The Questions/Answers' Journal (original) (raw)

I don't quite get the situation.

I've never been with someone long term and the people I've burned for, it was mostly a learning experience... not the actual dating ordeal. The guys that do come onto me, I for some reason don't reciprocate the same feeling. And as passionate as I am, it's been rare for me to dump everything into them the way I have wanted to. Close to it, but these were very short term with one dude who was a lot older, and another dude where it lasted about 3 months.

well, I've had a friend who has liked me for the longest time. But he's always played the friend role. At the same rate, he's the only guy that I would compare to having the same closeness as someone you date. Waking up next to each other, knowing each others parents well, having your friends always ask what's going on with you two, etc. I never wanted to look at him like that when we were younger, because he was 'just the friend'

He finally got a girlfriend, but then my ways as a person started to change. I was more of a partier back then and started to see that all of the good guys are taken. The kind of guys I was attracted to were only into the party scene and assholes. I'd be the type to actually think I'd meet someone at a party or club. (ages-16,17)

Once he broke it off with his girlfriend, we hooked up. I wasn't well trained with the whole dating thing and didn't realize he was also still very much in love with her. So, I had to break that off and make it clear that if we're friends, it's just friends. If you want to be more than that, it's a different story.

At the same rate, any time I would be seeing a guy or be involved with someone, jealousy would appear. He all of a sudden wanted to be more aggressive with the situation.

We also didn't want to get into anything because he was big into going to the air force. I didn't want to get hooked on anyone leaving. Well he did go, but he got kicked out. We both took this as a sign of.. well maybe we should take it to another level.

It didn't work out, but we still remained friends. The strange part of all of this is that we had never had sex while dating, or beforehand.

Ok, so now I'm at a point where we decided to do the 'friends with benefits' ordeal, but I really don't know if this is worth it. I don't know if this is all hindering me from finding something real.

He is still telling me he likes me and that he's not seeing anyone, but it's still this loose thing. I, on the other hand, kind of feel like it didn't work before, so why would it now? And I also feel that if you really liked someone, you would want to make something out of it. I can see he doesn't have time for a girlfriend, and at the same rate, I don't really see him as being the one for me.

I did flat out tell him that it's not a good idea to get feelings, because it's just a friends with benefits situation. Usually when people are in these kind of set ups, there are no strings attached or acting like girlfriend/boyfriend. His body language is very much so like that. So I really don't know what to do about this. Keep having sex with your friend or cut it off to find something else? Or appreciate sex for sex? IDK.

And yeah, I also see it as pointless as having feelings for someone where the love is more of a 'friendship' sort of love.

I do date and go out, but a lot of guys I meet do not catch me like that. He claims to have girls hit on him often, but he keeps saying they don't grab his attention the way I do................ what is the underlying problem?

Thank you for any advice or insight you may have