The Coffee House Rant (original) (raw)

| this one goes out to that motorcycleguy | | | | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 12:55am 30/04/2006 | | | | | I wrote this a while ago.I was with a few friends the other day and we got really ripped. Recently my psychotropic adventures have been a lot more mental and eye-opening than "oh wow look how funny that shadow is." I'm seeing a lot more of myself than I had before. I'm becoming more honest with myself and others.Two of these said friends were dating, and recently are not. The night eventually came to just me and those two. I was just having a nice time before I started noticing patterns in their speech. She would keep bringing up their old past and he kept bringing up things that equally angered her. This went back and forth. In arcs. They would laugh together, he would say something, she would react negatively, she would say something in anger, he would respond in a cute manner and they would begin to laugh together again. This happened in big circles of language. I'm pretty sure they both were aware of their behavior but not of how obvious it was due to the drugs.But it really wasn't obvious, they were both trying their damnedest to hide every ounce of their feelings because of fear of what the other would feel. I sat, just watching mostly. Listening.I realized the guy was just trying to end the relationship peacefully and still be friends, even though he still loves her but can't see it working out. He would say something meant to include her into a friendship, like he does with his buddies. She would take this as a degrading comment, not seeing his intention was friendly.She, trying to call back the love and happiness, would talk about old times. Hopefully to see a smile on his face, securing that he also still felt for her. This goes directly against his plan of being friendly, but he'd laugh and smile and remember. Then shrug or change the subject, because he's afraid he wont be able to keep a friendship if she keeps talking about their relationship.I could see right through them. I've never been able to see so deeply into two people and their motivations for their actions. I could see that both of them still loved the other quite a lot, yet there were deeper things holding them back from it. She doesn't think she's good enough for a relationship, so can't imagine a better one than she had with him. He's a teenager going into adulthood and starting a "new" life and can't imagine her in it, or her wanting to be in it---at least, romanticly.After looking so deeply into two people, seeing every geasture and every comment and choice of words attempting to get something out of the other. I began to look into myself with the same eye.I saw how much they were lying about their feelings. How every action was a muted shout of their feelings. I saw how this was a part of so many relationships I've had in my life. And how much I do it, myself.When people ask me "How are you?"I'll often say "fine."I'm going to start using more adjectives. I'm going to be honest about my feelings. I'm going to stop making out with girls that I can't see myself actually spending a significant amount of time with and also trying to impress everybody who looks at me. I'm going to be myself. I'm going to stop judging others as a frightened way of not judging myself. I'm going to destroy this sort of idealism that places me against them. The intelligent against the smart. Offense versus defense. It's no way to live your life, thinking that you're some kind of all-knowing person who can so objectively see what nobody else can see. Your band is the best in the fucking world. Your life is going to be the one with all the money and fame. Your life is going to be the one people look up to.Because what happens when you're 20 years older and you haven't really achieved as much as you thought you would. You're going to fucking hate yourself. You'll realize that because you put yourself so far above other people, thinking only you will succeed out of these people, you also raised your standard of living far beyond your reach.What if you don't live up to what you believe you are? Why haven't I been able to just accept who I am and what happens to me? Why is the future more important than how I am living right now? I'm going to stop looking up towards the sky and set my sights on what's forward, in front of me. I'm going to stare at what I can deal with and what I can do now. I'm going to stop worrying about what I'll live to be.My life is not a movie. My life is not a video game. I don't need drama. I don't need money. I just need to be content with who I am. If I can manage that, where and how I live will be much easier to deal with. Because it wont matter. I know who I am, I know what I want to be. I know what changes I need to make. I know myself.I'm going to stop calling people idiots and start being friendlier and trying to find common ground instead of how I'm better than them.I'm going to stop lying to myself about who I am.And it's difficult and painful to look at myself.It's hard to accept my failures and my hypocricy in many aspects.Hopefully you've gotten something out of this. Hopefully the next time you're fucking pissed off, you'll say it when they ask how you are. Hopefully when people ask you or me how you or I feel about them, you'll actually tell them.Fuck vaguities. Fuck lying for the sake of being nice. Fuck ambiguity.They're only obstacles in your and my way.I'm often afraid of making plans or bold statements because I'm afraid I don't have the courage to live up to them, so I'll only let people down, namely: myself. | | | | | | Read 3 - Post | | | | | |

