} Apologies if this offended anyone, but it have to rhyme.

Yes, I know that the writers probably didn't have any question in mind, but it's fun to play along.

Homer's nap

John De Carlo {jdc} notes:

Some nap. The sun is high in the sky when he goes to sleep (around noon?) and the moon is high in the sky when they come by (I don't know what time, but classically they wait until midnight to grave rob). I guess he was missing his sleep in the nuclear plant.

Quotes and scene summary

NOTE: The quotes aren't really all that funny when taken out of context, so you might want to be selective about which you include in your fortune cookie program. Marge comes out on stage and issues her disclaimer.

Ahem. Hello, everyone. Before last year's Hallowe'en show, I warned you not to let your children watch. But you did anyway. Mm. Well, this year's episode is even worse. It's scarier, more violent, and I think they snuck in some bad language, too. So please, tuck in your children and... [sighs] Well, if you didn't listen to me last time, you're not going to now. Enjoy the show. -- Marge's second disclaimer, ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Under the title, ``The Simpsons Halloween Special 2'', we take another pan over Springfield Cemetary. [End of title sequence. Time: 0:55] In the living room, Homer watches TV.

And to conclude this Hallowe'en newscast on a scary note... Remember, the Presidential primaries are only a few months away. [chuckles] -- Kent Brockman, ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Kerny and Dolph ring the bell. ``Trick or treat, man.'' They aren't costumed, but threaten to egg the house if Homer doesn't pay up. Homer hands them candy, but they egg the house anyway. Marge and the kids return from trick-or-treating. Bart is a hooded executioner, Maggie a witch, Lisa a totem pole (in honor of the noble native Americans of the Pacific Northwest), and Marge the Bride of Frankenstein (what else could she possibly be?). Marge tells the kids they can have one piece of candy before bed, but before she finishes her sentence, everybody (including Homer and Maggie) has begun gorging themselves on candy.

Marge: If you eat too much, you'll have nightmares. Bart: [mouth full of candy] [sarcasm] Oh yeah, everybody in the family is going to have bad nightmares tonight, ha! Lisa: [more sarcasm] Oh yeah, three bad nightmares. Homer: [yet more sarcasm] I'd like to see that! Heh heh heh! -- Little do they know... ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Lisa eats a candy bar in bed, then turns off the light. (Her bedcovers are still strewn with candy wrappers.) The place: Marrakesh, Morocco.

Homer: What a dump! Why would Princess Grace live in a place like this? Lisa: [annoyed] Dad, that's Monaco. -- A visit to Morocco, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

They watch a contortionist do his thing. (Says Bart, ``I can do that, but I don't want to.'') At a market, Homer inquires after a monkey's paw, which the vendor claims will grant wishes to its owner.

Vendor: Sir, I must strongly advise you: Do not purchase this. Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. I, myself, was once president of Algeria. Homer: Come on, pal, I don't want to hear your life story. Paw me! -- A visit to Morocco, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Marge is not pleased by Homer's purchase.

Marge: Ew, Homer, where did you get that ugly thing? Homer: Why, at that little shop right over... there? [all that's left is a gust of wind] [gasp!] Oh, no, wait, it was over there. [points at the shop] -- Sleight of hand, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Warns the vendor, ``You'll be sari!'' Boarding the plane, Homer is caught by customs. He is fined $2. At home, the paw sits on the coffee table. Bart wants to wish for X-Ray specs that really work. Lisa would rather wish for peace on earth. While they're arguing, Maggie grabs the paw and makes her wish. A limo pulls up outside, and Homer is pleased. (``Good baby!'') The driver brings Maggie a shiny new pacifier, then speeds off. (``D'oh!'') Bart decides he's waited long enough and wishes for the Simpsons to be rich and famous. (``Now, you're talking!'' agrees Homer.) Immediately, they are showered with money. Homer takes the family to the fanciest restaurant in town, the Gilded Truffle. The maitre d' shows them to their table...

Marge: Homer, maybe fame and fortune aren't as bad as they say. Woman 1: If I hear one more thing about the Simpsons, I swear, I'm going to scream. Woman 2: At first they were cute and funny, but now they are just annoying. -- Dame Fortune frowns, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

The sentiment is echoed around town as Our Favorite Family becomes heavily merchandised. In the living room...

