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I just REALLY want to cut. I had stopped for awhile and things have gotten hard again...and i keep slipping. each time I cut it just makes me want to do it more...and more...and deeper. I dont know. My social worker kind of made me make a deal with her that I would try to self talk myself out of cutting and not cut until January 1st. Thats one month. A long time. ANd then I cant help but thing...okay after that I'll be able to cut. she made me shake on it. thats the worst thing...If I DO cut, then its like I let her down. I don't want to let her down. I dont want her to think im not strong enough and give up on me. but I want to do it. RIGHT NOW. SO BAD. i'll never be able to tell anyone if I do....and then I KNOW she'll ask me..and i'll say no...and feel like shit..and tell her later that I did actually do it...and feel even worse
thats how it always is...
I dont want to fight it. I just want to do it. I want to bleed. bleed deep. I want these feelings to just GO AWAY

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