stranger on a strange road's Journal (original) (raw)

Saturday, April 13th, 2013

Long long time since I posted I just popped in after randomly looking through my old post on DP/DR/Anxiety on my own LJ and it has been a long time since any of that made a problem in my life. At times I still have odd feelings pop up but I don't really think about them as connection to DP/DR anymore. Most of the time I just think that my anxiety is acting up due to stress and and shrug it off and go on with my life.

Anyway just dropped by and hope that anyone that fallow the comm or might come across it is doing well and knows that they are free to post and or message me still.

Better days and hope my friends.

Current Mood: tired night owl

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

2:07 am
[grlinheadphones]

Hey peeps just checking in with you all I've not been back in here for quiet some time and have not really thought about this community much at all. I think that is a good thing and a point that everyone should strive for. It reminds me of something Paul David's (of the site Anxiety no More) posted. That he wants all his readers and followers to forget about his site and never feel the need to come back. At first that seems really odd when you think about it but honestly it is just saying that he wants you well and able to move on past this stuff.

A great reason that I have not been back and around this comm is that I have more or less moved on and left the majority of my symptoms in the dust. No doubt that understanding of my condition and help from a great doctor and very simple anxiety meds slowly brought me back to who I was... No who I wanted to be. I think anyone that has been in a horrible spot whether it is a medical condition or something else gleams a bit of life helping education from it and becomes just a bit of a better person when they travel out the other side or stabilize their condition. Like they say what does not kill us make us stronger. Cheesy but true.

Anyway I feel like I've jumped my share of hurtles with this/these conditions and most days other then taking my meds in the morning and night I think little of it. Sometimes something pops in and gives my head a lil kick but pushing it aside I ignore it and move on. For example me and my siblings have a road trip each year. This year we went swimming at a local lake. While wading into the water for the second time for another swim the look of the lake bed beneath my feet and the water around b=me gave me that odd freaked feeling that I get when my DP/DR has acted up in the past. Other then calming my nerves and letting the feeling pass I did not acknowledge it. Why would I? I was having a great time swimming with my siblings on a great day. DP/DR was not a welcome guest for the trip and I let it know and just as fast as it came on me I worked through the short fear and showed it the door and went on with my day. And what I great day it was (other then sun burns and sore muscles but that is just stupidity on my part lol).

Things like that show up almost never now. As a matter of fact I can't place the last time I had a sudden odd fear hit me like that one did. I remember as I was packing my day bag for the trip that I did not even feel the need to bring my anxiety tablets 'just in case I needed' them. You might say that I 'needed' them for this but I say no I didn't. I got over it and it passed in less time then it would have taken to get out of the water and over to my bag on the beach.

Time and activities have gotten me to this point. I know looking at it from the other end feels like you will never be 'normal' again but you will. No one likes hear that it will take time but with time comes less and less of those moments and you gain more and more mental strength over this lil brat.

As always I hope you are all getting out there and living your life and ignoring the brat (DP/DR etc.) he can't stop you but he will try if you let him.

Current Mood: accomplished

Monday, May 16th, 2011

10:20 am
[dpd_support]

New community Hi everyone :)

I'm a first year psychology student who has been living with DPD for about 5 years :)

I created a new community for people living with DPD through which I plan to conduct a case study.

Anyone is welcome :)
Depersonalization Support Network

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

7:22 am
[grlinheadphones]

How is everyone? It is now 2010 and For the most part I have days when my DR is not present in my life. As far as DP that was the first to go for me last year.

I'm glad for the resources that I found and listed on the community info page because they really worked for me. Also having an older brother that learned about my conditions and help me through them no matter how fucking odd I acted under them and what they lead me to do and act as.

I'm really really glad I found a medical professional that listen to me and did not just brush my signs off and my own research as bullshit.

I'm glad I looked outside myself and learned to lean on others when I truly needed it and that all those people have been there.

I'm thankful that time heals all wounds and for all the things I got into to distract me as I came around and out of it.

I'm thankful that I have a name for the pain and trouble and a rein that I could use to temper it and still do until it is nothing more then a boring memory.

I believe that having the belief that it is and will always be around you can hold you back from getting as close to better as you can.

Thx for the return e-mails Baz and thx for all the friends old and new that stayed after I came out to them with the truth of my condition and did not shun me.

Current Mood: awake

Friday, August 7th, 2009

4:46 am
[dissociatedmind]

2 out of 4 Depersonalization/Derealization is only one of four disorders that are grouped together.
There is also DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder or sometimes referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder), DF (Dissociative Fugue), and DA (Dissociative Amnesia).
I have had the misfortune to have all four at one time or another, but I currently only have 2 out of the four.