Come to think of it, the guy that sold me this thing did say the wishes would bring grave misfortune. I thought he was just being colorful. -- Homer, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Lisa: [takes the paw] I wish for world peace. [the second finger on the paw closes] Homer: Lisa, that was very selfish of you! -- `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

At the U.N....

British ambassador: Eh, sorry about the Falklands, old boy. Argentine ambassador: Oh, forget it. We kind of knew they were yours. -- The peace dividend, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Weapons are destroyed the world over, etc. In space, two aliens laugh diabolically for quite a long time. They land in Springfield...

People of earth! We come to you in the spirit of hostility and menace! -- The green aliens, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Diamond Jim Quimby tries to reason with them, but is merely bonked on the head with a club. (The other alien wields a slingshot.)

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons! -- The green aliens, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Len: They're conking us with a club! Man: Wish we'd saved an A-bomb or two... -- Green aliens invade, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

The townsfolk blame it all on the Simpsons. Back in the living room, Homer decides to wish for something completely harmless.

I'll make a wish that can't backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it? [the monkey's paw closes its finger in understanding] [a turkey sandwich materializes] [Homer takes it] Hey! [digs in] Not bad. Nice, hot mustard. Good bread. The turkey's a little dry. [in realization] The turkey's a little dry! Oh, foe, the cursed teeth! [huh?] What demon from the depths of hell created thee! -- Homer deals with... `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Homer tosses the paw into the trash, where Ned inquires after it. Homer decides to let Ned have it, in both senses of the phrase.

Okily dokily! -- Ned Flanders, `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Ned sees Moe being chased by an alien. (``Kneel before my slingshot, puny earthling!'') So Ned wishes that the aliens would be gone. Moe chases the alien with a board with a nail in it. The aliens flee.

Alien 1: It seems the earthlings won. Alien 2: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all! [both aliens laugh evilly, for quite some time] -- `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

The townfolk carries Ned on their shoulders. He goes into his house, which transforms into a majestic castle, dwarfing the Simpsons' residence. Grumbles Homer, ``I wish had a monkey's paw...'' [End of Act One. Time: 8:40] Lisa wakes Bart and asks if she can sleep in his bed. She pays him with candy necklace, which Bart ingests in five seconds. (``Climb aboard.'') Bart drifts off to dream-land...

Presented for your consideration: Springfield. An average little town, with a not-so-average monster. [townsfolk wander around with nervous smiles, saying, Happy happy!'] The people of Springfield have to make sure they think happy thoughts and say happy things. Because this particular monster can read minds, and if displeased, can turn people into grotesque walking terrors. -- Welcome to... The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Jasper grumbles, ``Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Boy, I'm getting mighty sick of this.'' His body promptly turns into that of a dog.

And did I mention to you that the monster is a ten-year-old boy? [zoom in on Bart] Quite a twist, huh? Bet you didn't see that one coming. -- Welcome to... `The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Bart comes down to breakfast, where the family spit out their mouthfuls and force smiles all around. (Even Maggie smiles through her pacifier.) They're all sickeningly (and nervously) nice to Bart.

Bart: [sees Snowball 2] Every day, same old cat. I'll make it more interesting. [furrows his brow, turning the cat into a multi-colored fire-breathing whatever] Snowball: Meow. [fire breath singes the breakfast table. The cereal box is on fire] Bart: Ah, there. That's better. Marge: Much better. Oh, good! The curtains are on fire. Homer: [nervously] It's good that you made that.. awful thing, Bart. It's real good. [Marge hoses down the fire with the fire extinguisher] -- `The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

He gets it from your side of the family, you know. No monsters on side. -- Homer to Marge, on Bart's impish powers, `The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Bart gets on the school bus and decides he's going to drive it. The bus careens down the road with Bart at the wheel, as the kids on the bus scream in panic. Otto is on the floor manning the pedals. (``Quit riding the brake, Otto. Give it some gas, man!'') The bus whizzes past the two cops, who say, ``Hiya, Bart!'' At school, we see an overturned school bus `parked' in front. Inside...

