Goals, plans, whatever you want to call it. (original) (raw)

Goals, plans, whatever you want to call it.	[Jan. 5th, 2012\|03:30 pm]Fall Together
At my last pdoc (psychiatrist) appointment, my doctor and I came up with some goals. They are: 1) exercise 3x a week, 2) eat 900 calories on the days I work out, 3) draw more (she knows I love art), and 4) cope with my parents/stress by disassociating. Example: when my mom is screaming at me or my parents are fighting, I am supposed to build a mental wall and tune it out. I've been doing everything but eating 900 calories. However, I went from eating 450 calories to eating 600 a day, regardless if I am working out or not. I'm losing weight, about a pound a day, and I was so sure that I would actually gain weight. I'm not doing heavy exercising, either. I'm doing 30 Day Shred, so it's about 20 minutes of exercise three times a week. My doctor did say that this is going to be a very slow process, medication and recovery wise. I'm on 25mg of Seroquel & 25mg of Lamictal, which I am upping to 50mg on Saturday per my docs instructions. I certainly feel more stable mentally. I am surprised my doctor told me to exercise. I know it's good for you, but I was under the impression that anorexics shouldn't be exercising but maybe that's only if you show signs of a low heart rate, are emaciated, etc. I'm a "healthy" anorexic. My heart is not small, my electrolytes aren't messed up, my heart rate is too high rather than too low (extremely high norepinpehrine levels), and my blood pressure is normal to high, depending. I think I got lucky, in a sense. I also know about nutrition so even though I'm still undereating, I'm getting lots of protein, fats, and good carbohydrates. Maybe that's preserving my muscles. I still meet the AN criteria because I am underweight, I can't accept being a normal weight, and I miss periods.I'm going on vacation soon and that's very triggering for me. I'll be in Orlando, Florida, which means wearing my bikini. However, since I've been exercising, I've come to realize that it's really not a matter of being thin, it's a matter of being toned. In my mind flab = fat, so my desire to keep losing weight is due to feeling flabby and disgusting. Exercise is helping with that. I don't loathe my body as much because I'm looking better. And I usually loathe exercise, but it really is helping my mental state.That said, I still have a looooong way to go and I'm always going to obsess about food and such, but I'm making the effort to get better.My advice to those who want to recover, but are afraid of gaining weight and getting fat is this:Remember that you are more than just a number. Your weight doesn't define you. You CAN change your body if you put in the time and effort. Increase calories SLOWLY. I think the reason people put on a lot of weight rapidly when recovering is because going from starving to a normal amount of calories is such a huge shock to the body. If you take your time, your body is going to get used to the calorie increase and you will not gain weight all of a sudden. Even if you only end up eating an extra 50 or a 100 calories a week, you're still doing something to improve your physical well being.Being forced to do something is only going to cause a relapse. If you do it on your own terms, you're more likely to succeed. That is what my pdoc has taught me.
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Goals, plans, whatever you want to call it.

[Jan. 5th, 2012|03:30 pm]Fall Together

At my last pdoc (psychiatrist) appointment, my doctor and I came up with some goals. They are: 1) exercise 3x a week, 2) eat 900 calories on the days I work out, 3) draw more (she knows I love art), and 4) cope with my parents/stress by disassociating. Example: when my mom is screaming at me or my parents are fighting, I am supposed to build a mental wall and tune it out. I've been doing everything but eating 900 calories. However, I went from eating 450 calories to eating 600 a day, regardless if I am working out or not. I'm losing weight, about a pound a day, and I was so sure that I would actually gain weight. I'm not doing heavy exercising, either. I'm doing 30 Day Shred, so it's about 20 minutes of exercise three times a week. My doctor did say that this is going to be a very slow process, medication and recovery wise. I'm on 25mg of Seroquel & 25mg of Lamictal, which I am upping to 50mg on Saturday per my docs instructions. I certainly feel more stable mentally. I am surprised my doctor told me to exercise. I know it's good for you, but I was under the impression that anorexics shouldn't be exercising but maybe that's only if you show signs of a low heart rate, are emaciated, etc. I'm a "healthy" anorexic. My heart is not small, my electrolytes aren't messed up, my heart rate is too high rather than too low (extremely high norepinpehrine levels), and my blood pressure is normal to high, depending. I think I got lucky, in a sense. I also know about nutrition so even though I'm still undereating, I'm getting lots of protein, fats, and good carbohydrates. Maybe that's preserving my muscles. I still meet the AN criteria because I am underweight, I can't accept being a normal weight, and I miss periods.I'm going on vacation soon and that's very triggering for me. I'll be in Orlando, Florida, which means wearing my bikini. However, since I've been exercising, I've come to realize that it's really not a matter of being thin, it's a matter of being toned. In my mind flab = fat, so my desire to keep losing weight is due to feeling flabby and disgusting. Exercise is helping with that. I don't loathe my body as much because I'm looking better. And I usually loathe exercise, but it really is helping my mental state.That said, I still have a looooong way to go and I'm always going to obsess about food and such, but I'm making the effort to get better.My advice to those who want to recover, but are afraid of gaining weight and getting fat is this:Remember that you are more than just a number. Your weight doesn't define you. You CAN change your body if you put in the time and effort. Increase calories SLOWLY. I think the reason people put on a lot of weight rapidly when recovering is because going from starving to a normal amount of calories is such a huge shock to the body. If you take your time, your body is going to get used to the calorie increase and you will not gain weight all of a sudden. Even if you only end up eating an extra 50 or a 100 calories a week, you're still doing something to improve your physical well being.Being forced to do something is only going to cause a relapse. If you do it on your own terms, you're more likely to succeed. That is what my pdoc has taught me.

