Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal Humor Columns. (original) (raw)

Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal Humor / OpinionColumn **"The Girl Detective's Theory of Everything"**by Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal
Columns Bi-weekly Sabotage12-18-09 By the time you read this the wedding we have been planning and working toward for the last nine months will be all over. The bride is doing fine as I write this two days before the ceremony... MOB vs. MOG 9-24-09Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don�t 9-4-09I was fascinated and horrified by an article written by Amy McGuire in "Advance for Nurses" regarding the bizarre case of two Texas nurses, Vickie Galle, RN and Anne Mitchell, RN... Drivin� Me Crazy 8-26-09Wedding Nightmare 8-3-09Is It Morning Yet? 7-3-09Moving Day Madness 6-23-08A Certain Age 4-25-09Juicy TomaToes 4-11-09Wedding Belles 3-27-09Whoa, Nellie! 3-13-09My Funny Valentine 2-7-09Presidents and Poets 1-25-09No Place for Sissies 1-9-2009Babylon Blvd. 12-8-08Generic Chic 11-1-08Impeccable Timing 10-22-08Pickle Intervention 10-1-08Bag Lady 9-13-08La Llorona 8-31-08Ten Gazillion Dollars! 7-3-08Happy Trails 5-9-08Crazy Head 4-24-08Packrat3-6-08Whacha Gonna Do With All That Junk? 2-14-08Giiiii-Cher Popcorn 1-28-08Money Can�t Buy Me Love 12-16-07Lunching12-1-07Elective11-5-07 Thursday. Blech. 10-5-07Oh, Honey! 9-15-07Home, Home In My Range 9-3-07The Heat Is On! 8-15-07The Dreaded Friendship Bread 8-2-07A Blessed Event 7-14-07Why We Will Never Be Rich 6-30-07For Sale 6-15-07Career Alternatives 6-1-07Big Babies 5-11-07Delicious Crow 5-1-0712,000 Nights 4-16-07Spring3-28-07Take It Where You Can Get It 2-16-07Differently Cognizant 2-1-07Subtext1-22-0720071-1-07What Next? 12-16-06Baffle 'Em With Grannyspeak! 12-1-06Hey Good Lookin�! Whatcha Got Cookin�? 11-23-06Shootin� Marbles With Mama�s Glass Eye 11-17-06Peek-A-Boo!11-1-06Blame it on the Boogie 10-15-06Dire Circumstances 10-1-06Faith Triumphant 9-11-06No, Seriously? I Was Kidding. 9-1-06The Truth About Love 8-15-06Found Time 8-1-06An Apology 7-15-06 Morning Glory 7-1-06Poor Fatherless Child 6-15-06The New Thirty 6-1-06Home Again, Home Again 5-17-06Vacation Preparation 5-2-06One or Two Things I Have Learned 4-17-06I'll Fly Away 4-1-06 Here's a story. It's a true one, every bit of it, and I think a nice one despite the details, which are not entirely nice.Gory Days 3-24-06 "...That was the day that I found out the whole wide world wasn't filled with best friends of mine..."On the Cusp 3-9-06 "Okay, there is something seriously wrong in the Universe and I am not above whining about it..." Lightening the Burden 2-16-06Interview2-1-06 Bug Huntin� 1-15-06True to Breed 1-2-06Right Brain Left Brain 12-15-05The Time is Now 12-1-05 I am usually fairly busy and my time is often squeezed into a schedule tighter than one of Madonna�s bustiers... How Do I Love Thee? 11-15-05I Hate My Boss 11-2-05 Too Thrilling 10-15-05 "I have never left my family at home and gone off on a trip with a kindred spirit..."Cellfish10-1-05 "Not only have cell phones pretty thoroughly destroyed my fantasy life but I am no longer able to tell who is insane." Be Prepared! 9-14-05 Finger Lickin� Good 9-1-05 "It must be awfully hard to be the youngest child..."Nesting8-15-05 "...Friends, something truly wonderful has happened to me and I want to share it for those of you who are one or two steps behind me on the life experience ladder...." The Pause That Regresses 8-1-05 "Male menopause, or andropause." Tornado Season 7-15-05Dear Son 7-1-05Lessons From My Sons 6-15-05 Mominator6-1-05 "I would like to tell you about going to the gym with my boys..."Paaaar-Teeee!5-14-05 Boy Sleep Overs, or The End of Civilization As We Know ItLove You, Ociffer! 5-1-05 "If I were the Boss of Everything..."Granny Pants 4-17-05 "I have become the nightmare of my teenage years..." Men I Wanted to Marry 4-5-05"Broken Heart" Syndrome 3-28-05 "The...folks at the famous Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine announced their findings on stress induced cardiomyopathy, which they have dubbed "Broken Heart" Syndrome..." Home Improvement 3-14-05 "It is the strong marriage that survives each spring without a tremor or two." Butter Manners 3-1-05The women in our family can be as sweet and mild as milk through all kinds of adversity. But everyone has their breaking point...Big Business 2-16-05 "Sara Lee owns Hanes. Got it? Hanes, manufacturer of stretchy clothing of all types for all ages, sizes and genders. T-shirts. Elastic waisted knit shorts. Briefs. Huge, forgiving white underpants. Jammies..." Tow Trucks and Snugglers and Snuff, Oh My! 2-1-05 Running home to Oklahoma City to Mama and Papa, with a car full of babies and roadmaps and stuffed animals and regrets and hopes and �Nilla Wafers_..._ A Home of My Own 1-16-05New Year�s Resolutions 1-1-05Love is in the Hair 12-15-04Sow�s Ear 12-1-04 "Bad news. Real bad news. I�ve got to have an Outfit..." In the Zone 11-15-04 "The world is becoming a bigger and more impersonal place..." Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-legged Beasties 10-18-04New Shoes 10-16-04 "... You were not defined by your Easter shoes the way you were by your school shoes...." Hit Me With Your Best Shot 10-6-04 Forty-two is a bad, bad age. There�s One Born Every Minute 9-16-04Move Over Ansel Adams! 9-8-04Dog Days 8-30-04� Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal Column begins August, 2004 Bio I was raised in a medium sized town in southwestern New Mexico by parents who taught me that the Universe is a complicated and moderately ridiculous place. They also taught me that, "if you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own," and that, "a little dirt never hurt anyone." Words of wisdom, and I have done my best to remember them. After high school I planned to move to New York and become a world famous novelist. In pursuit of this goal, I dropped out of the University of New Mexico, got married and began having children just as hard and fast as I could. Later I came to realize that this might not have been the wisest career move. But it was certainly a learning experience. In an effort to get out of going to my tenth high school reunion I got divorced and the kids and I started fresh. I continued to write throughout those years. However, because the children insisted on having multiple meals a day and were required to wear shoes to school, I decided on nursing as a good way to supplement our income until the millions began to roll in. Fourteen years later I am happily married to a very nice man, my children are bigger and smarter and funnier and better looking than I had any right to expect, and I am still writing. Just as hard and fast as I can. And, since they have not yet changed the rule about wearing shoes in schools and other public places, I also work as a registered nurse in a level one trauma ICU here in Oklahoma City. Elizabeth Bussey Sowdal August, 2004

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