Well, class the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. [groans from the class] America was now discovered in 1942 by ... [consults] Some Guy'. And our country isn't called America any more. It's Bonerland. -- Ms. Krabappel, The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Principal Skinner sings over the P.A. for Bart. Bart meanwhile sits in his throne, attended to by the twins. He calls for the phone.

Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt. All: [laugh] Barney: Ho ho, that's a good one. Moe: Wait a minute... [picks up the receiver] Bart: [hangs up and laughs] Ms.K: [holding the phone, forces a laugh] -- `The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Principal Skinner continues his singing and dancing. Notes Bart, ``I love school.'' At home, the transformed Snowball meows, singeing SLH who was lying nearby. Homer is watching the football game, and a field goal attempt is in progress. Bart wants to watch Krusty. When Homer refuses, Bart furrows his brow, and poof! Homer disappears.

The kick is up! It's looking good! The ball is turning into a fat bald guy! [Homer sails through the air (Aaaaaaaaagh!') and collides with the goal post. (Twanggggg!)] And it's no good! And you know what we say every time something strange happens! It's good that Bart did that! It's <very> good! -- Football announcer, The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

[laughs sickly] Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!!! [delirious] Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his! -- Krusty's marathon, `The Bart Zone' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Homer arrives home, his head bandaged. He grabs a chair and is about to bash Bart's head in, when he suddenly turns into a jack-in-the-box. Marge comes in, and Bart says, Lisa did it.'' Marge says, That's it! You're coming with me! ... [big smile] Please?'' Bart is taken to see Dr. Marvin Monroe, who suggests that Bart just needs to get more attention from his father. So Homer (still a jack-in-the-box) takes Bart to the ballgame, goes fishing with him, watches him shoot a BB gun, and takes him on a roller coaster ride. Homer then tries to tuck Bart in (though it's hard since he's still a jack-in-the-box). Bart appreciates the past few days and wishes there were some way he could repay Homer. Homer asks for his body back, and Bart returns it. ``I love you, Dad.'' Homer responds, ``I love you, son.'' Bart wakes from his nightmare, screaming. [End of Act Two. Time: 14:51] Bart and Lisa rush into Homer and Marge's bed...

Marge: Goodness, what's wrong? Bart: We both had nightmares. Lisa: Can we sleep with you? Homer: You both toilet trained? Bart and Lisa: [indignantly] Yes! -- ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Homer sees that it's 4am and realizes he's going to have to go to work in a few hours. He nods off... Burns and Smithers review the security monitors and see Homer sleeping on the job, and the other workers being equally nonproductive. Smithers suggests they fire one of them, and Burns selects Homer.

Smithers: [over P.A.] Attention Homer Simpson. Attention Homer Simpson. Homer: [still dozing at his post] Smithers: Wake up, Homer. Homer: [startles awake] Smithers: You're fired. Homer: For what? Smithers: For sleeping on the job. Homer: How'd you know I was sleeping? Smithers: We've been watching you on the surveillance camera. Homer: Camera? [spots the camera] D'oh! -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Burns and Smithers pull an oil lamp, and they vanish behind the fireplace in Burns' office into a dungeon laboratory. Burns has come to the conclusion that the problem with the common worker is that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. His solution: to replace the flesh with steel.

Behold! The greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails! [unveils his Frankenstein monster] -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Smithers asks how long before it's ready (``Keep your pants on, Smithers''), and Burns says they first need a human brain.

Lisa: [reading the classifieds] Hey, here's a good job, Dad! Oh, wait, you have to know how to operate an ultrasonic lithotriptor. Homer: How hard can it be? Bart: Hey Dad, here's one! $28/hr, plenty of fresh air, and you get to meet lots of interesting people. Homer: Ooh, what job is that? Bart: Grave digger. [laughs evilly] -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Homer is digging a grave, being supervised by Groundskeeper Willie. When Willie leaves, Homer takes a nap in the grave. That evening, Smithers and Burns pay a visit to the cemetery in search of a brain. They find an open grave (Homer) and cart him away.

