death by desire; we're sexual deviants, get over it. (original) (raw)

Hi,
I am not sure if my post is on topic, but the strictures of this community seemed fairly open. If there is another community this post would be more suited to, by all means point me in their direction. (I introduced myself at celibatewhores, as well, which is probably a better match. But if I'm welcome here, I'd be happy to be part.)

I am a 20 year old, male. Recently I've become interested in becoming romantically abstinent. This, for me, means not seeking out partners any more. There are a couple of reasons for this.

One, sex has occupied too big of a place in my life to date. This isn't to say I don't like sex, but that it has become too powerful of a force in my life.
Two, I am not sure that I want a romantic partner. I don't really feel the need for one, and I know that I don't want to need another person. I've needed someone before, and it wasn't good.
Three, I've spent too much time trying to get a partner or playing mind games with them or myself to try and retain them. This takes up my energy and it's ugly.

I decided to not seek partners anymore and this means, for me, discontinuing contact with a couple of people who I spoke to for no other reason than to hopefully sleep with them or seduce them. I don't want them to be offended, and I don't want to play around with their feelings; I want to be able to say it straight up. There's also one person who I have liked a lot in the past who is now interested in me. I don't know what to do about this person; I don't feel like I need anyone, and I'm not the same as I was when we first met. But I don't know if I should just say no to him. It really appeals to me to be romantically abstinent and develop other areas of my person, but it also scares me and I wonder if I can do it. I'm finding it harder than expected.

I am also wondering about the issue of masturbation. I am not sure if I should or shouldn't do it. I don't really like it, but I do it pretty often. I don't feel entirely positive about the experience 90-95% of the time, and I don't like the way it affects me. I don't know if I can get by without masturbation, though. Even when I don't mean to do it, I end up doing it almost by accident.

I'm not planning on being romantically abstinent for ever, neccessarily, just until I get that portion of myself in its proper place (the back burner).

So anyway, that is my sort of intro post. If anyone has any advice or pointers that would be great. Also, if you know of any websites that are not moralizing or Evangelical, please comment with links, and even better if they are from a Toltec or Buddhist perspective. Thank you in advance!