Writers amazing in their descriptions. (original) (raw)

Being impatient with and bored at most of the media and musical entertainment presented today, I do a lot of reading of all genres. The publications and writers continually amaze me with their varied descriptions and choice of words. Here are a few of note.

• "The two deceased ladies were so prominent in their communities one expected flower girls to spread petals at their funerals."
• "The meat served at the rewards banquet last week was so tough you couldn't cut the gravy."
• "Saturdays were 'egg and daughter days' in many rural communities when the week's supply of fresh eggs was brought to town to sell and the daughters to parade, hoping they'll find suitors."
• "New teachers were always welcomed at the country schools. More because they were more prospective wives than schoolteachers."
• "Once, during especially hard times, a rancher told a longtime cowboy employee he was going to have to let him go because he had no money to pay him. The man answered back, 'If you will half-sole my boots, buy me a new pair of Levis each year and keep me supplied with Bull Durham tobacco no pay is needed.' He outlasted the hard times, finally drew his full back pay and died at the same job years later."
• Another man remembered his elderly grandfather in his last years. "He sat on the front porch each day and was only able to swat flies. His faithful companion was a Rhode Island red rooster who sat nearby and pecked up all the dead flies. The old man finally passed away, but the rooster returned each day for weeks before finally giving up on his old friend."
• A recipe for cooking a stringy jackrabbit during hard times says, "Kill rabbit, skin it and nail carcass to a pine board. Cook him until well done, throw away the rabbit and eat the board."
• "An adult: a person that has stopped growing at each end and started growing in the middle."
• "Don't get mad at someone who knows more than you do. It isn't their fault."
• "Always tell the truth unless your wife asked if the dress she is wearing makes her look fat."
• A farmer once remarked, "The only way we could keep our sons in college was threaten to leave the farm to the first one that quit."
• "There are two impossible feats: dribbling a football and baptizing a cat."
• "Gossip on the loose can travel at the speed of light. Rumors can climb over backyard fences, skip from street to street, romp down the aisles at Walmart, tumble through the laundry mat and cartwheel through the city parks. If the tale is juicy enough it can streak down the telephone lines, sprint past city limits, jump across rivers, gallop across counties and even sneak across state lines overnight. A whisper, barely heard, can become a bold black headline in tomorrow's paper."
• And last: "Never miss a chance to shut up, so goodbye for this week."
  �
  Delbert Trew - July 26, 2011 column
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  Delbert Trew is a freelance writer and retired rancher. He can be reached at 806-779-3164, by mail at Box A, Alanreed, TX 79002, or by email at trewblue@centra media.net. For books see delberttrew.com. His column appears weekly.
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