Unmasking Passive-Aggressive Behaviour in the Workplace: Strategies for ADR Professionals – The ADR Institute of Ontario (original) (raw)

This post is written by Stephanie Noël, a consultant and dispute resolution specialist at Workplace Assessments by Noël & Co. Inc. Stephanie provides insights and strategies to recognize and address passive-aggressive behaviour in the workplace.

Introduction

The workplace, often called a second home, is a space where we invest a significant portion of our lives. The dynamics within the workplace can be intricate, leading to conflicts that may surface. One form of conflict, although common, often escapes immediate recognition and resolution – passive-aggressive behaviour. As an ADR professional, understanding and addressing this behaviour is crucial for fostering a healthy workplace environment.

Diagnosing passive-aggressive behaviour is challenging due to its subtle and indirect nature. It often goes unnoticed, initially dismissed as minor quirks: “Oh, that’s just Joe.” However, these behaviours intensify over time and become more noticeable – manifesting as patterns that undermine workplace culture, productivity, morale, and teamwork. Recognizing and addressing this behaviour is crucial because its consequences can be far-reaching, leading to workplace unrest, a toxic atmosphere, and deteriorating employee morale. The effects on the overall harmony of the workplace include:[1]

Decreased Productivity: Colleagues struggle to concentrate on their tasks due to tension and conflict.
Poor Morale: The toxic atmosphere stemming from passive-aggressive behaviour can result in low morale, reduced job satisfaction, and higher turnover rates.
Communication Breakdown: The avoidance of open and honest communication hampers teamwork, leading to misunderstandings and errors.
Increased Stress: Dealing with passive-aggressive colleagues can be emotionally draining, causing increased stress and anxiety.
Missed Opportunities: Focusing on interpersonal issues can divert attention from essential tasks, hindering personal and professional growth.

Scenario: The Missed Deadline

To illustrate passive-aggressive behaviour, consider a scenario:

Manager (Emily): a marketing firm project manager depending on her team to deliver on time.
Employee (Sam): a talented graphic designer experiencing personal stress impacting his work.

Emily approaches Sam:

Emily: “Sam, I noticed we’re a bit behind schedule on the graphics for the upcoming presentation. The client’s deadline is looming, and we need to get back on track. Is everything okay? Do you need any help or resources to meet the deadline?”
Sam (passive-aggressively): “Oh sure, Emily. It’s just fantastic that you’ve noticed the deadline approaching. It’s not like I’ve been working day and night on this project. I’ve got superhuman powers, right? Of course, I can do everything myself. No need to worry.”

Sam’s sarcastic response is a classic example of passive-aggressive behaviour, indirectly expressing his frustration and stress.

The Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Passive-aggressive behaviour thrives on veiled comments, nonverbal cues, and indirect expressions of hostility. Recognizing these manifestations is crucial:[2]

Sarcasm: Sarcastic comments are often used to criticize, mock, or undermine colleagues or superiors.
Procrastination: Deliberate delays or procrastination on tasks can be a passive-aggressive tactic.
Silent Treatment: Ignoring or giving the cold shoulder to a coworker can create tension and disrupt communication.
Withholding Information: Keeping vital information or feedback to oneself can be a passive-aggressive act.
Undermining: Subtle sabotage – such as undermining colleagues’ work, taking credit for others’ accomplishments, or spreading rumours and gossip.

Real-life Experience: Common Cycle of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

In my workplace restoration practice, interviewing employees from all levels and diverse professional backgrounds, a recurring theme or cycle of behaviours has been present—best described as negative criticism, seeking forgiveness, and gaslighting. This behavioural pattern can be particularly challenging to address; let’s break it down and discuss strategies for managing it effectively.

Negative Criticism:

Negative criticism[3] often takes the form of unfairly pointing out flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings in ways meant to be hurtful or undermining. Negative criticism might sound like: “You always mess things up, don’t you?” It is crucial to recognize negative criticism when it occurs, and address it promptly and assertively. Use “I” statements to express how such criticism makes you feel, and request respectful communication.

Seeking Forgiveness:

Individuals may resort to seeking forgiveness[4] because they realize their criticism was hurtful. It might sound like: “I didn’t mean to upset you; I’m sorry.” Try to understand the motivations behind these requests, and encourage individuals to reflect on their behaviour.

