ET II � EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT (original) (raw)

ET II � EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT

Steven Spielberg has long denied any desire to direct a sequel to his 1982 hit, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. However, rumblings within the Hollywood machine have revealed that plans for a sequel to the heart-warming alien movie are in motion. With the bug-eyed brownie already appearing in a series of British Telecom commercials, and set to feature in a number of all-new video games, the stage is set for the return of one of movie history�s most enduring characters. Best of all is that Bubblegun has managed to get its hands on a copy of the second draft of E.T. II: Return To Earth, and we present for you here an exclusive extract�

INT. ELLIOT�S BEDROOM. NIGHT

Elliot, now a grown man, sleeps fitfully in a single bed. He hears a sound, and sits bolt upright to be confronted by his mother.

ELLIOT
Mom! I heard a noise. I thought it might be�

MOM
You thought it might be ET. I know honey, I know. But ET is never coming back.

ELLIOT
(sobbing)
But why did he have to go away?

MOM
Honey�

ELLIOT
Mom?

MOM
You�re 32 years of age. Why are you still living at home with me?

ELLIOT
Do you want me to leave?

MOM
Well� yes. I want to use your bedroom to store shoes in. I�m thinking of opening a mail order shoe shop, over the Internet. I�m going to call it Super Shoes.

ELLIOT
Why haven�t you ever told me about this before?

MOM
I have. I keep telling you, but you don�t listen. You just talk about ET all the time. And when you�re not talking about ET, you�re talking like him, and walking around on your knees pretending to be him.

ELLIOT
I know, mum. But ET was so funny! He talked funny, and he walked funny, and I loved him so much, mom.

MOM
But ET�s dead, honey.

ELLIOT
Dead?

MOM
Well, er� I mean, gone back to his home planet.

ELLIOT
You said he was dead.

MOM
No I didn�t.

ELLIOT
Yes you did. Are you hiding something from me?

MOM
No! No I�m not! And for the record you must never look in the large cardboard box that I keep in the shed! Never, do you hear me? Never! Now� goodnight!

ELLIOT
Hmm�

INT. ELLIOT�S MOM�S SHED. DAY

Elliot enters the shed. It�s cluttered with tools and storage boxes. Elliot moves some of the boxes to one side, and there, at the back of the shed is a very big box. Elliot takes a deep breath, and opens the box. Elliot gasps.

ELLIOT
Dad! Dad?

ELLIOT�S DAD
(getting out of the box)
Hello, son.

ELLIOT
How long have you been in there?

ELLIOT�S DAD
Since about, ooh, 1979.

ELLIOT
I don�t understand. Why were you in there?

ELLIOT�S DAD
I don�t really know. I think it had something to do with�your mother. We had an argument at a restaurant� about the scallops, I think. And then she bet that I couldn�t live in a box in the garden for twenty years.

ELLIOT
But dad, it�s the year 2000 now. You�ve been in the box for twenty one years.

ELLIOT�S DAD
Then it�s about time I got out!

INT. ELLIOT�S KITCHEN. DAY

Elliot runs into the kitchen, squealing with excitement.

ELLIOT
Mom! Mom! I just found dad in that box, and he�s OK! He�s just doing a poo in the bushes. Mom? Mom, what are you doing?

Elliot�s mother is kicking ET�s corpse around the kitchen floor.

MOM
Oh. Err�

ELLIOT
Is that� ET?

MOM
No.

ELLIOT
Yes it is.

MOM
Well, yes. It is. But he�s dead. Really dead.

ELLIOT
But I don�t understand.

MOM
I�ve got a revelation to make. You see, a couple of years ago ET came back to see you. Unfortunately, I mistook him for a werewolf, and shot him dead. I�ve been keeping him in the cupboard under the sink ever since.

ELLIOT
But� why?

MOM
Well, you know� He makes a surprisingly effective mop. How did you think I managed to keep my floor so clean?

ELLIOT
I don�t know. The last time I asked you just laughed and said �I use my pussy�.

MOM
Did I?

ELLIOT
Yes. I think you were quite drunk at the time.

Elliot�s Mom laughs, nervously.

MOM
So, what are you going to do now?

ELLIOT
I�m going to play with my best friend � ET, the alien!

MOM
But he�s dead, he�s�

Elliot is hugging ET�s corpse.

ELLIOT
Oh, ET. I love you so much.

MOM
Elliot, put that thing down. It�s all decayed and disgusting.

Elliot starts dancing with ET�s corpse.

ELLIOT
Ha ha ha! This is so much fun! Wheee! Wheeee!

Elliot and ET spin around and around and around. And then ET�s head falls off.

MOM
Jesus Christ, Elliot! Stop it!

ELLIOT
(picking up the head)
Oh, ET. Stop messing about!