The Life of a Nerd Girl (original) (raw)
So...
August 5th, 2012 (01:17 am)
Attitude: devious
Astrology Fun
July 11th, 2012 (09:34 pm)
Attitude: amused
Name: catya December 22 1982 7:30 AM Time Zone is MST Washington, UT
Rising Sign is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius
You are known for being open, frank, outgoing and honest. At times, though, you are also blunt and quite indiscreet. Others have to learn not to take everything you say personally, because you usually do not mean any harm. You appreciate living your life in a straightforward and simple manner -- you dislike social niceties and consider them to be hindrances to real communication. You have lots and lots of energy and tend to become quite restless if you feel confined. You demand the freedom to do as you choose -- you must be self- directed or you feel trapped and anxious. With your abundant energy, you enjoy being outdoors, and you should be attracted to physical exercise or to those forms of sport which can help you burn off some of that excess energy. Very gregarious, you love to socialize -- your innate enthusiasm livens up any gathering.
Sun is in 00 Degrees Capricorn.
Extremely serious and mature, you are capable of accepting responsibilities and do so willingly. Others expect you to be dutiful as a matter of course. You tend to get angry when people get rewards after not having worked anywhere near as hard as you. You are goal-oriented and an achiever by nature -- you're a hard worker and are justifiably proud of the tangible results of your efforts. You tend to have "tunnel-vision" -- this allows you to block out extraneous matters that might distract others and to concentrate totally on the matter at hand. As such, you are the ideal one to manage or administrate any ongoing project and to be practical and efficient at it. You are not a fast worker, but you are quite thorough. You are known for being totally persistent, tenacious and tireless in reaching your goals.
Moon is in 19 Degrees Pisces.
You have strong feelings and are extremely sensitive. It would help if you had a thicker skin -- you tend to react emotionally to every situation you come across. Kind, gentle and considerate of the feelings of others, you are good at taking care of the sick, wounded and helpless. But you tend to absorb the energy of others -- so avoid those who are always negative. You have a rich, creative and lively imagination, but you should be careful not to spend all your time daydreaming. Very intuitive, you have good ESP and may be quite clairvoyant or psychic. Remember that you too have the right to get what you want from life. If you are always defensive and kowtowing to others, people will take advantage of you and exploit you.
Mercury is in 17 Degrees Capricorn.
You are a careful thinker, very cautious and conservative. You are quite skillful at organizing, directing and planning activities. Practical and useful things interest you -- you are not attracted to abstract thoughts or ideas. With your tendency to be highly focused and very goal-oriented, you have a good head for business. But beware of a tendency to be narrow-minded and dogmatic. Your sense of humor tends toward being earthy and slapstick crude.
Venus is in 12 Degrees Capricorn.
You tend to keep your feelings under control -- emotions are only released in serious or important situations. You are distrustful of others whose behavior could be judged excessive or immoderate. As such, you prefer to relate only to those who are older than you or to those whose position is such that respect and duty are more important for both of you than passion or emotional response. Be careful, however, of relationships that are merely based on practicality or utility or you will ultimately be lonely.
Mars is in 09 Degrees Aquarius.
Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause!
Jupiter is in 29 Degrees Scorpio.
You love to dig deep beneath surface appearances in order to find out what is really happening. A persistent researcher, you are very interested in the psychology of any situation. You tend to become overwhelmed by the complexity of what you uncover, however, and that makes you a bit gun-shy about explaining things to others. But you must learn to try to communicate as best you can because what you know is really very valuable to others.
Saturn is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released -- your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.
Uranus is in 06 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."
Pluto is in 29 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.
N. Node is in 04 Degrees Cancer.
You genuinely enjoy meeting other people, but you're at your best if you can do so from the comfort of your own home. You prefer others to come to you and tend to feel uncomfortable about leaving your home or neighborhood for any extended period of time. Those who do come in contact with you are struck by your caring and obliging nature -- you really make them feel at home. You form the closest ties, however, with members of your immediate family, especially your parents and children. You're at your best attending or organizing family reunions!
