Sorry for the not-real review. (original) (raw)

Ugh. Just keep twisting that blade, Russy-kins!
"Who's he? He's not on the guest list."
"He's my plus one."
;___;

"You're obsessively enthusiastic about it."
":D Oh, thanks!"
XD Only true geeks take being called a geek as a compliment. <3

"We've been busy."
"Busy? Doing what?"
"Uh...you know...stuff."
"O RLY. Are you shagging my daughter?! D:"

Lazarus has very large ears. Larger even than Nine's. And not as endearing as Nine's, either. They're just kind of like, "O HAY GAIZ *chomp*"

Oh snap. MF sparks. Little bit too sonic, professor?

Lazarus HUUUUNNNNGRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY. Eat nibbles! Chompchomp!

Martha is beginning to come back into my good graces. XD DNA collection for wins.

And I love that little laugh the Doctor does. XD "You're a star, haa" You know what I mean.

...That Lazarus-old lady kiss was moderately disturbing.
And bam; she just got shot down!
Oh snap, Lazarus is getting pwned by his DNA.
And now old lady is getting pwned by his DNA.

*Snicker* Old lady = orange. What.
At this point, I am reminded of an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force(SPOILERSIFYOUCARELOLLERS), in which they discover a monster in the attic. And this monster is a fucking pansy, until the end, when Carl goes up to the attic, and the monster rips off his arms. "*roars* JUICE!" Carl and the old lady share the same fate. But I doubt this old lady will be returning every episode like Carl and Kenny do.

No, Martha's sister! Don't go on the roof! You never go on the roof at night with men who've just become 40 years younger! He's gonna (innuendo involving squeezing juice out of an orange)! Noes!

Alright, although it's only like 2 seconds of the episode, SQUEE! STRINGS! <333 *is violinist. hardcore, baby.*

Oh burn on Ten, spilling liquid all over Mrs. Jones.
"I think you need this. Crunk juice! Do you know that man? He's kind of cute and I was wondering if he'd be upset if I touched his ass. :\"

"But this is the top fl- the roof! The roof! The roof is on--" Oh I won't even finish that...

YES. Fucking right. He visits Dickens, a favorite. He visits Shakespeare, THE favorite. He fucking quotes Eliot! GUH. So much <3.

Oh. Shipper tears. "Some people live more in 20 years years than some do in 80." True dat, Doctor. True dat. :P

Aww, Lazarus turned from young-and-handsome!Lazarus to aww-what-a-cute-wittle-hugenormous-monster!Lazarus. Cuuuute! Aww, he's hungry!

Seriously though, a lot of Who monsters seem to be very hungry or they enjoy consuming their victims. the Absorbalame, the Wire, (HUUUUNNNNNGRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY! O:), the Krillitanes, that crazy bitch on the moon who drank all her victims' blood, and now we've got Richard Lazarus, sucking the juice out of bitches like oranges. And I've no doubt in my mind that if we were to witness the maturation of Brannigan's kitty kiddies, they would be maneaters as well.

"Are you okay?"
"I was gonna snog 'im."
*snicker*

Aaaand the lights go out, and the string duo (trio? I see a viola and a cello; where's the fucking violinist?!) are like "WTF I can't read mai notez."

Ugh, he gave her the sonic screwdriver. Psht. I hope she breaks it and he bitch slaps her. ;D ;D

XD Oh man. "You people are all in serious DANGE-AH! HIGH VOLTAGE! When we touch, when we kiss. FIRE IN THE DISCO! Fire in the TACO BELL!"
"The biggest danger here is chokin on an oliv- *chokes on olive*"
GLASS BREAKS. EVERYONE RUN.

Oh no, Richard spilled the nibbles! D: So sad. He looks like a slimy scorpion person thing. THING.

So the lady in the gold dress just kind of stands there, checkin' out Lazarus. IMO, she deserves to get eaten. And the Doctor's like, "NOES! U RUN AWAYS NOW K?" And she's like, "Oh don't be silly, young fellow; he just wants a hug!" CHOMP.

Oh snap, the Doctor's being meeeean to Lazarus. Run away, Doctor! He wants to eat your Time Lordy juices!
God that's SO perverted.

I love how he wears the Chucks with a tux. Reminds me of when Niki and I wore Chucks with our prom dresses. XD Fuck yeah.

Yay for Martha being an almost-Doctor! Fix that concussion!

"Peekaboo."
And the Doctor's like, "O hells no bitch."

Aww, Martha wants to go save the Doctor from Richie-poo. How noble.
...
:\
She thinks she's more badass than she actually is.

I bet Martha learned how to run in heels from Gillian Anderson. She should've just kicked them off a long time ago XD

Mmm, bunsen burners.

"Maybe she loves him."
Psh. They really need to lay off the fecking I'm-sooo-in-love-with-you!Martha. She would be so cool if she weren't a lovesick little puppy every five minutes.

"The plan was to get inside here!"
"Then what?"
"Then, the plan was, I'd come up with another plan!"

Oh noes! Unlocking dormant genes! That looks like an awkward position for both of them. *cough*

YES! He reversed the fucking polarity! Fucking right.

Guh. More Eliot. I think I want to jump the Doctor. Seriously. Like even moreso than previously.

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper.

WHAT THE HELL. The mother-slap. He goes 900 years without being slapped by anyone's mother, and now he's been slapped twice in less than three years by mothers. RTD and the script writers do this to piss us off.

I think Martha's sister should join the TARDIS crew. She's kind of cool.

Oooh, talkin' about the blitz.
"You read about it."
"I was there."
"You're too young."
"So are you."

"Facing death is part of being human."
Cassandraaaaa.
I think the DW writers are running out of ideaaaaaas.

Ooooh, I see! Lazarus fucked up the sound waves, so the Doctor's gonna fuck 'em up again with the organ! :D Win!

"Stay behind me. Because you know, if he eats me, he'll be on his merry way, won't bug you a bit. :)"

OH MY GOD TRAILER OF SECKS. JACK. DFKJGHDFJKGH SQUEE.
I can't express my joy at seeing Jack. He will make everything happy again.

I still think Martha's sister should have joined them.

All in all, it was a good episode, but I feel like the DW writers are reusing things, and not old-school stuff, but things they used in the last two seasons. It's kind of annoying.

JACK JACK JACK JACK JACK
I really hope he either smacks the Doctor or kisses him, or both. XD