Friends Episode 5.03 (original) (raw)
The gang arrives at the hospital for Phoebe's labor. Joey makes a video documentary of the occasion, until he is beset with pain; what is thought to be sympathy pains turns out to be kidney stones. Phoebe's doctor is obsessed with Fonzie, but Ross's attempts to find a more satisfactory doctor only yield a very young looking resident whom Phoebe won't accept. Rachel tries to set Monica and herself up with two male nurses, which causes problems between Monica and Chandler. Joey can make everything (even grandma's chicken salad) sound dirty. Phoebe wants to keep one of the babies and manipulates Rachel into asking for her. Instead of two boys and a girl, Phoebe has two girls and a boy. Joey passes three kidney stones.
The one where they said....
Nurse: And now, which of you is the father?
Phoebe: Um, no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Nurse: Okay...
Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!
Joey: Oh, something hurts!
Phoebe: Oo, it's sympathy pains. Oh, that's so sweet!
Joey: Yeah? I didn't know I cared that much.
Rachel: Monica? You're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Frank: What's with him?
Phoebe: Um,, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Phoebe: Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown-up doctor.
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to...
Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm going to be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!
Frank Jr: Oh cool! You made him cry!
Frank Jr: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon. You couldn't just, like, do me a favor and, like... like, hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Chandler: So, uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.