I'm suffering from both DP and DR, as well as DID.
I've had DP/DR (both) since I was about 9 years old from post traumatic stress.
It's interested because it has NEVER gone away.
It never comes and goes, it's simply persistent.

I've pretty much learned to accept it, and rather try to fight it, let it slip into the back of my mind.
I try to keep myself preoccupied with things other then my detachment from reality.

Which dissociative disorders do you all have and how do you cope with it?
How long have you had it for?

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

2:42 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to step back in and ask how everyone is doing?

As far as me I'm slowly moving toward the better side of this and yet I still feel like I'm sliding back down towards the dark. BUT I will not let this keep me down. I just got done with a 3 day trip with my siblings and even though I was kinda scared I did not let the DP/DR keep me home or down. I was there doing everything my sibling did and enjoyed the hell out of it.

Living your life and keeping busy both in mind and with your body takes you mind of the crap and helps move you forward past the dark.

Go out and live, love and enjoy life. If it feels weird and odd and your scared just take a moment to center yourself and then push forward with what you are doing and keep enjoying your time and self.

Remember this to will pass!

*hugs* remember it does get better you if you keep living your life and don't pay this crap any mind. It will come into your mind but you don't have to focus on it! Do your best to ignore the brat that it is and sooner or later it will get easier and soon you will see the light on the path and find that life is moving in a slow but familiar direction.

Current Mood: chipper

Monday, June 15th, 2009

10:25 am
[grlinheadphones]

Why not? I just wanted to encourage the others in this comm to go outside and enjoy themselves as much as they can and not let the DP/DR control your life.

One step at a time both the physical and mental kind will help move you through it!

It will take you living your life even though you are in pain and scared to get past this and banish it from your life.

I hope everyone is having a less difficult time with their

temporary

conditions.

Current Mood: accomplished

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

1:27 am
[grlinheadphones]

Updates to the user info So I updated the user info for the community and thought that I would share the info here as I find that it has helped me very much so and think that it would be the best $45 you ever spent.

But that is just my $0.02 worth on this subject.

"I strongly recommend looking into these two sites:

First DP Manual a site with a guide from Shaun O Conner a recovered sufferer.

Second I recommend a look at Paul David's site Anxiety no More and his book At Last a Life and his blog."

Current Mood: busy

Monday, April 6th, 2009

7:45 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Whatever will be, will be Que Sera sera I was reading through Paul David's blog from "Anxiety No More" and this post just stood out as some of the questions that come to my head when I read his site and things from Shaun's manual.

I think you all know by now that I like to ask questions of people that have gone through this thing. I kinda use it as a measuring stick as to how I'm doing and what I need to do and what I might be going through. I think that we all are a bit of hypochondriacs when we get really sick or are sick for a really long time (or God forbid both -_-). So anyway I just thought that I would pass these along for you to look over if you wanted to.

Also this song came to mind and just made me chuckle:

Whatever will be, will be(Que Sera sera) - Doris Day

Your anxiety questions answered
-Paul David

1. In regards to your next post ideas, here’s something I would have wanted to know about you during recovery: When you say, “whatever” to a thought or feeling, do you feel confident when you say it each time or is it a matter of just saying it even if you feel like you’re treading water to stay afloat at that moment?
( answer Collapse )
2. Did you keep getting tripped up with fighting? Was it really gradual that you starting getting better at accepting or did you “give up fighting” fairly quickly and then have to keep working at recovery from there?
( answer Collapse )
3. I have been doing great, but I stumble when confronted with the reality that people do suffer from bouts of major depression and with these thoughts come rushes of fear and then I get caught up in a swirl of anxiety and low mood. How would you move toward these feelings appropriately in order to face them head on?
( answer Collapse )
4. Hey Paul, new post sounds like its going to be really interesting. Something I was meaning to ask you was if you ever worried about if your anxiety was other illnesses instead. I have more or less got past this myself(after a lot of worrying) but I know there is a lot of people that still find it hard to move past these what ifs and thought it would be good for them to know about your experiences with these thoughts.
( answer Collapse )
5. “What does it feel like to be fully recovered” and “How do you know”?
( answer Collapse )
6. Paul - did you ever in a set-back start to tire of this whole process? If that makes any sense. I just feel fed up and weary at the moment with all of this anxiety business and I have moments when I feel like I am sliding quickly back to the very beginning three years ago.
( answer Collapse )
7. Paul - I Was doing so well these days and out of the blue I got this setback. When I do brain retraining, I feel the term I use to accept don’t have any weight, they feel meaningless when I say them to myself. For example, when I say to myself,” It’s only a bad habit”. Then automatically my mind will start questioning, what’s a habit, are you sure it’s a bad habit.” I don’t know what to do. I have tried with new sayings, the same happens. It’s so confusing, please advise.
( answer Collapse )
8. You mention a lot about not going in search of that magic tablet or secret cure etc and just letting recovery come to you. You also however recommend a few things such as exercise, avoiding alcohol, massage etc to help with recovery. How do you draw the line between the two and when do these things stop being just aids in our recovery and represent us searching for a quick fix ? I’ve thought a few times about trying meditation or something to help me relax, but then wonder if it might be a step to far and means that I am not accepting the way I feel.
( answer Collapse )

