*Central Texas Lesbians and Bisexuals* (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	lonely	]

Hi, ya'll!

Candy just posted and I figured I should too. Besides, I need some love advice...

Jamie and I met last December over the internet and met in person later. We have been together roughly for 8 months, though we broke up a month or so in there.

We love each more than life but here's the deal:

I have been suffering through depression the last few months--terrible days and nights where I cry over nothing and just want to end it. I hate being alone. Jamie used to live in Cali and I went to school in Mass. (where I'll be returning in a week). So we would rarely see each other but when we did, damn, it was so perfect.

I seemed to get worse over the months and it effected our relationship a lot.

Now, add the whole thing of jealousy. Being so far didn't help my jealousy issues. And I didn't deal with anything well. Like she wasn't out completely (I was her first gf) and so she'd "cover" by going out with guys sometimes. And it didn't mean anything, but still, it hurt, you know?

And then we broke up and she turned super-gay. Like she got lots of lesbian friends, became more out, dressed gayer, and got a gf (one a lot less femme than me). So when we decided to give it another shot, I had all these girls to deal with.

She in turn had to deal with the fact that while we were apart, I got a bf who I lost my guy-virginity to. I was trying so hard to get over her that I tried to get intimate really fast with someone opposite her. It didn't work. I came running back.

She said they mean nothing and they know about me, but they're flirtatious and her ex isn't over her leaving her for me. I found e-mails (I know, I shouldn't have snooped) from some girl who was just all lovey dovey with her and Jamie wrote back kinda leading her on. Now, I guess she knows about me and so whatever, but it STILL HURTS...I consider it cheating. What do ya'll think?

We broke up. This was while I was visiting her in Lubbock this past weekend (I'm in Houston for the summer). We had a major fight, almost made it work, and then decided right as I was about to board the plane, to be friends.

How does someone handle the jealousy? She's not willing to give up all these friends who want her. She can't see how much it hurts me to see all these other girls who she says mean nothing, but who I find to be taking a part of her away from me.

We love each other a lot but this is the major roadblock. I'm dealing with my depression issues but now it's even worse that we're not together...

I have major issues with jealousy and my temper and I've said things in the past I can't take back as well as done things not-so-smart. So what do we do?

There may not really be an answer, huh? But any advice will help. I love her more than life but I want to stop the pain for both of us. I don't want to break her heart and want her breaking mine. Is there a way around this or what?

Mel