Good ol� boy expressions. (original) (raw)

A few years ago, I made a talk to a group in Fort Worth. When I finished, an obviously educated lady of some means chastised me for repeating a series of good ol� boy expressions used in East Texas.

�Don�t you think,� she began, �that using those expressions destroys the integrity of the English language?�

She may have a point, but the last time I looked, there wasn�t an organized movement by East Texans to bring political correctness to the way they talk. Instead, the good ol� boy expressions and idioms for which we are famous seem to be proliferating and keeping pace with today�s times.

The other day, for example, I heard a business owner describe a stern and uncompromising manager this way: �He�ll stare down a computer.� In my days, it went this way: �He�ll stare down a mule.�

While most of our sayings are being updated every day, most of them are the products of rural folks who were forced to rely on their country experiences to emphasize a point in conversations.

Consider these examples:

• �She has as much use for that as a hog needs pockets.�
• �I had a piece of pie as big as the baby�s high chair.�
• �He�s smiling like a mule eating briars.� A lot of word-stingy editors I�ve known will never accept this theory, but there are a lot of expressions which make more sense than single words. Such as:
• Angry: �He�s hotter than a pot of collards.
• Big: �She�s a well-watered woman.�
• Foolish: �He buys crutches for lame ducks.�
• Amazement: �Great gobs of galloping goose grease.�
  Ugly is described by East Texans in more ways that I can count. Here are some samples:
• She�s so ugly she could snag lightning.
• He has a head like a stomped �possum.
• He looks like the dogs have kept him under the house.
• Never marry an ugly girl; she�s hard to get shed of.
  Bob Bowman's East Texas

November 21, 2010 Column, Modified 5-28-12
A weekly column syndicated in 109 East Texas newspapers