x-posted from my LJ

Current Mood: contemplative

1:28 am
[dotdimblog]

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

9:36 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Let what comes come.... One thing that I have heard many time over the last half year is that all the whining people in the forums are a "self selective bias". Or in other words they on some level do not want to *TRY* and get well. They think that 'hey there are others suffering like me I'm not alone so I can wallow in my pity with them'. IE you will not find the people that got better wallowing with the 'pity me' people.

I hate these forum people. They in no way are trying to work at getting better and are not trying to help people like me or Ryan that want to put the effort in to fight our way out of this.

I mean who in Hell would not walk through Hell's fire and brimstone barefoot to get out from under this. Its hard, the most horribly hard thing I will ever do in my life to try and get out from the thought loop.

The worst thought and truth is that it is my mind's protection function that I have to 'fight'... err not fight but ease out from hiding and get working well back out in the sunshine. Right now it is like a mugged lady hiding in a closet in her house. It takes time and effort just like a person with agoraphobia trying to take small trips outside. Small trips get bigger and longer and after a time and a lot of effort I will be back on my road to normality. Not that I'm not normal now but just scared and uneasy at how the world looks.

Baby steps back down my well trodden road.

So why do I drag out these well worn thoughts that I have shouted from the tree tops and sobbed into my pillow at night? Well I came across this site that is very similar to Shaun's DP manual and I thought that since DP/DR is an anxiety condition and this site is all about that as well as covering DP very well that it is well worth some more info and a repeat on this topic.

http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk is the main site.

http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/ is the very interesting and informative blog!

How did I come across this site? I Googled "recovered depersonalization" because I'm sick of all the whiny people that don't think they can or will get better and just don't seem like they care to fight for it anymore. I want to hear from the person that went through the same Hell that I'm going through BUT got through it and is living a normal life... like I will! Because beliving is half the battle. We all know that the power of the mind is great (both for the evils of things like DP but for also getting well from a number of conditions both of the mind and the body).

Please have a look around the site and read through the blog entries and tell me they do not give you some hope and new ideas to make your own and work harder.

One thing that I thought I would never say after it had been thrown in my face so many times was that I was going to have to "grin and bear it" but I think I will take this saying (also among the same line as "suck it up") and twist it on its head. These saying hurt so much since I *WAS* sucking it up the best I could and it was not changing it any and the fear and mental anguish was so bad that all I could do was weep and push on. But I will take both Shaun's and Paul David's advice and let the waves of fear crash upon me and do my best to ignore it and move on with what I need to do and what I *WANT* to do. Life is not waiting for me and so I shall move with it and in time these fears will leave me to my life like the school yard bully after you ignore him and show him no attention.

I may be walking around with bruises and black eyes for awhile from the bullying anxious DP but I will still be here even broken and bleeding. Nothing can break me all the way down as long as my mind still works under the DP.

One last note that is very intriguing to me.
Both Shaun O Conner of the "DP manual" and Paul David of "Anxiety no More" as well as bayleafwish the first member of my dp_chat community and Baz a awesome recovered user of the DP manual that I have had the wonderful opportunity to chat with are all from the UK.

It makes me wonder if they have a different way at coming at the conditions or a different way of living that is more effective at reaching the other side of DP/DR and chronic anxiety. I think that many here in the us just expect that a doctor will give them a pill that will even if it is in a long time cure them of this. I think that they don't want to put in the effort that is horrible required of them to ignore and work past and through this brain malfunction.

x-posted from my LJ

Current Mood: busy

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

11:19 am
[grlinheadphones]

Shaking Anyone had any shaking with their anxiety and DP/DR?