Smithers, get him out quickly. The stench is overpowering. -- Burns finds Homer's dead'' body, `If I Only Had a Brain' in Treehouse of Horror II''

Smithers: That's Homer Simpson. He wasn't exactly a model employee. Burns: Well, who a model [sees Smithers sans skull, just brain] employee.... Smithers: [panicking] Uh, Simpson will do just fine, sir. -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

As they drag Homer away in a bag, he wakes up and struggles.

Smithers: You hear that, sir? Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The Booooger Man? -- Me and my shadow, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir. I think he's alive. Burns: Oh. [walks over to it, and thwacks it with a shovel] Bad corpse. [thwack] Bad corpse. [thwack] Stop [thwack] scaring [thwack] Smithers! [thwack] -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

In the lab...

Burns: [saws off the top of Homer's head. No blood, very clean. The top of Homer's head rolls away.] Smithers, hand me that ice-cream scoop. Smithers: Ice-cream scoop?! Burns: Dammit, Smithers, this isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery! -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

He plucks out Homer's brain and puts it atop his own head. (``Look at me! I'm Davey Crockett!'') They install the brain in the robot, then eat some pepperoni pizza, then power it up (with your standard horror movie Big Switch, accompanied by lightning and sparks).

It's alive! Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad. Well, who's mad now! [laughs diabolically] -- Mad Scientist Burns, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

``Hi there. I'm your daddy.'' The robot looks around and spots a box of donuts with its X-Ray vision. (Accompanied by the now-familiar servo sounds.) It crashes through walls to get to it. (``Mm.. Sprinkles.'')

Johnny Carson: [as Karnak] Geraldo Rivera, Madonna, and a diseased yak. Ed McMahon: Ho ho ho ho. -- Watching TV, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Lisa: Mom, what's wrong? Marge: It's your father. He's missing. Bart: Dad's missing? Get outta here. Marge: He's been gone for two days. Lisa: Whaddya know. She's right. -- Familial concern, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Burns, in tears, cries, ``It wasn't supposed to be this way...'' as he sees the robot asleep at the console, just like Homer was.

I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet. -- Mad Scientist Burns, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

But Smithers prevails on Burns to return the brain. Burns sews Homer's head shut, as Homer mutters, ``Ow. Ow.''

Smithers: You know what this means? He alive! Burns: Oh, you're right, Smithers. I guess I owe you a Coke. -- `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

And as for you, you clinking, clattering cacophany of colligenous cog and camshifts, take that! [feebly kicks it] -- Mad Scientist Burns, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

The robot falls on Burns, trapping him.

Every bone ... shattered, organs ... leaking vital fluids ... a slight headache ... loss of appetite. Smithers, I'm going to die. -- Mad Scientist Burns, `If I Only Had a Brain' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

He asks Smithers to go up to his office and fetch surgical tools, and some ether...

Homer: [wakes up and screams] Marge: Did you have a nightmare, Homey? Homer: No, Bart bit me. Bart: Hey, man, you were crushing me. I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of flab. -- ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Homer goes to the bathroom and looks in the mirror, when what does he see but Burns' head sewn onto his right shoulder.

Burns: Perhaps you're wondering why you have two heads. Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto your, shall we say, ample frame. Homer: [trying to stay calm] I can wake up. It's all a dream. It's just a dream. Burns: Oh, that's right. It's all a dream... Or is it? [laughs diabolically] [Executive Producer credit appears] Announcer: Next week, on `The Simpsons'... [the breakfast table] Lisa: [puts down the newspaper] Don't forget, Dad, tonight my class is having an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner. Homer: Mmm... Spaghetti. Burns: [his head attached to Homer's shoulder] But Homer, tonight's our reception for Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands! Homer: Oh, I hate having two heads. -- ``Treehouse of Horror II''

[End of Act Three. Time: 21:38] Closing theme is with harpsichord and eerie electronic slide thing. The Gracie Films theme is played on a pipe organ. (In harmonic minor.) The Twentieth Century Fox fanfare is unchanged. For this episode, timings include the opening title sequence. (I normally don't include it.) Episode summaries Copyright 1991 by Raymond Chen. Not to be redistributed in a public forum without permission. (The quotes themselves, of course, remain the property of The Simpsons, and the reproduced articles remain the property of the original authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) 

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