WWN ~ Rita Skeeter Program, In Progress (original) (raw)

When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars.

~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911

Wednesday, November 22nd

One last delicious dish to share with you today, dear listeners.

After her sudden and mysterious disappearance a year ago, the delicate flower and socialite Pansy Parkinson has returned. One has to wonder what could have drawn her back.

Or who.

My sources tell me this perfect Pansy has been spreading her petals for not one but two of Hogsmeade's hunkiest catches. Men who were supposedly already off the market, at least as far as their girlfriend and fiance - yes, fiance - were probably concerned.

These two tasty testosterone packed men fought over her on Monday at the Phoenix according to eye witnesses. The photos are to die for. Not as gorgeous as the Streak, but still something to warm my -

RITA!

What? I was going to say heart. We can talk about warming something else later, Zeke, now run along. Rita's working.

Where was I?

Bill Weasley - who as we all remember is currently engaged to the sister of his former fiance, for the moment anyway - stormed into the Phoenix demanding to speak with the school founder and wizarding wunderkind, Harry Potter.

The topic?

Why, dear Pansy, of course.

The heated discussion quickly turned to blows and it's unclear just who won the fight - and the right to pursue Pansy? - as outside interference stepped in to separate the sparring men.

So how did the reportedly difficult diva manage to get her claws into two reclusive and "unavailable" men in such a short time? And how will the saucy lingerie shoppe owner and little tart baker react to their newest rival? Could this be the end of all those dreams of domestic bliss?

You'll be the first to know after Rita, darlings.