It's so nice to be insane (original) (raw)

So. I've been doing a lot of thinking about life issues lately, but the big one that has been plaguing my mind and eating away and my soul of late is that of this damn election.

I've been researching the issues and candidates for the past couple months now, and it seems that every I come across a different point of view, my opinion changes. It makes me want to bash my head through the computer screen, because somehow that will make everyone able to cooperate and focus on the issues that actually matter. And for those of you who know me well enough, you know that this in itself is a fairly significant accomplishment.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this rant, I'm in the process of reevaluating a lot of what I believe. I'm figuring out why I believe what I do, way past the surface. I'm getting past the stages of blindly following the beliefs and traditions that I was raised on, and frankly, some of it is quite horrifying. Never before in my life have I even entertained the possibility of myself voting Democrat, but, through this process I like to call "The Evolution of Thoughts and Growing Up", I've realized that (Gasp!) I definitely do not agree with everything I learned from my parents and in church.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not a Democrat. But, I'm not a Republican, either. I prefer to refer to myself as a very non-controversial Independent. Not that that really solves any of the issues..

But, I digress. In the midst of figuring out where I actually stand on all of these issues, I am completely lost as far as the candidates go. I like McCain, and Ron Paul, but only to a certain degree. I am growing increasingly disgusted with the Republicans lack of attention to the economy - primarily on issues of poverty. See, in all of my soul searching, this is one of the major issues I have struggled with and come to at least a partial conclusion. At the basis of it all, I want to be more like Jesus. And Jesus loved people, especially the outcasts, the rejects, the homeless, the gay people. He didn't hold debates with the Pharisees about their rights or try to get enough signatures to pass a bill for lower taxes. Now granted, our Government does need to do their job, and democracy is a good thing. But how do you reflect compassion and sacrifice in American politics? Gah.

And this is where my current controversies comes into play. Who the heck do I vote for?! As scary as it sounds, I'm coming to the conclusion that if I really want economic results, I'm going to have to support Obama. Actually, from the minimal amount of research I've done on him and his policies (I know, I'll find out more later. But my brain is swimming right now. It all sounds the same to me.), that actually might not be so incredibly horrible as my conservative Christian self has made it out to be, except for two things. One, I'm not into big government. However, if that is what's necessary to do what needs to be done, I'll deal with it. Two, Obama is pro-choice, and voting for someone who who completely supports abortion would break my heart, because believe me, I definitely know where I stand on that issue.

I could honestly vote for anyone, except Hillary, right now, and all for different reasons. And I know I have almost nine months to figure it out, but in the meantime, it's eating away at me. Any helpful input or resources anybody might have would be very much appreciated, but essentially, I'm going to have to wrestle through this alone with Jesus. I want to know what I believe.