Adults with AD/HD (original) (raw)

(Cross-posted from my personal journal.)

I wrote this as a comment on a blog in response to a woman who is homeschooling her son and is pretty sure he has ADHD. She hasn't sought a diagnosis for him, probably because she is able to meet his educational needs through homeschooling rather than making him sit down in a classroom for several hours a day. I'm reposting it here for posterity, and because I think it's important information:

Speaking as someone with severe ADHD that wasn't diagnosed until my 20s, I REALLY REALLY REALLY encourage you to pursue a diagnosis for your son even if you do not put him in school. When people grow up with undiagnosed ADHD, they learn from society that their problem behaviours are due to character flaws--as one popular book on ADHD puts it, that they are lazy, stupid, or crazy. Most of the adults in an undiagnosed ADHD child's life usually communicate this to them--you're probably not doing so to your son, since you know what's going on with him and try to work with his brain rather than against it, but any other adults your son encounters probably will. ADHD traits annoy authority figures, and are generally perceived as originating from lack of effort. Most people, when they see a person who is late all the time, doesn't remember things, and can't pay attention, don't think the person has ADHD. They think "Oh, that person doesn't care about what they're doing." That is how people will likely react to your son unless he gets a diagnosis.

Most people with undiagnosed ADHD end up with very low self-esteem, along with other mental health problems such as anxiety and depression, by adulthood as a result. A diagnosis is a godsend for them, because they finally figure out that no, they couldn't have made all their problems go away if only they'd tried harder, so they don't need to hate themselves for not trying hard enough. However, it is very difficult to undo the effects of all the derogatory messages they have gotten from society for so many years, especially since anxiety and a failure to understand one's own limitations can worsen ADHD symptoms.

An ADHD diagnosis is by FAR your son's best shot at avoiding some of this. There are still a lot of people who don't understand ADHD, and some of them really don't WANT to understand, but the level of ADHD knowledge among people who work with children for a living is way better than it used to be. If people working with your son know that he has ADHD, they are much more likely to accept his limitations and recognize when he is making an effort, rather than criticizing him for behaviour he cannot control. Furthermore, if you educate your son about how his brain works, he will have a narrative about himself that makes sense, which he can use to counter negative messages that he gets from society based on his ADHD traits. A diagnosis will give him a chance at decent self-esteem and dramatically improve his chances of a healthy, happy adult life.

Your son would probably also function much better on ADHD medication. For most people with ADHD, it is much easier to function in life if they are on medication. The need for medication becomes more acute in the increasingly demanding situations that people encounter as they get older, such as college classes and jobs, and many people with untreated ADHD who functioned well as children become less functional as life's demands get greater. Medication also makes it easier to avoid earning the ire of people who will denigrate anyone who shows ADHD traits (and that's a LOT of people), which is very helpful for self-esteem and life success.

Please carefully consider what I'm saying. If your son truly has ADHD, diagnosis and treatment are extremely important for his long-term welfare.

(ETA: Just changed the entry from members-only to public so I can link to it for people outside this community, with one comment on the entry. I hope that's okay.)