AD&D Second and Third Edition Humorous Convos' Journal (original) (raw)

These quotes were taken from the D&D campaigns over the last quarter that I've been in. I've played Zaq who is a drow male, Gideon who was a blind figher elf male, and
the Nixie whose name I've forgotten at the moment (also male). Tralon is played by my friend Jim (Drow male), and Liz played Kade who is a halfling male. I know you already saw some of them, but I sorta got a bunch of them mixed up and didn't have the time to search through and find the ones I already posted, so here they are in all their geekyness (some of them AGAIN). Enjoy!

Tralon: "That feels like hot nakedness!"

DM: "You just stuck your head up the etherial vagina of the abyss."

DM: "Your spider just came out."
Zaq: "It's a PINK spider now!"

Zaq: "Mommy, girls have pretty boobies!"
-This is after being "Flash-fried" in an Elistrae purifying ritual.-

Tralon: "You're a bitch, she's still alive, and if you do that again, I'm going to kill you."

Tralon: "I just saved the barron's daughter, and you thank me with an insult? You're a dick."

DM: "You come to a fork in the road."
Zaq: "You take the high road and I'll take the low road?"
Kade: "And I'll get to Scottland before ye?"
Zaq: "What's Scottland?"

Zaq: "I'll save you baby!"
Tralon: "That's my wife!"
Zaq: "...I'll save you baby!"

Kade: "Bite me!"
Zaq: *GLARE*
Kade: "Don't bite me!"

DM: "A Cleric of Corelen Lorethien comes up to the stiffened drow..."
*The phone rings with music*
Zaq: "And does the healing dance!"

Tralon: "What the hell?!"
Kade: "Sex! Big boobs! Buck teeth!"

DM: "There's a hole big enough for a halfling."
Kade: "I get in the hole... Wait... that's what got me into trouble in the first place!"

DM: "You hear a blood-curdling scream. EEEEAAAAAAAAGGHHH*BURP!*"

DM: "You see a whole line of orcs."
*Phone rings with a tune*
Zaq: "Great, now all I can think of is a whole line of orcs singing and dancing!"

Kade: "I rode a dog once!"
Tralon: "Yeah, Her Majesty."

Tralon: "Don't freak out, man!"
Kade: "I'm freaking out, man! I'M FREAKING OUT!!"

Kade: "Tralon is screaming 'My Anus Is Bleeding!'"

Kade: "I'm going to go up to the Gnoll and go 'BOO!'"
DM: "The gnoll botched. You scared the shit of him. He runs ten feet into the forest and slams into a tree and dies."

DM (speaking out of game): "There's no way I'd be saying that IN, stupid!"

DM: "Just say NO to Drow."

DM: "You find a ring with elvin writing on it."
Zaq: "One Ring to Rule them ALL!"

Kade (to pretty NPC): "You could ride me!"
Zaq: "You're too buisy riding other things!"
Tralon: "Like the Queen!"
Zaq: "You mean 'Empress.'"

DM: "...It's an awkward silence."
Tralon: "I don't like this."
Zaq: "Makes me feel awkward."

*Trying to hide from Howlers, Zaq whiffs two hide checks and botches the last.*
Kade: "Why do you suck?!"
Zaq: "Because I'm gaaaaay!!"
*There were already several jokes about Zaq being gay.*

Kade: "I'm going to take my short sword and go down on...that did NOT sound right."

Zaq: "Tell them that we're friends so they don't kill us with sticks."

DM: "You enter the city of Corellen Lorethien."
Zaq: "I put on my Raybans."

DM as NPC: "Come, we will dress your wounds at the inn."
Zaq (whispering to Tralon): "THEY'RE GONNA TOUCH US!"

DM as NPC: "We have quarters for you."
Kade: "Do you have nickles?"
Zaq: "I can do my laundry now!"
*The NPC meant Quarters to stay in of course.*

Zaq (disoriented): "Uh... lunch?"
Kade: "F*** off!"
Zaq: "What are you doing in my bed?!"
Kade: "You're in MY bed!"
Zaq: "Wow... I AM gay!"

DM: "He puts his hand on the crank."
*Dramatic pause...then everyone snickers.*

Kade: "I have knowlege Nobility and Royalty!"
Zaq: YEAH ya do!"
Kade: "Shut up!"

Nixie: "Fire! I gotta have some kind of immunity to that!"
DM: "Dark fire?"
Nixie: "Oh... cheater!"

Nixie: "Wow I feel so much -AH! TREE!"

DM: "Welcome to Greenshire!"
Gideon: "I like swords!"

Kade: "Someone get me a phone book!"

DM: She's as ditzy as any blonde-eyed...wait..."

Kade: "Nobody suspects a Moridan Inquisition!"

DM's new words:
"Chaoticness" - as apposed to just plain Chaos.
"Mercifulless" - When merciless just isn't good enough.

More fun to come later. Hope you enjoyed!

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