The Gonads (original) (raw)
Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!
Our shop page is now closed. For merch enquiries email waistrel@the-gonads.co.uk
Nov 6. It’s official! We will play Rebellion next August. Miss Management tells us, “The Gonads stop touring in December, but we will always be up for special events. Rebellion is England’s premiere punk festival. It is an absolute honour for us to be invited back.” She went on, “We may have stopped playing pubs and acoustic shows but in us and through us, the Gonads live.” Rebellion Festival is our only confirmed gig for 2025 – officially our 48th year of failure. It will be our sixth appearance at the fest. Our last ever London show is at the Dublin Castle on the 6th of next month.
The mystery behind the big news is how the band convinced Gal Gonad to commit to Blackpool. An anonymous source tells us, “Gal has made it quite clear that he wants to prioritise the Garry Bushell Experience/SkaNads project in 2025. He has written or co-written ten new songs with a strong Ska bias and is working with a different team of musicians. GBX is not the Gonads under another name.” Word is Sir Gonad’s conditions for returning to the northwest include a suite at the Britannia hotel, several gallons of Vinho do Fava, 24-hour hen party access, two menopausal ‘PAs’, a personal curry chef to be flown in from the Punjab, and a top-secret collaboration with the people’s tenor Alfie Bass. The mystery insider (Effete El) adds, “His costs will eat up all of the band’s fee, our beer float, the merch take, and all the royalties and residuals from the Dirty Metal Gonads 2 ep. Wattsie is not happy and has launched a ‘Stay Pathetique’ campaign to fight back, using the slogan MOGGA – Make Our Gonads Great Again.” What could possibly go wrong?
Nov 5. The Gonads would like to officially deny claims that JC is a serial photo-bomber. Not only is this slur appalling, it’s also ridiculous, absurd and downright slanderous. PS. There is absolutely no truth that James infiltrated this Kenneth Williams photo-session using the stage name Teddy Tingle, or in the cruel and unnecessary suggestion that he is the secret love child of Private Pike and Charles Hawtrey. His former mother-in-law Wattsie Watts tells us, “Teddy Tingle was a well-known 60s and 70s character actor and star of stage and screen. He was known for his appearances in British comedy films such as Whoops, Where’s Me Loofah?, Cripes – Don’t Tell Carrie, and No Nurse, I Said Prick My Boil before moving into risqué sex comedies like Two Nuns, One Bass-Player, You Look Better In The Dark and the award-winning Gills, Lills, Pills, Thrills & Dildoes. Any suggestions that he is fictitious are fake news and deeply unpleasant.”
In other news, John King is considering doing a BME/PRCC meet next month, but bookies suggest the chances of it happening are about 15-1… Human Punk have got three tasty December shows in the pipeline though – Sham at the 299, The Skids/Spear Of Destiny at Dingwalls and Ruts DC at the 229. You can look up the dates yourself, we ain’t Google… and finally the Jolly Pranksters’ Bonfire Night event will take place at that Kent place tonight. Members only. Bring your own bangers.
Nov 3. Here are some pretty pics from last night’s gig at the B2, Brickmakers in Norwich. We had a ball! Great vibe, good people, and a surprise appearance from original 1977 Gonads keyboardist and percussionist Mark ‘Glad all over’ Gladding. Two more gigs to go, people! Use us before you lose us!
