The Downward Spiral (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	discontent	]

i've been so disturbed for so long that i think, move, & act slowly & reluctantly when i do almost anything. my "parents" keep harassing me about getting a job. they act like my existence is not justified just b/c i don't have one, & they treat me like a machine. my "parents" are condescending & calloused.

when i was younger, they would not let me do regular social activities. as a result, i never developed adequate social skills. sometimes even strangers that i come across for the first time become confident that they can pick on me & get away with it (& usually, they do get away with it). my social skills are so awful as to prevent my employment. & why don't i have social skills? b/c of my parents. so how could they blame me for being unemployed?

very rarely does anyone voluntarily contact me. exaggeration: i feel like everyone has friends except me.

over the holidays, i get pretty disturbed - last time, i called a teen crisis hotline. i'm afraid that that, or something more severe, will occur again.

upcoming holiday loneliness terrifies me.