Accepting apologies and promoting forgiveness is healthy, but also emphasizes accountability for one’s actions. A “sorry” comment often comes off as disingenuous; it encourages the individual to acknowledge the impact of their criticism on others.

Gaslighting:

Gaslighting[5] involves manipulating someone to doubt their own perception, memory, or reality. It might sound like: “You’re overreacting. That never happened.”

It is important to recognize gaslighting and not internalize false doubts. When faced with it, stay grounded in your experiences and feelings. Trust your instincts and seek support from others who can validate your experiences.

Engage in an open and honest dialogue with an individual who exhibits gaslighting behaviour. Express your concerns and explain why such behaviour is harmful and counterproductive. If the behaviour persists, consider documenting your interactions and seeking support from HR or a supervisor to formally address the issue.

The Possible Root Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Understanding “why” individuals act the way they do is a complex puzzle we can never fully solve. Passive-aggressive behaviour, by its nature, is intricate and can arise from a multitude of underlying personal and environmental factors. There might be an underlying dehumanizing discourse at play, which we must strive to counter by rehumanizing the dialogue for more positive and productive conduct. Considering a trauma-informed approach becomes especially important. Common factors contributing to passive-aggressive behaviour include:[6]

Fear of Confrontation: Fear of direct confrontation stemming from negative past experiences.
Low Self-Esteem: Struggling to assert oneself or express needs directly due to feelings of inadequacy.
Insecurity: Needing control or protecting one’s self-image without engaging in conflict.
Communication Issues: Poor communication skills lead to indirect expressions of frustration.
Workplace Stress: High stress and lack of support lead to indirect expressions of frustration.
Personal History: Past experiences shape communication style.
Perceived Power Imbalance: Feeling powerless or unheard, attempting to regain control.
Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills: Relying on passive-aggressive tactics due to an inability to resolve conflicts healthily.
Unmet Needs: Emotional or professional needs have been unmet.
Personality Traits: Certain traits, like perfectionism, can contribute to passive-aggressive behaviour.
Cultural or Organizational Factors: Workplace cultures can inadvertently encourage passive-aggressive behaviour.

Strategies to Tackle Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Addressing passive-aggressive behaviour involves several strategies:[7]

Identify signs of passive-aggressive behaviour.
Encourage open and honest communication in the workplace.
Offer training in conflict resolution and emotional intelligence.
Define job roles and expectations clearly.
Offer support and resources to address underlying issues.
Involve mediators if necessary (HR professionals or supervisors) to resolve persistent issues.

Conclusion

By fostering open communication, empathy, and conflict resolution, organizations can build an environment where employees thrive and conflict is managed constructively. It’s time to recognize the subtle conflicts in our midst, and address them with understanding and purpose.

[1] Long, N. & Whitson, S. (2018). The Angry Smile: The New Psychological Study of Passive Aggressive Behavior at Home, in School, in Relationships, in the Workplace & Online. Hagerstown, MD: The LSCI Institute. Passive-Aggression in the Workplace | Psychology Today

[2] Ibid.

[3] Timms, M. (2022). Blame Culture is Toxic. Here’s How to Stop It. Harvard Business Review. Blame Culture Is Toxic. Here’s How to Stop It. (hbr.org)

[4] Brown, D. (2021). The Professional Way To Handle Apologies And Forgiveness. Forbes. The Professional Way To Handle Apologies And Forgiveness (forbes.com)

[5] Ni, P. (2020). 7 Signs of Gaslighting at the Workplace. Psychology Today. 7 Signs of Gaslighting at the Workplace | Psychology Today

[6] Ibid.

[7] Long, N. & Whitson, S. (2018). The Angry Smile: The New Psychological Study of Passive Aggressive Behavior at Home, in School, in Relationships, in the Workplace & Online. Hagerstown, MD: The LSCI Institute. Passive-Aggression in the Workplace | Psychology Today

—

Reviewed and Edited by the ADRIO Newsletter Blog Committee in collaboration with Staff: Babara Benoliel (Chair) Ben Drory Robyn Jacobson Kim Parish Tommy Lam (Staff)

The opinions expressed in the articles featured in this blog are that of the respective writers and do not represent the views of The ADR Institute of Ontario.