| In Defense Of Valentine's And Commercialism | | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 05:52pm 15/02/2006 | | | | | Look around the room you're in right now. Go outside and look at your house and your neighborhood.Look at everything you've ever bought or have had bought for you. Which of these things do you treasure? How many of them do you use every day? Granted, the first is probably much less than the second. Think of some product or gift you've gotten that's given you nice memories. Look at your dresser or closet.And you complain about Valentine's being commercial?How often do you spend time on Myspace, watching TV, eating TV dinners, seeing movies, going to the mall, driving your car, wearing clothes?And you complain about ANYTHING being commercialIs love or affection so sacred that money can not touch it? Companies and corporations provide a service. If people didn't buy, the products wouldn't sell. Fuck you for being so pretentious that you call THIS commercial and can't even look in the mirror. Look at your car, makeup, computer, any accessories you own. Anything you own that you bought because some corporation or some company provided for you. What is it they say about biting the hand that feeds? Earlier this morning, I was thinking that Valentine's is more of an excuse for single people to complain about not having someone.I really like the holiday. I think it's really sweet. When I see two people being cute, I get kind of jealous but then I'm just really happy that they're smiling, at least for now. Who knows what will happen to their relationship? The fact is, the holiday brings people together. It's sweet. Chocolate and hearts and red and pink are beautiful things to be surrounded with.If you were with somebody, would the holiday be as worse, better or even worse, than if you weren't?I understand the arguement that "oh well shouldn't you love a person all year and consistantly remind them? why just one day?" What about Christmas? What about Halloween? What about your birthday? Valentine's is just another day that is celebrated because something happened a long time ago and now we have traditions and customs based on that event. So why do you complain about this holiday and not the others? Do you give gifts under trees to everyone you know every day? Do you go look for easter eggs every sunday?Are you complainers of Valentines so completely blind to your own self, that you allow a double standard like this? I know it seems mild. Yet, if you hadn't noticed this double standard in yourself before, what else haven't you noticed?In conclusion, it's just another holiday. The fact that it deals with relationships and love and stupidity when it comes to the opposite or same sex doesn't matter. The fact that it's commercial is a cop out for a better reason that you can't find. Why sit around complaining when you could just ask some cute girl or boy who is also alone on that day, "want to hang out? I don't have anything(one) to do and you seem cool :)" | | | | | | Read 1 - Post | | | | | |

| app | | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 11:35am 30/12/2005 | | | | | I bunged up application for this but I figured you would probably forgive me since it really is not that big of a deal in the long run...I mean really, this is a community for deeper thought so I am therefore confident that you can look past small things with no true value. I dove into it. I'm like that and I would be surprised to learn that no one else in this community dives into things when exited. To preface my application thinger I would like to say that I sit on a computer 40 hours a week in a call center. I just gave up my life and my friends to ahve this job so I can afford to travel come spring time (as it is a temp position). All I have is time and opinion plus my 3 smoke breaks a day PLUS the free coffee I drink all day.Name/Nickname- DhillonLocation- Edmonton ABSexuality- agnosticAge-19Martial Status-SingleReligious/Philosophical Status- in the midst of sorting that out. I don't believe in God, but maybe FSM.|Favorites|Quote-(its actually more of a toast, but it works)"To the artists of today, who are more bourgeois than the bourgeoise"- total eclipseBooks-going down with janis - peggy casertaa million little pieces- james freyhitchhikers guide to the galaxy -adamsdon juan- a yaqui way of life - castenedapomes all sizes- kerouakthe pill versus the springhill mine disaster - brautiganI LOVE Beat poets.Bands-xiuxiutom waitslouis jordanlou reedwillie nelsonelliot broodelliot smithfats dominofrank zappajanis joplinand many moreMovies-the partythe jacketcecil b dementedharold and maudenowhereb movies in generalObjects-post itstacksblingIdeas-it is best to believe in todayPictures/Photos-I use to take photography and loved it, but then I bought a digital camera and lost photo passion.I really love paintings. Simone Martini, The Pre-Raphaelites, Van Gogh, hell...SO many great artists.People-verlainerimbaudpiratesex girlfriendsWord-bayouColor-maroon. or maybe orange. thats a damn good colour without enough recognition.|Opinions|Race-doesnt exist. we are different thru experiences and surroundsHomosexuality-again, doesn't exist. doesn't matter, shouldn't matter.Politics-love/hate relationship. pisses me off most of the time, but can't say i would do a better job in their shoes for sure. definately more left than right wing, but hard to say where on the scale i am, i suppose it depends on the situation.War-fuck war and fuck religion. it's ridiculous what happens in the name of god.Murder-murder is wrong. gray subject in my opinion. pun intended.Abortion-pro-choice. Death Penalty-murder is wrong. gray subject in my opinion. pun intended. i think jail is bad enough these days and its worse to live life in jail than death penalty.Drugs-pro-experimentation. personally done with it.Alcohol-In all honesty i'd call myself a recovering binge alcoholic. love the sauce. better than doing crack and hey, we all have vices.Age-sometime in your teens more respect/responsibility should come your way. after a certain point age is useless,we're all people. some 35 year olds act 13 and some 13 year olds act 35. it depends on the people.Violence-sick human nature that should be seriously looked down upon. i hate gang violence and violence in general, i think its sick and animalistic.Religion-for me its all false hope, false togetherness, and false life, but everybody needs to get through the day somehow.|Hobbies|I enjoy: cooking. dope. painting. writing. playing guitar. vino. b movies. Pictures - im at work. no pictures here. | | | | | | Read 6 - Post | | | | | |

| | | | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 05:18pm 31/07/2005 | | | | | I have never been one for ranting, at least in the true sense of the word, "To speak or write in an angry or violent manner; rave." I am rarely prone to aggressive language or violence at all. Yet, a place where I can throw out my thought-out concerns about the world such as this, with a twinge of annoyance, and an inflection in language to convey how I don't like it, is a welcome thing.Where do I begin? National I.D. Cards*? Or perhaps the fact that there isn't any good reason why cannabis is illegal? Or perhaps the people I come in contact with daily?I suppose the first thing I find wrong with our country is that there isn't any real property rights insured in the constitution, and the second being that a great deal of our constitution is ignored to an absurd degree. When the decision of Kelo vs. City of New London** was announced I was floored. For a week I was completely enraged and considered single-handedly organizing a nation-wide protest. However, as I began the initial steps of arranging the protest I became more and more surprised that very few people knew about it, and those who did weren't as disgusted as I was with the implications. It seemed to be something that everyone would care about, that the news would broadcast more than the war in Iraq and enemy insurgents. At least to me private homes or land taken away from citizens by the government for "public use" in our country seemed far more newsworthy. As I watched the T.V. replay videos of soldiers defending "liberties" in the Middle East, I wanted to tell them they were fighting in the wrong place. Basic human right of being able to keep what one earns, be it money or land. It is stealing made legal, and it still irks and saddens me. Perhaps it was constitutional; perhaps the fifth amendment does allow it. In that case, the amendment needs to be amended. Just because certain laws are in place doesn't mean that they are right. It appears that many of them are very wrong indeed. "Those willing to give up a little liberty for a little security deserve neither security nor liberty." -Benjamin FranklinI have found this to be true. People are afraid of terrorists, afraid of not having money during retirement, and thus they allow their freedoms to be taken away. What's even worse is when other people take freedoms away from others for reasons still unknown to me. If they think abortion is wrong, why do they have to impose their values upon my body and my health care? If they are not smart enough to save money when they are old why must I pay taxes? If they are afraid that someone might mess up a medication, why must I go to the doctor to get a prescription? Like many Americans I am perfectly capable of taking responsibility of my actions, and I have no inclination to have anyone else do it for me or do it for anyone else. It seems people are often afraid of living their lives for themselves, afraid to face the world...I used to think that the saying "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" only applied to personal fear, that I should only be afraid of my own fear keeping me from living my life. But it seems that I have reason to fear, (or at least worry about) everyone else's fear also, based upon how irrational their fears and resulting actions are.For those of you who haven't heard:*National I.D. cards**Kelo vs. City of New London | | | | | | Read 2 - Post | | | | | |

| Kaphis | | | | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 12:11am 16/03/2005 | | | | | mood: listless A hypothetical question in order to form a philosophical one:*Official-esque Disclaimer*The following situation is not meant to be realistic, so excuse the medical gaps. It is for the sole purpose of giving you something to think about.Sigh. Infant Kaphis has a healthy body, and an unhealthy brain. Kaphis gets one of two available infant donor brains, either one would have worked.She goes through life.Would it have been any different with the other brain? Would she have been a different person?I know this gets at religion and all kinds of stuff, but I would like to hear your take. I’m not looking for a medical answer, but more of an“in-an-alternate-universe-where-this-could-happen” type.mic_helle(I hate the word ‘healthy’ but I felt I needed to use it to be clear.) | | | | | | Read 9 - Post | | | | | |

