Does tech belong in our love lives? The IT behind + pros and cons of dating apps (original) (raw)

February 10, 2025, 7:22pm 1

In Spiceworks, IT professionals often discuss how to use tech to achieve business goals. But some have also used the Community to achieve personal relationship goals too.

Did you know that at least two couples have gotten married after meeting in the Spiceworks Community?

While romance isn’t the primary use case of Spiceworks, dating apps are a different story. Today, we’ll examine interesting statistics on technology’s role in helping people find love.

The technical side of dating apps

Running an app at that scale is a huge undertaking, and optimizations can greatly impact user experience. For more details on Tinder’s IT architecture and how a cloud platform migration improved performance by reducing latency, improving stability and scalability, and automating failover, check out this AWS blog post on Tinder’s switch from using AWS EC2 to ElastiCache.

Can technology actually help people find love?

To answer this question, we can turn to research on online dating from the Pew Research Center:

However, there are also problems with looking for love online. The same Pew study uncovered serious downsides to dating platforms, including cybersecurity threats. We know IT professionals are unlikely to fall for these scams, but less savvy users have lost significant amounts of money (i.e., the woman who lost $850K to a scammer posing as an AI deepfake Brad Pitt).

Additionally, the U.S. Federal Trade Commission reported in 2023 that losses to romance scams totaled 1.14billion,upfivefoldfrom1.14 billion, up fivefold from 1.14billion,upfivefoldfrom200 million in 2019. The most common lies scammers tell are that a sick family member needs money or that they can teach you how to “invest” your money.

Does online dating really work?

Now that we’ve weighed many pros and cons, is online dating tech actually adding value to the lives of those looking for love (i.e., does it really work)? These final statistics from the Pew study are telling.

What are your thoughts on the role of technology in our personal lives?

Let’s discuss in the comments!

tim-smith (Tim-Smith) February 10, 2025, 7:45pm 2

So first off: Tinder is a dating app?

I have formed platonic relationships via MMORGPs. I have never found love via an app or dating site. I have tried them and gone on dates, but I think the most dates I’ve been on with anyone I found on an app is 3. Does that mean I think apps don’t/can’t work? No. I just think they don’t have enough information. I mean seriously, 3-5 questions and some pics and the computer is supposed to know who would make a good match? That’s not a good way to find Miss Right; that’s a good way to find Miss Right Now. Make an LLM of me over a several month timespan to get a good range of my moods, then use that to find other LLMs that work together and send me those profiles.

“There may be a lot of fish in the sea, but until I catch one I’m just sitting here holding my rod.” :wink:

titusovermyer (Gorfmaster1) February 10, 2025, 7:47pm 3

Since the isolation that covid brought to the world still exists. I think the only way to meet people is using technology. While I grew up in a world where it was taboo to meet someone over the internet, it can be a way. I have made good friends by playing online games and hanging with them for years, I have never had a romantic relationship that way.
I believe that you can’t honestly know someone until you have spent some meaningful time around them. The internet has ways to simulate their best more often then when in person. This post alone I have read over to put my best foot forward before posting it. If you were in front of me, you would get my mostly raw, unfiltered thoughts. Obviously you want to meet someone in person before making that long term commitment, but your reach is significantly farther with the tools the internet provides. If I had to try finding someone today, I most likely would be single since I am not willing to “Put it out there”.

c-t (C-T) February 10, 2025, 7:56pm 4

I met my wife on an online dating app. I have also met other women out there in the real world that I previously dated. When it comes to finding someone, I don’t think it’s the app or the real world that makes the difference, it’s the person. Instant gratification has become prevalent in our society and two people that might be perfect for one another pass over each other cuz “that pic just wasn’t quite right” or some other stupid instant judgement made. Apps have made finding someone so much easier in the sense of exposure, but also so much harder because one cannot judge something as complicated as a human from a few pictures, an about me section, and an interest list.

thedatamaster (The Data Master) February 10, 2025, 8:07pm 5

If Discord counts, 1. Through online dating, 3 for dating apps, 1 for meetup.

I think it can, but only in the right hands. I’ve been single again for just over a year now and have tried every possible avenue to meet women.
During this time, I have watched hundreds of podcasts and learned a lot about dating, online dating, modern day dating, and other non-dating stuff that I do not want to create drama in here about.
The important takeaway from all of it is that the owner of most of the online dating apps now is the same and the person making the business decisions used to work for Zynga and is applying the same strategies. These apps are designed to keep you on because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t generate any revenue.

All that being said, I do believe it can work because again, I have made 3 successful relationships through apps and 1 even lead to an engagement. 2 of which were long term although I am 2 for 3 on longterm versus short-term when dating online versus meeting someone in person.

The algorithms work, but they just lead the horse to water. The horse has to want to drink and in the case of online dating… Not contaminate the water and ruin it for all others.

OscarOneEye (OscarOneEye) February 10, 2025, 9:51pm 6

I do not have any issues with technology playing a role in people meeting.

In the early 90’s one of my best friends met his current wife via IRC. He was Polynesian, living in an international dorm, attending Engineering school on his country’s dime. She was a local kid, living at home with her parents (who were both Dentists) attending Business school. The likelihood of them crossing paths in their normal lives was not very high. They are happily married today.