Help a Girl Out
April 30th, 2012 (08:25 pm)
Attitude: hopeful
Be a Wolf not a Sheep
February 25th, 2012 (11:42 pm)
Attitude: annoyed
Soundtrack: Nobody's Listening- Linkin Park
I guess its rant time again; time to share a huge pet-peeve of mine, the lack of originality in the world today. Most everyone is always doing what everyone else is doing, trying to be like so and so and copying this person or that person be they famous or not. I wonder how many people look in the mirror now days and even recognize the person staring back at them.
Imitation is no longer the sincerest form of flattery, it’s frankly become redundant and over done like a fake bake tan. You see a group of girls together anymore and you’re left wondering if they’re related somehow, all guys look the same there’s no variety anymore within the male gender. It’s all about looking and being like someone else to be our best because us being just ourselves isn’t good enough.
The term role model has been twisted and misused so much now that it doesn’t mean the same thing is used to. Once a role model was someone you admired, but you didn’t try to pattern your own life after theirs, you didn’t wake up every morning going what would this person do, what you did do is by their examples try to make yourself a better person, it was relating to that person, not becoming them. But now having a role model means you dress like they do, act like them, talk like them and basically become them and lose your own self… because why be you? Hardly anyone else in this world is themselves after all. Stupid trends.
Yes, I partly blame trends for all of this. Granted some trends I myself have fallen prey too, I’m posting this on one of many of them now. But I haven’t lost myself, who I am my own identity in them… this may be because at one time I didn’t have a clue who I was, but I figured it out without looking to other people to find it. I know why I like the things I do, why I do what I do, say what I say, wear what I wear and so on. Why? Because I like them and not because anyone else does, sure I’ve been introduced to things such as music and movies by friends, but I didn’t end up liking these things because my friends did first, I liked them because they appealed to me, spoke to me. I wonder how many people in the world can say this of the things they like.
Then you have those who like things or do things to try to make themselves superior to everyone else, especially to the other people who like said things. “I’m the bigger fan of this group or that celebrity than anyone else”, or the “I practically stalk them so I’m like so their best friend” or the “I know absolutely positively everything about them! Even their favorite color of socks and shoe size!” and the “I’ve collected everything from this movie, I’ve even got the toilet paper roll that so and so got toilet paper from to wipe their ass with on set!”(There’s a line between collecting and obsession). We all know these types, we’ve seen them at their so called finest. Instead of going crazy and joining in the insane mania and learning everything about these people, groups, movies and so on why not put such dedication to something useful like a career, school or a hobby… one that ten hundred or so other people aren’t doing. Be fixated on things that will further you, make you better as you.
All in all I guess what I’m trying to say is try to be your own person, don’t get caught up in fads, don’t be afraid to like something other people around you don’t and DO NOT be afraid to not like something everyone else does and don’t let yourself become pressured to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m lucky, the majority of the people I associate with have a clear vision of who they are, why and what makes them tick. They think things through before they do them and don’t make fools out of themselves. If you don’t have people like that in your life, well then get some and lose the people who are making you act like all the things I just ranted about… unless of course you like being a sheep then by all means continue on… but just stay far, far away from me; I’m a wolf.
There's a Book of Revelations in Everyone's Life
December 21st, 2011 (09:37 pm)
Attitude: anxious
Soundtrack: A Thousand Years- Christina Perri
Another year come and gone and I doubt I’m any wiser, I’ll be older yes, but this life is still one full of learning for me and I’m sure it always will be. This year hasn’t been the best, nor the easiest, but like always I’ve survived, trudged onward and gained a few new scars here and there. I lost my Grandmother this year, one more person I’m now without in a matter of speaking. Soon others will follow as time moves on and I’ll have to confront my biggest fear… loneliness. But I’m not going to think about that now, maybe tomorrow as one of my favorite fictional characters says.