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i ended up gaining about 2 lbs a week when i was very underweight when only eating an extra 100 a week xBack when I was eating 1,200 calories and exercising (pre-anorexia), I noticed I gained weight sometimes, or stayed the same. I started logging my food and I found out that I was eating mostly carbs and hardly anything else. It was super frustrating. Now I eat 33 percent carbs, 39 percent fat, and 28 percent protein. Sometimes it's really good to re-evaluate the kind of foods you're eating.Also, you were very underweight and malnourished. I am not. I know how to eat despite a low calorie intake. I don't fast, take laxatives, or take other drastic measures.At my lowest, my bmi was 17.2 so even then, I wasn't extremely underweight. Edited at 2012-01-05 09:01 pm (UTC) Ahhh yeah, that would be refeeding syndrome then. It happens when you're emaciated. Any increase in calories is a shock to the body when you're that starved. Ironically, it can also cause death. yeh i know that happened in animals a lot which have been starved and then rescued..."Now I eat 33 percent carbs, 39 percent fat, and 28 percent protein. Sometimes it's really good to re-evaluate the kind of foods you're eating."I know to be healthy, you're supposed to follow some percentage rule, but I find in order for me to do that, I have to log everything, look each thing up individually, etc. Does your doctor do the calculations for you? Or is there a much easier, non-detailistic way to do it? I can't get past any eat-better, workout, or celebrity gym guru diet plan because it always starts out with percentages and numbers make me crazy!I think my dad has caught on that I'm weight obsessed, but he still tells me to work out. It took a long time of myself telling my brain to shut up when I kept taking it as if he were saying I was fat, when in reality I know he just knows its the best way to counter my non-productivity and boost my mood when I'm in my depression/hermit intervals.I use fatsecret.com, it calculates the food percentages for you :)

Comments:

i ended up gaining about 2 lbs a week when i was very underweight when only eating an extra 100 a week xBack when I was eating 1,200 calories and exercising (pre-anorexia), I noticed I gained weight sometimes, or stayed the same. I started logging my food and I found out that I was eating mostly carbs and hardly anything else. It was super frustrating. Now I eat 33 percent carbs, 39 percent fat, and 28 percent protein. Sometimes it's really good to re-evaluate the kind of foods you're eating.Also, you were very underweight and malnourished. I am not. I know how to eat despite a low calorie intake. I don't fast, take laxatives, or take other drastic measures.At my lowest, my bmi was 17.2 so even then, I wasn't extremely underweight. Edited at 2012-01-05 09:01 pm (UTC) Ahhh yeah, that would be refeeding syndrome then. It happens when you're emaciated. Any increase in calories is a shock to the body when you're that starved. Ironically, it can also cause death. yeh i know that happened in animals a lot which have been starved and then rescued..."Now I eat 33 percent carbs, 39 percent fat, and 28 percent protein. Sometimes it's really good to re-evaluate the kind of foods you're eating."I know to be healthy, you're supposed to follow some percentage rule, but I find in order for me to do that, I have to log everything, look each thing up individually, etc. Does your doctor do the calculations for you? Or is there a much easier, non-detailistic way to do it? I can't get past any eat-better, workout, or celebrity gym guru diet plan because it always starts out with percentages and numbers make me crazy!I think my dad has caught on that I'm weight obsessed, but he still tells me to work out. It took a long time of myself telling my brain to shut up when I kept taking it as if he were saying I was fat, when in reality I know he just knows its the best way to counter my non-productivity and boost my mood when I'm in my depression/hermit intervals.I use fatsecret.com, it calculates the food percentages for you :)