| Note? | | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | | 11:17pm 15/03/2005 | | | | | mood: awake So here are some observations from my spaced d o m e :The unfinished applicators:johnrotkobonsie_zayumejin (never applied)ieatpuppieslol (never applied)I’m not saying you have to do this anytime soon at all, I was just lurking and saw some gaps.The In cups seem to be in order now. Hi to the most recent wave of ranters. I really hope you find some use for this place.*tsukubai, I figured you were a Jhonen fan when you listed 'nekkid' under |Words|.I love the way Nny spells things.mic_helle | | | | | | Read 13 - Post | | | | | |

| By the Goddess things are interesting | | | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 12:08pm 15/03/2005 | | | | | This day just gets better and better for me. I missed a test (which won't have a huge impact on my grade, but that just means I need to pick up the pace) in history. I am potentially denied for financial aid due to the fact my mom or me put something down wrong, I have mid terms up the ass, what else could go wrong for me? Oh, but on the bright side I just got a Macy's Charge Card and Credit card that will brighten my day by taking me to new heights in debt. By the goddess what a wonderful live I live. Just another fucking day in paradise. I am not feeling very good right now. I am in dire need of some peace of mind. No time for that. Need to keep trudging along. I'll make it. I am scared. I called my aunt who I would think would extend some concern due to the fact I could feel the urgency in my own voice. It seemed she didn't notice at first. But at least now I feel a lil resolution. My sister is going to Santa Cruiz for rehabilitation. I am glad she is finally accepted somewhere that she will be treated. (Drug abuse.) so that makes me feel better. My mom is down in San Francisco right now helping my grandma. I am happy since she needs some help. She isn't doing so well.Hmmmm. Things are definetly interesting. Wish me luck. | | | | | | Read 2 - Post | | | | | |

| My rant yesterday during contemporary art... | | | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | | 09:50am 11/02/2005 | | | | | I apologize that it's not of something other than literary semi-prose, but this is the tirade i went on yesterday, in a mood of severely critical self analysis of a few parts of me. I have a tendency to believe that the parts I don't like about myself, I can turn to demons, although shallow, and thus view them differently and not act them out as part of myself. It doesn't tend to work, because it's not that easy to change, but it lends some morbid writings... "Just stop, tear your heart out. Kill your emotions, don't feel. There's no point. No matter what you're going to run your mind in circles and become more confused and find more pain than you need. Going to find you've dug yourself a beautiful rabbit hole, lined with rabbit furs, all pretty and soft and dead. Wonderfully alike how all others see you. All pretty, beautiful, soft... quite dead. You have to wonder where you're going when your shovel's broken and you can't bare to dig with your hands. What would ruin the beauty of what so many dote on; the physical self. Compliments you vainly feed on as you lose complete sight of your self. Ask yourself 'what the fuck are you doing?' But all you excuse your fuck ups on is your complete lack of responsibility, soothing yourself, spilling 'oh well, I hate myself.' So pull the dirt back in, right back on yourself, lock yourself in, away from everyone else, just as you've pulled your self so far inward, letting your self be stabbed into a coma. What does it matter if your self is present when everyone takes what they want from you without peering through your beady eyes to you? Doesn't matter one fucking bit. Not in the slightest. The worms will keep you company, as they always have, you'll just lose sight of anything above you, anything that could pull you up and out, ascend you. You'll just be devoured by the worms, incessantly, always thinking 'God, I hope I'm always this pretty..."i'm going to make a political post later... i'm no longer so apathetic. my ethics and morality class changed that. but my views need tweaking by more experienced politically savvy people. | | | | | | Post | | | | | |

| Valentine's Day rant | | | | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | | | 12:35pm 06/02/2005 | | | | | mood: blah I don't know about anyone else, but I am just tired of turning on my TV and seeing a commercial for Zale's Diamond Valentine's Day sale or anything else related to the upcoming Hallmark holiday. The movie channels are playing nothing but chick flicks, and all I hear my friends talk about is what they are doing with their significant other for the special day. Yes my outlook on Valentine's Day is bitter and maybe a bit immiture, but I can't help but think about all my past failed relationships (resulting in a grand total of 2) and replaying the thought that I'll never find another one again over and over in my head every February the 14th. Is there a cure for this bitter state of mind I have about this holiday? Am I the only one who thinks this way? Most of my friends tell me to just go out on a date, and that will solve it. True it would solve all of my shallow and physical needs, but when looking for something real and lasting, a date or "fling" as they put it, is not going to solve anything that I am hoping to have fixed. Last year I spent Valentine's Day watching war movies and drinking (it was a holiday so there for an excuse), and it was not a good solution because I was still alone and still depressed, and left with a killer headache the next morning. Please help me out in any way possible minus alcohol, I am living at home and my parents won't let me drink, thanks. | | | | | | Read 4 - Post | | | | | |