I’m going to do my best not to be depressing in this entry, my usual birthday entry; maybe I’ll even keep it short this year (doubtful). I think the thing I’ve reflected on the most is mistakes I’ve made in the past and regretting them, and wondering if I had acted differently or made different choices where I’d be now… happier? Better off? Worse off? I keep hoping I can make up for my mistakes, for the wrongs I’ve done to others and for my silly stubborn ways of my youth. If there was only some way I could take back some of the insipid remarks, gestures and moves I’ve made towards some… one person in particular, if only I had been smart enough to not push away and be ridiculous wanting some sort of sweeping story book romance. In that department I think I’ve finally grown up… and okay I’ll be honest, sweeping, dark and trouble romance, I never really have been the story book, Disney romance type. But yeah, it’s time to be sensible about such things, IF they ever happen. To quote another favorite fictional character of mine, I don’t want diamond sunbursts or marble halls.
I’m turning twenty-nine and it’s high time I put away all sort of frivolousness and begin to live more often in the grown up world. This is not me saying I’m giving up on hobbies and favorite past times that too many would see as juvenile, there are some things I’m sure I will die doing (collecting comic books and all manners of other geeky things), but there are other things that in time must find their place on a shelf to be treasured and collect dust.
A long time ago I used to think I had to be different to prove some point that I was, but now I realize I do these things because I enjoy them and because all in all it was the person I was to begin with. I just spent too much time trying to be people and things I never was in the first place. But I’ve got who I am down, finally I think. I know what I like, what I want, what I enjoy, what makes me happy, and what doesn’t do any of those things. There are of course still a few bugs and kinks to work out, but all in all I think I’ve got the system of Me down.
All in all as the title of this entry says, there is a book of Revelations in everyone’s life and this year was mine.
Do Something for Someone Else
December 5th, 2011 (11:57 pm)
Attitude: hopeful
Help me give the gift of light to a family in Haiti. Support Power the World and learn more here:
This Christmas give someone the gift of light!
And The Sun Will Set for You
November 21st, 2011 (02:57 pm)
Attitude: okay
Soundtrack: Shadow of the Day- Linkin Park
I guess I’ve been putting this entry off long enough… using excuses on how to word things, say what I want to say and all that.
I’ll just get right to it; the last three weeks have, well, sucked. They have, they weren’t easy and this week will be no different. But that’s life, full of challenges both good and bad. As most of you are aware my Grandmother suffered a fatal health step back the last week of October, suffering two strokes at home, then two in the hospital and a final one back at home, three days after the final one she finally passed from this existence, the night before this was like something I cannot even describe or compare to anything else. She suffered and so did we knowing there was nothing we could do but just make her comfortable until she took that last breath, which she did around seven ten am on November ninth, a Wednesday. Had she hung on for a minute later she would’ve passed on seven eleven which was hers and my Grandfather’s anniversary.
Because of family coming in, we waited a week before we laid her to rest, well a week and a day. That day wasn’t easy, it was the first funeral I have sung at… and the first time I’ve had to push myself to my physical limitations musically since I decided to begin coming down with an awful cold that day, which I’m still recovering from now and hoping that I haven’t permanently damaged my voice… if so it was worth it, to sing one last time for her a song I doubt I will ever sing again, at least alone or for anything special.
It’s strange because in all truth, I’m not sad. I’m relieved, happy she isn’t suffering, glad that after twenty three years she’s with my Grandpa again and also with the six year old son she had been without for even longer as well as friends and other family who passed long before she did. I’m sure when she got to the other side it was quite the reunion. My Dad keeps saying the house feels strange now, like there’s a void… but I don’t feel that, she’s really not that far away, she’s gone but not really. The void is only there if you let it be.
A family friend told me I’d get angry at her for leaving; I said that was doubtful… I’m happy for her, I can’t be angry when she’s where she wants to be. I love her and I know just like with my Grandpa all it takes is a prayer to say hello, it’s really no different than picking up the phone or texting someone on my cell. And I’m not five years old this time, I understand things much better a lot better and sure at times I will be sad, but that’s just my human nature, spiritually I know exactly where she is, what she’s doing and that I’ll see her and others again when my time comes. Death isn’t easy, but it’s a part of life.