My right hand and wrist and right foot has had some very bad shaking.

Current Mood: cold

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

10:31 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Interesting medication I just came across an medication that sounds like a helpful on for DP.

Neurontin. It helps with Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, OCD, insomnia. Among other off-label uses for it.

DP/DR is among other things considered and OCD thought loop and anxiety based fear.

I'm going to talk to my doctor about it this coming week as the Geodon I'm on is only helping like a drop in the bucket. If not this then maybe a non-benzo anti-anxiety med for the soaring chronic anxiety/fear.

How are all your meds working for you? I hope well!

Current Mood: anxious

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

12:03 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Questions So since DP_chat is still rather dead I thought I would ask some questions.

What do you guys do to work on your DP/DR during the in between times? Like brushing your teeth, bathing/showering, getting ready for bed, trying to sleep, fixing meals and other odd times.

Do you think that your cat/dog helps you with your DP/DR?

Do you still drive? Ride your bike, skateboard, roller blade?

Well anyway I guess that is good for now. Hope that all you guys and gals have a great St. Pats day. I would advise that to much drinks will not help your DP/DR so drink lots of water with anything you do drink to lessen the hang-over.

cheers Phones

Current Mood: cynical

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

6:24 pm
[grlinheadphones]

The sent of calm I just remembered that I was watching a show about the mind on PBS. And the part about anxiety said that lavender scents help calm people with anxiety conditions.

Well and of us working with DP/DR should know that DP/DR are anxiety based fear conditions.

So I'm going to try and pick up some scented candles and soaps/shampoos and body spray.

Anything that can help is worth a try in my book!

Current Mood: cold

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

8:47 pm
[dotdimblog]

We need to get this group going, lol. Alot of potential here.

I've had this lovely disorder for a few years, used to have anxiety and very heavy agoraphobia.

I recently found out Omega-3 Fish Oils sometimes help to calm the side effects, so I just recently started trying it, hopefully it'll work.

Best of luck to everyone.

Edit: Haha, I just read the post below mine about Omega 3 not working. Lol.

3:26 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Fish oil - Omega 3 I have a bottle minus 2 gel caps if anyone wants them minus shipping.

I tried them with a meal and then next morning and whole day the fish oil fought me and won. It gave me massive stomach pain. It works very well for some but not me and I don't want to just toss them if anyone wants them... for whatever.

Now off to try flax seed oil instead and some 5-HTP..... and the 4th new med from the Docs.

Wish me luck and I do the same for you!

Current Mood: annoyed

Friday, February 20th, 2009

4:57 pm
[grlinheadphones]

Hello everyone and Welcome I started this community because I am working through DP and like many of you might have also found out there is very little help out there.

After being diagnosed with depression and put on a SSRI that exasperated my DP to the point that I thought I was going insane I quite taking it (please if you do this taper down and find a doctor that will believe you and work the SSRI out of your system) and looked on the web for info that sounded like what I was going through.

After looking up detoxing from the two different SSRIs that I had been on I found out that detoxing from them cold turkey (or even sometimes when tapering down under a doctors care) can bring on DP.

After trying to talk to a few doctors and having them blow me off and tell me that what I was feeling/thinking was just not letting the SSRIs kick in fully I started to take the advice on the web and work on the DP.

IT SUCKS AND IS FAR FROM EASY.

I found a site that a former DP suffer posted up and have been working on his plan to over coming this horrible and crippling habit of thought. And even though I don't see it working right now I know that I can't give up and just let this stay in my head.

I can't stress enough right now that you WILL NEED A PERSON TO TALK TO AND BE THERE FOR YOU.

All the medical personal that I have talked to have not believed that I am having trouble with DP. Don't give up if this is happening to you. Keep trying new doctors.

Also keep busy and even more so keep your mind busy! I know this is the worst thing that you have to do. Even getting up and facing another crippling day with this crap is beyond painful. Read, blog, watch happy movies and TV, play games and listen to music. I know that this might be more then you can even stand at this point but keep doing it. The fear is very powerful and the fear center in your brain is telling you to not do it BUT it will NOT change if you just crupple into a small ball and do nothing.

Repeat after me: "I have to change what my brain is telling me, because it won't do it itself right now."

This is all hard to read right now if you are going through the same chronic DP that I'm going through but, at the same time it helps to know that you are NOT crazy/insane and that other people are fighting this crap like you.

Remember this is the third most common psychiatric problem that people face. There is light at the end of this hellish tunnel and I'm trying to get to it just like you.

-Keep fighting for you!

Current Mood: anxious