Male Survivors of Abuse (original) (raw)
Tue, Mar. 23rd, 2021, 09:40 pm
ashbowie: What We Are / What We Were
I recently found myself back here after a long hiatus. It was frozen in time: 2013. That made me sad. This has always been an important forum for us to use our voices, some for the first time, in a show of solidarity against our abusers who would see us silenced.
This is not a political post, but I need to share my experience of the past four years. When Trump (herein referred to as "the former guy") was elected, in my eyes he became a living, breathing version of Andy, the man who molested me as a child. It is completely irrational, but it didn't stop me from having intense emotions.
There is a part of me that is a child liked in a cage. He is filled with rage and he wants to come out, but when he does, he wreaks havoc on my life. Case in point, over the past four years there were several instances where he took control and texted my sister (who is a supporter of the former guy) because he needed someone to take out his rage/anger/frustration/despair. I didn't realize it for a long time that was what was happening--largely because I was so distraught over the whole situation with the former guy (I'm gay and now married to an immigrant).
Sun, Jul. 6th, 2014, 10:16 pm
Originally posted by
drenshawtennant at Speechless.
Newspaper rang me to day for a comment on my brother's being accused of raping his two teenaged step-daughters.
What the bloody hell could I say to any of that? ANY of it?
Why do I seem to be so much more concerned with my being incapable of putting into words my feelings about this "journalist's" conduct than anything else about it? Than feeling for the girls, than what this news does to my perspective on my recently recalled history of frequently violent sexual abuse from my brother, mother, and father?
Does there really have to be more suffering for me to consolidate more slivers of the possible truth of my life?
Sat, Apr. 7th, 2018, 09:13 pm
This site has always been on my friends list but, seems no one posts to it from early 2013. Shame cause it was a nice place to get some real help.
Was curious what anyone else checks it.
Sun, Sep. 1st, 2013, 09:19 pm
drenshawtennant: Someone to talk to? Please..?
I failed to respond to your comments before, and I'm truly sorry, I do find facing communication incredibly difficult, but I so regret now not having pushed myself hard enough to do so.
I also get disheartened, perhaps far too easily, when I find so many leads deserted, even as I understand reasons for absence myself. Where else should I be looking? I feel I need to get things out of my system, but I'm concerned that the nature of what I need to write will be too graphic. I'm not net or computer savvy, which complicates things. I'm so out of my depth with all of this and becoming more overwhelmed with continually emerging memories and realisations, can someone help me out here, please?
And, just to be able to talk to someone, and get to know people who understand, though I suppose that's difficult for everyone, but I just don't know how to start. Is it as straightforward and frightening as just approaching people from here and asking, or..?
I'm not always quite such an awkward and dithering twit, mostly, but not always.
Take care, I wish you well, Jonah.
Wed, Jun. 12th, 2013, 12:18 am
fight4asmile: Not going to be quiet anymore
Hello,
I am in my 30s. All the compartmentalization and all the rationalization that I have built over the years have finally failed. I have to directly recognize that I am the victim of sexual and serious emotional abuse.
I created this livejournal account as a safe way for me to start documenting the healing and building. I need to write, and I am sure there are others who need to know that they aren't alone.
I don't remember the last time I was "normal," so I don't know what is in store. I know I can't keep living like this though.
I do have one question for the group: No doubt more than one of you pondered the question of, how can I keep my seeking help out of the rest of my life? For starters, it can be used against you in court, and certain jobs (especially those with a security clearance) would look dimly on it. Gun owners, police officers, even pilots have reason to be concerned. Even if you know you would never hurt anyone. It just seems unfair that you get victimized once only to be faced with the choice of either silently suffering or telling the world about it and having things taken away from you.
So does anyone have any tips for how to get help safely and anonymously?
Thu, Feb. 7th, 2013, 12:15 am
drenshawtennant: Anyone still about?
No? Well... I'm just going to pretend there is, because otherwise... it's just not fair... I'm 41, and I've only recently begun to have memories of sexual abuse, though the symptoms I've had all my life seem to be indicative of it. I'm getting some help, but feel more and more lost and confused and have great difficulty even accepting what's happened. I'm supposed to write about it, but still can't bring myself to do it. It feels like there'll never be an end to the crud coming up. I really just wanted someone to talk to who knows what it's like.
Mon, Jan. 9th, 2012, 01:19 pm
Well...I have officially decided to do it. I don't want to be quiet anymore, about any of it. I was abused...and it was not my fault. I have no shame of what happened...I was a kid. Just a kid.
Now, at the age of thirty, I feel as though I NEED to write about it. And so, today I have started my blog, on the matter. Hopefully, by writing about what happened, I can find some sort of release.
We shall see.
Sun, Oct. 9th, 2011, 01:26 pm
Happy Thanksgiving.
Today I think I'll just go for my usual walk along the seawall and then up the hill to have a few drinks at the PJ's.
I'll be alone as usual but I like it that way. Of coarse most people will be having their big dinners with family.
If I did that I'd have to be pretending that I forgot all the years of sexual abuse I had from my dad. My mom keeps asking
why I don't come visit. I'm not about to step inside the house that allot of the abuse happened. I probably won't do that til my
dad is dead. I'm not sure what emotions will be going through my mind when that happens. Mostly just relief and
good riddance. My family isn't a close one so it won't make allot of difference in my life except for the pain of having to go to the
funeral and having to see relatives. I guess I'll probably have to pretend that I'm sad. I'll have to drug myself up for that experience.
Anyway...... hope other people are having a better weekend.
Sun, May. 23rd, 2010, 10:16 pm
poision76: compaired to others
My pain may sound small. With that said, I recently joined the group and feel I should let you intrude on my "life". I grew up a New York City boy in the deep south. No I never lived in NYC; some may say metro sexual. Anyways, from the time I can remember I got myself ready for school (if I went), no breakfast. To the bus I went all alone to school where I was called fag from the begin to the end; among all the others. My brother and his friends were the ring leaders, when I stood up for myself I would get the beat down; I learned to keep a knife on me at all time. After school I would arrive to an empty house and as I grew older turned to all the "fun and feel good things" in "life". My best friend was being molested by his uncle and what he learned was shared with me.....Growing up I have heard every lie to get me into bed and have what i concer the worst empty, hatefull souls around!EVERYONE NEEDS A GREAT BIG PILL COCKTAIL HUG; Aka my doctors have me loaded on pills and hugs!