Worst Fear
October 28th, 2011 (07:55 am)
Attitude: sad
My Grandma isn’t long for this world; at the beginning of the week she suffered a fall… which we have found out was the result of a minor stroke. Since her fall she has been in the Hospital and she was doing really well Wednesday, but at some point during the night she suffered a major stroke and any time now the phone is going to ring and it will be my Mom telling me she’s gone and she’ll be one more person to leave me as selfish as that sounds. This morning I had an epiphany of sorts… I know what my biggest fear is, to be alone. To die alone, because as each member of my family goes that’s going to be end result unless for some unknown reason I depart before them.
I’m not married, I have no siblings… I have family, but they’re not my family if that makes sense. I have friends, but again they’re not family and friends like it or not come and go. This whole think just scares me, I’m not sad or upset she’s going to die… she needs to go home, but it’s just that’s one more person that’s going to leave me, and before I know it my Mom and Dad will go, my Aunt and my Uncle and it’ll just be me and that scares me to death.
CD Review Time
October 12th, 2011 (06:55 pm)
Attitude: good
Soundtrack: My Heart is Broken- Evanescence
Alright, my review on the new self titled cd from Evanescence. It’s good, not great, but good. It’s solid, I like it... I don't love it. I do love some of the songs but not all of them, most of them sound too much alike, but I like the departure from the previous cds, I love the hardness of it. All in all I'll give it three and a half stars... I want to give it a full four, but it seems a little bias and not fully honest.
Let me explain why.
To me it feels like it they held back on it, there’s a something almost safe to it, but in some songs you can feel that desire to push further, the need to break the restraints. I’m not talking in terms of things like controversy or boundaries but in terms of the technical aspects and the music. There is a lot of potential in this cd, it gives hope for the further efforts made by the band and it has more direction to it than their two previous CDs, but again like them this is a CD of songs and not an album. Bias as it may sound but if you want to hear what an album should sound like; listen to Linkin Park’s A Thousand Suns.
I compare this CD to a flower that can’t fully bloom, you know there’s always that one in the bouquet that is half way there but didn’t make it before it was cut? That is the status of it, not fully bloomed, but there has been progress. I’m curious to see what Amy and the guys will do next.
Things I like about this cd are the hardness, the edge of it, the guitar work and the lyrics. I also like the fact it reminds me of Heart (if you don’t know who that is, remedy it. They were one of the groups to pave the way for female rockers.), Amy’s voice is very much in league with Heart’s lead singer, Ann Wilson.
What I don’t like is the similarity of most of the songs, the lack of the haunting melodies that Evanescence is known for, and the lack of slower songs (there’s only two).
This is a good addition to your collection if you’re a fan of the band, it’s not a bad effort. But when you listen to it, load it onto your Itunes and hit shuffle first, it gives it a hint of variety that the set track list doesn’t.
The Last Rose
October 12th, 2011 (04:34 pm)
Attitude: crushed
Soundtrack: In Joy and Sorrow- HIM (string version)
She sees you
She’s been there all this time
When all others have turned and left
But you can’t see her, have you ever
There’s a quiet hope in her eyes
And disappointment across her face
Time and time again you’ve turned her away
How many more times until you finally see…
Until you understand she’s the last rose left
You’ve picked all the others, but all they gave you are thorns
She wants you to take her home, but you pass by
Winter is coming soon, the first frost, bittersweet death
Will you save her from the storm
This lonely last rose
Her petals are drooping, vivid red fading
She watches, waiting for her time to come
But all you can do is look the other way
But still she waits for the day she knows will never come
The days grow shorter, the nights drag on
The wind blows colder and summer is gone
The killing frost is coming, coming to take her away
Why won’t you save her
This lonely last rose
Her petals have begun to fall
It’s too late now…
You and you alone have condemned her to her fate
There is no more last rose to have and to hold
She’s gone now, petals dancing on the winter wind