ET II � EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT (original) (raw)
ET II � EXCLUSIVE SCRIPT EXTRACT
Steven Spielberg has long denied any desire to direct a sequel to his 1982 hit, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. However, rumblings within the Hollywood machine have revealed that plans for a sequel to the heart-warming alien movie are in motion. With the bug-eyed brownie already appearing in a series of British Telecom commercials, and set to feature in a number of all-new video games, the stage is set for the return of one of movie history�s most enduring characters. Best of all is that Bubblegun has managed to get its hands on a copy of the second draft of E.T. II: Return To Earth, and we present for you here an exclusive extract�
INT. ELLIOT�S BEDROOM. NIGHT
Elliot, now a grown man, sleeps fitfully in a single bed. He hears a sound, and sits bolt upright to be confronted by his mother.
ELLIOT
Mom! I heard a noise. I thought it might be�MOM
You thought it might be ET. I know honey, I know. But ET is never coming back.ELLIOT
(sobbing)
But why did he have to go away?MOM
Honey�ELLIOT
Mom?MOM
You�re 32 years of age. Why are you still living at home with me?ELLIOT
Do you want me to leave?MOM
Well� yes. I want to use your bedroom to store shoes in. I�m thinking of opening a mail order shoe shop, over the Internet. I�m going to call it Super Shoes.ELLIOT
Why haven�t you ever told me about this before?MOM
I have. I keep telling you, but you don�t listen. You just talk about ET all the time. And when you�re not talking about ET, you�re talking like him, and walking around on your knees pretending to be him.ELLIOT
I know, mum. But ET was so funny! He talked funny, and he walked funny, and I loved him so much, mom.MOM
But ET�s dead, honey.ELLIOT
Dead?MOM
Well, er� I mean, gone back to his home planet.ELLIOT
You said he was dead.MOM
No I didn�t.ELLIOT
Yes you did. Are you hiding something from me?MOM
No! No I�m not! And for the record you must never look in the large cardboard box that I keep in the shed! Never, do you hear me? Never! Now� goodnight!ELLIOT
Hmm�
INT. ELLIOT�S MOM�S SHED. DAY
Elliot enters the shed. It�s cluttered with tools and storage boxes. Elliot moves some of the boxes to one side, and there, at the back of the shed is a very big box. Elliot takes a deep breath, and opens the box. Elliot gasps.
ELLIOT
Dad! Dad?ELLIOT�S DAD
(getting out of the box)
Hello, son.ELLIOT
How long have you been in there?ELLIOT�S DAD
Since about, ooh, 1979.ELLIOT
I don�t understand. Why were you in there?ELLIOT�S DAD
I don�t really know. I think it had something to do with�your mother. We had an argument at a restaurant� about the scallops, I think. And then she bet that I couldn�t live in a box in the garden for twenty years.ELLIOT
But dad, it�s the year 2000 now. You�ve been in the box for twenty one years.ELLIOT�S DAD
Then it�s about time I got out!
INT. ELLIOT�S KITCHEN. DAY
Elliot runs into the kitchen, squealing with excitement.
ELLIOT
Mom! Mom! I just found dad in that box, and he�s OK! He�s just doing a poo in the bushes. Mom? Mom, what are you doing?
Elliot�s mother is kicking ET�s corpse around the kitchen floor.
MOM
Oh. Err�ELLIOT
Is that� ET?MOM
No.ELLIOT
Yes it is.MOM
Well, yes. It is. But he�s dead. Really dead.ELLIOT
But I don�t understand.MOM
I�ve got a revelation to make. You see, a couple of years ago ET came back to see you. Unfortunately, I mistook him for a werewolf, and shot him dead. I�ve been keeping him in the cupboard under the sink ever since.ELLIOT
But� why?MOM
Well, you know� He makes a surprisingly effective mop. How did you think I managed to keep my floor so clean?ELLIOT
I don�t know. The last time I asked you just laughed and said �I use my pussy�.MOM
Did I?ELLIOT
Yes. I think you were quite drunk at the time.
Elliot�s Mom laughs, nervously.
MOM
So, what are you going to do now?
ELLIOT
I�m going to play with my best friend � ET, the alien!
MOM
But he�s dead, he�s�
Elliot is hugging ET�s corpse.
ELLIOT
Oh, ET. I love you so much.
MOM
Elliot, put that thing down. It�s all decayed and disgusting.
Elliot starts dancing with ET�s corpse.
ELLIOT
Ha ha ha! This is so much fun! Wheee! Wheeee!
Elliot and ET spin around and around and around. And then ET�s head falls off.
MOM
Jesus Christ, Elliot! Stop it!ELLIOT
(picking up the head)
Oh, ET. Stop messing about!