The main thing is that it transitions to in person.

gscott-uk (GScott-UK) February 11, 2025, 9:24am 8

Whilst not directly linked, its clear without technology i wouldn’t be with my partner
20ish years ago i had split with X was stopping back at my mothers until i got back on me feet, was on some very basic text only style mobile chatroom when i got talkig to a ‘lady’
Over the next few nights we had a few laughs on this basic forum/chat room (was on T-Mobile chat)
Then we agreed to meet up for weekend for some ‘fun’,- I travelled from Kent to Lancashire (about 6 hours on train) , i ended up only going home to get my stuff that was 20 years ago, (was only meant to be up there 2 nights!!!) married 8 years this year, I have 2 daughters (from her previous relationship) and a grand-daughter who i smile every time she calls me gramps!! :smiley:

So has technology been good for me, as a whole a resounding yes!

fr0thgar (Fr0thgar) February 11, 2025, 10:38am 9

I have never used a dating app as my wife and I started dating 4 years before Tinder was released :smile:
I do know however that great things can come from them, as my younger brother (by 9 years) met his now wife through Tinder.

I feel like dating apps have become the new norm for meeting potential new partners, instead of how it used to be.
I, for example, met my wife at a jewlers education and we had a circle of friends we went to the pub with and it organically evolved from there.

I realise this does not happen for everyone but I wanted to share my thoughts on my experience or lack thereof, with dating apps.

hope everyone have a lovely day 🌞

general-tsao (General Tsao) February 11, 2025, 1:09pm 10

Technology does not have a place in dating in my opinion. Look how many people (not just young people) who cannot find meaningful lasting relationships with others…People used to have to go out in public and MEET people, hone their communication skills, figure out how to get along with people…we’ve lost that, and that’s going to be devastating in the long run. Birth rates are plummeting across the globe…you don’t think that the increasing use of technology to meet people and date has something to do with that? We’re losing all of our social skills.

Now GET OFF MY LAWN KID!

noitforyou (NoITForYou) February 11, 2025, 1:26pm 11

I met my wife about 28 or 29 years ago - through the dating ads in the classifieds in the local independent newspaper. Where you placed the ad and then called and recorded a message, and if I liked your ad and wanted to hear and reply to your message I got to pay a couple dollars a minute or so.

It’s been almost 25 years now, so I guess it was money well spent. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

(If you’re curious (and I know you are) her written ad simply said “Life is good, life is great, all I need is a date.”)

I completely agree. I have found that even if you do see someone in the real world, they are on their phones. How many people are in their inbox?
I have no chance.
Dating apps used to work, I met my ex-wife on Yahoo Personals.
Well, it worked for a short period anyway.
I have 9 apps currently and have only met 1 person. Maybe I’m just ugly! :joy:

I get a lot of fake profiles on Facebook telling me how cool I am, but you know, the whole dating scammers thing… trying to cut down.

Erick_Garcia (Erick_Garcia) February 11, 2025, 2:26pm 15

I don’t trust in any dating apps! Fake profiles, scammers, idk…
I prefer casual, although I’m not good at that either lol

jameswalker20 (jameswalker20) February 11, 2025, 2:42pm 16

I have met and started multiple relationships online. Through BBSes, MUSHes, MUSEs, and Second life. Not sure I would ever use a dating app if I was single again.

Peter-Spiceworks (Peter (Spiceworks)) February 11, 2025, 2:58pm 17

For sure. I wrote an article highlighting how we’re becoming more socially isolated, and technology is a big factor. It’s very easy to exist totally online these days without having to learn people skills or even talk to a person face-to-face.

We recently moved to a community where everyone knows each other, where kids play outside every day and have a lot of safe common space to interact so they “work things out” with each other constantly. But that’s very rare in the U.S. because our houses are so far apart (which other people always comment on when they come over for play dates).

IMO, in the early days of the internet felt like a great place to meet people near you to eventually meet them in person, or to keep connected with people you already knew. I actually made a lot of friends in the early days of blogs, Flickr, Twitter, Yelp, and Instagram (2007ish-2012ish?). People actually had local meetups when things were small, and people were very friendly and open to meeting before everyone got on these platforms and it became a popularity contest with a lot of people shouting at each other. Now it feels a lot more transactional and less personal. People go online now to get a quick internet fix, but not to build relationships.

thedatamaster (The Data Master) February 11, 2025, 3:16pm 18

I had these exact thoughts and then I came to an interesting thought. People who met and married in the 80s and 90s are now getting divorced in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s and have children and whatnot. All these people met in person before technology was a major contributing factor and it seems that they waited until the kids were grown up and their careers were filled out and now poof time to go on the hunt again. Only contradiction to this is that the technology now exists so maybe it is the curiosity of something new and a bigger dating pool (due to online dating and technology) that is leading to divorce.

Yes. That is exactly how I see it these days. I really want to travel back in time to those early days of the internet. Online dating was fun and exciting. I used Hot or Not to meet a few people. Who remembers that service?

Suzanne-Spiceworks (Suzanne (Spiceworks)) Split this topic February 11, 2025, 3:48pm 20

A post was split to a new topic: We’ve Got it All Wrong

mariale-pulseway (Mariale (Pulseway)) February 11, 2025, 3:58pm 21

OMG I had no idea Spiceworks couples were a thing. Congratulations to the happy pairs! Maybe a product spinoff is in order? I mean, it already has “spice” in the name, might as well embrace it 🤷‍♀️

Anyhow, I’ve met some incredible people online over the years but you definitely have to be careful where and how you meet them. A little common sense goes a long way to avoid getting scammed. Like am I the only one permanently traumatized by MTV’s Catfish? That said, a lot of my friends in long-term relationships actually met through dating apps so clearly it works for some people!

DrDeany (DrDeany) February 11, 2025, 4:17pm 22

I met my wife over 35 years ago in church.
But we have made friends through technology. Usually through Facebook meet-ups with other people who have similar interests.