a personal story (original) (raw)

First of all, I believe people "create" their eating disorders when they are influenced by an exterior substance, i.e, friends, parents, siblings...

I began to invent my eating disorder when i was 7 years old. I had been a tall extremely thin child pre-7. When i was six my parents filed for divorce and my mom moved to a small town 15 miles away. I spend 1week with my mom and 1 week with my dad. I started to get some baby fat when i was 7, and I was already the tallest kid in my class, but I never really was picked on in school. My biggest issue was my father. I was never good enough for him, i was always too fat. And he always said, "its not about looks, i want you to be healthy" that was bullshit. So my dad stopped allowing me to eat, but then i'd go to my moms house and eat whatever i wanted. I developed an obsession with food after being deprived for a week. I would binge every day at my moms house and instantly gained so much weight. Then i moved to my moms house permenantly and I would only visit my dad on some weekends and by the sixth grade, i was around 5'5 and 140lbs. Thats when i started getting teased about my weight. My sixth grade year I had not a single friend and every day was hell for me. I began to hate my body with a passion and was desperate for some control in my life. I had learned from my father that restricting the intake of food (i was only 10 years old at this time) would cause me to lose weight. Since my mom was never home much, it was easy to get away with this. I managed to lose 15-20lbs in a couple of months. Ofcourse my mother noticed the weight loss, she blamed it on puberty. So when i visited my dad i was so excited because i thought he would recognized my weight loss. He told my that "I was still fat and was on my way to diabeties and other health related problems" So losing weight became even more of an obsession. Just to please my dad, well thats how it was at first. But I began to notice how much prettier i looked and i absolutely loved the sense of control. By 8th grade I was 5'8 and 100 lbs. This continues on until this day, where 3 yeas later, I live with my dad full time and see my mom a few times a year. Im currently 5'10 and 109lbs. and yes, my father still thinks im overweight. Anorexia has been my savior and my enemy over the years, and i often think about recovery. But ive accepted anorexia as part of me and i wouldnt be as whole without it. The truth is, the ones who are infested with this awful, depriving, sad wonderful helpful truthful disease, are just as human as the rest, and we deserve every amount of respect as someone without a mental or physical disease.

anways, thats all i have to say.

IF you read this all, thanks for your time

xoxo

faith