Neva eva, eva, eva, eva, eva, git on muh leva -- hoe what? (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	crazy	]

By bRad
GHETTO TIMES STAFF WRITER

Flint – Milan, Italy: Home of the Fashion World. But now people across the world, patrons of the universe, bums of Flint, listen up! Milan is now also the home of – you guessed it, Tara Ann Eason.
Why is that, you say? Well we all know her famous clothing line Ghettocrombie&Bitch, which was underground for quite some time. But now, Ms. Eason with the help of her bootylicious style has romped into Milan, Italy – taken over – and demands respect.
“It’s completely fascinating. I can’t wait to wear her clothes and make the girls on my show wear them. She’s brilliant.” Tyra Banks gushed to ET. Other models like Janice Dickenson, Naomi Campbell, Molly Sims and Gisele Bünchen (who starred in three of Eason’s Ghetto Warrior cult classics) have all praised Eason’s clothing line.
But of course, there are the naysayers. As Eason was prepping for her joint show with Calvin Klein, Prada, and Dolce&Gabbana, some designers and Celebs confided in talking smack about Ms. Eason.
“She just doesn’t really get it.” The president of Gucci said, “This is a place for high class, not classy jersey dresses.”
Janet Jackson, a long time Eason hater, added, “Her clothes make mine and Michael’s noses like smaller than they already are. It’s depressing.”
But to the rescue came Missy Elliot. “All you bitches need to stop talking about my girl Muffet. She is doing her shit, she doing it good too. So back off it.”
In other news, Eason is debuting a new reality show called, “Dancing with the Hoochies,” a parody show of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars.” The show will be on UPN no less, and will have famous black actors, rappers, singers, and personalities dancing with eachother, not with professionals. The pairs go as follows:
1. Snoop Dogg & Ciara.
2. Beyonce & Quddus of TRL.
3. Heidi Klum & Seal.
4. Usher & Tyra Banks.
5. Diddy & Pepa.
6. Jermaine Dupri & Fergie.
7. Bernie Mac & Jojo.

Already, critics are buzzing about the reality show, bypassing the fact that it’s a blatant rip-off.
“People steal ideas everyday,” Eason said, “Look at all the rip-offs of American Idol and America’s Next Top Model! Mine will be just as good as ABC’s, maybe better.”

NANNYGATE-- The Wackiness Behind Jude Law's Crazy Affair's.

Sienna's Pregnant with Jude's Baby! That dirty dog! As if the Jude Law "Nannygate" drama couldn't get any more outrageous, multiple news outlets are reporting that his estranged fiancé, Sienna Miller, is p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t! According to the Star, the couple gathered friends and family together last month to announce See was nine-weeks pregnant. Days later, the mom-to-be opened the Sunday Mirror to read – in full detail – about Jude's sexual encounters with his children's 26-year-old nanny, Daisy Wright. The story also reveals that while Jude was married to his first wife, Sadie Frost, he cheated on her with no less than six different women – from A-list actresses (Nicole Kidman?) to a lap dancer. Classy fella! What does the future hold for the estranged couple? Well, last week the paparazzi photographed the "puffy-eyed" cheater leaving See's mother's house, where she's been staying since Nannygate broke. Apparently, Jude had spent the night.
Unbelievable! And although girls gripe that it's hard to find a good man, I think it's safe to say it's even harder to find a good man in Hollywood. So today we're officially putting Jude Law in the dirty doghouse.

And his pool table is for sale...
Not too much surprises us, so when we were sent this eBay listing for the pool table on which Jude Law seduced his nanny, we gasped. Tacky, tacky, tacky! The seller, who set a starting bid of $2,800, claims the table was "the one and only table that was rented by Jude Law's representative and installed in the private home rented for Mr. Law while filming the movie in New Orleans." The actor, who was engaged to Sienna Miller, was caught up in a sex scandal after admitting to having an affair with Daisy Wright, the nanny to his children. Daisy claimed that she had sex with Law on a pool table in the house he was staying in New Orleans. The listing also promises that the original cloth on the table will be included in the sale and a new cloth will be included at no additional charge. We apologize to anyone eating right now.

Conan takes a shot...
"Jude Law has publicly apologized to his fiancé for sleeping with his children's nanny. Afterwards, Law said, 'I guess I really have been in everything this year.'"
--Conan O'Brien, on his show, poking fun at the ongoing Jude Law "Nannygate" drama.

Insider ---
He's deeply in debt, so he's dishing -- for a whopping $2 million. Michael Jackson is giving his first post-trial interview to the new U.S. version of Britain's OK! magazine. Jacko, who is now living in Bahrain with his three poor, poor children, has given an exclusive interview and pictorial spread to the new weekly. Though the magazine's inaugural issue hits stands today – Jessica Simpson is the covergirl (of course!) – Jacko's interview will reportedly run next week because a deal wasn't worked out in time. A source says Jacko was given full approval over the interview and the questions are very light and fluffy – like all the stuffed animals he probably has arranged on his bed hoping to lure those little boys in. How do you feel about Jackson?