The Happy Hunter's Journal (original) (raw)

12:36a

Losing my obsessions... Writing a journal freaks me out because it is a physical manifestation of time sneaking away from me and picking my pockets. I'm the same way with calling friends.It's so hard to pick up the damn phone and call. I hate using the phone, it seems like a waste when I should hunt down these people and talk to them face to face. Everyone is so far away.

But tonight, I attempt to stone a few obsessions to death, beginning with my journal phobia.

My obsession with the past pisses me off to the point of wanting amnesia. It starts off with anger, which fades more and more after the grand finale of the experience, and then dulls to a sorrow and a questioning and oftentimes pity for whoever wronged me, justly or not. I want to be able to only remember the good! Why is it so hard?

My friend Theo's family just bought a horse. An appaloosa (my favourite) and a month ago my other friend bought yet another horse. And I am trying to be happy for everybody (I'm excited for Theo cause I get to teach him how to ride) and not feel sorry for myself. And I think I'm succeeding. I'm ferreting out the possibility of a part-lease on a horse. Yay. This is a new strategy I want to employ, if there's a problem- solve it. Seems simple enough.

I've been wrestling more and more with the medical school route. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. LOL, or if I want to grow up just yet. I want freedom, travel, enough money, being able to help people... I don't know if physician is right for me. I think I'd actually like being a rural doctor, and I bllody well would make housecalls! But I don't know if I could handle the stress. I know many of the people I knew growing up who wanted to be md's were doing it for the power, prestige,money, and then there were the few who genuinely wanted to help people (Like Ania! I'm so proud of you!). Regarding the prestige...I can't understand it. YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB! Even if you are stuck spending a lot of time at it, lol.

I made it out to Maybury State Park today with Mike. We took the Dogs and Boris enjoyed jumping over any log, bench, picnic table he saw, and then barking at them afterwards. He tried to chew on a sapling when he crashed into after jumping a fallen oak. Misha threw up in the car, and thoroughly disgusted Boris who tried to stay far away from. It's ironic, on Boris's first car ride he vomited all over the back seat and then decided to eat it. Ah puppies. Lovely creatures. The two of them are now burrowed under the back porch in their makeshift den. They are the backyard trolls and now respond when I call "Trolls, here trolls"

The Oscar fish didn't fight as much today, Ozzy has been kicking Sharon's ass lately, odd since Sharon wears the pants. The little brats ripped up their plants again, ah the joys of intelligent fish. Ozzy is looking at me now, wanting more food.Now he's banging on the lid of his tank with his nose, and I'd better weight the tank cover down again or he's like to jump out again! Last time the poor guy laid on the floor, gasping, smart enough not to flop as I picked him up with a dustpan. I swear if he had expressions, the one that day was "That was not smart".

That's that. If anyone has advice on banishing one's past, do hand it on!

Current Mood: accomplished