feel my sting (original) (raw)
| [20 Jul 2008|06:23pm] | |
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| _Tiffy, Tiffy, Tiffy Lou..._T minus 61 and counting. Central A/C, a proper trim, the ocean, that sweet little face. It's all so close. You can find a lot of things in this country, things you'd never believe, but there doesn't appear to be a decent milkshake anywhere around. It's annoying, but not nearly enough to ruin the wonderfulness of the place._Love my rifle more than you..._They lie, you know. You never see the faces, not once you're done. When you reach a certain point, you find that you'd go for just about anything so long as it means you'd have to do something. You stop looking for things on your own, because the interesting ones start coming to you. So the question is: Where am I going on the next one? Another tour in Gruber, or am I needed in LeJeune? I guess we'll just see. Although, one of them might end up being more permanent than I'd choose at this point, but that's up to the IO._Used to be my beauty queen..._I've got to finish my packing tomorrow and assess what needs to be acquired before I leave. Plus, I'm waking up way too soon. So a workout and then slumber.But now I love my M-16. | |
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| Is this it? | [15 Jul 2008|05:35pm] |
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| Is it over?I haven't felt the urge to let him out in nearly two days. He's been quiet, subdued. I kinda wonder if he's dead. No, that's just crazy talk. He's not dead, he'll never die. He's just not at the window like he usually is, arm dangling out, face pressed against the bars, laughing and pointing when he sees one he wants. He's letting me see things for myself, it feels good to look at things through just one set of eyes. Maybe I'm starting to get control of him, all the anger management finally paying off. I'll finally be able to walk down the street and be alright. I'll make eye contact. I'll smile. There'll be no sweating, no nervousness, no quickened pulse, no need to put my hands in my pockets. I can just move along. Maybe I'll even be able to get angry without things getting all wavy, without the adrenaline, without the destruction. I'll just get angry, I'll yell, just like everyone else. I can't do this. It's too early, and I don't want to get ahead of myself.Sorry, things are just going so well these days. It's been months since I've had The Itch. Months... plural... as in more than one. I'm not plagued by The Lie. I'm at peace for once. And if The King is gone, well that'll be tops. I'm practically giddy. But I can't throw any parties. Not yet anyways. I gotta figure out "why?", "how?", "will it return when I do?" Too many questions to answer. Still, the dawn seems to approach.So what's the cause? It could feasibly be the time and distance away from my world. If this is the case, I'm screwed in a week. It could be that I'm winning finally, in which case, I'm set. Other than that, it has to either be caused by 'The Unit' coming on TV here, or reconnecting with an old acquaintance. The outlook on the situation if either of those prove true would be shaky.Either way, I guess we'll just see. I'll leave you all in the capable hands of Regina Spektor:_It started out as a feeling Which then grew into a hope Which then turned into a quiet thought Which then turned into a quiet word And then that word grew louder and louder Til it was a battle cry I'll come back When you call me No need to say goodbye Just because everything's changing Doesn't mean it's never Been this way before All you can do is try to know Who your friends are As you head off to the war Pick a star on the dark horizon And follow the light You'll come back When it's over No need to say good bye You'll come back When it's over No need to say good bye.. Now we're back to the beginning It's just a feeling and no one knows yet But just because they can't feel it too Doesn't mean that you have to forget Let your memories grow stronger and stronger Til they're before your eyes You'll come back When they call you No need to say good bye You'll come back When they call you No need to say good bye..Drew Malone_I will not die a monster. | |
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| Big Wheel Keep On Turning... | [12 Jul 2008|06:31am] |
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| So another one is preggo... fantastic. One day I'll learn.Stupid Irishman.Don't know why I'm so upset, it's not mine. She's not even mine anymore, hasn't been for awhile now. So, why am I not laughing about this? How come I can't find joy in her suffering? Sure, I broke her heart back then... but she broke mine first... twice. Actually, she broke it, partially mended it, then immediately broke it again, waited until it healed itself, broke it a third time, then I somehow managed to break hers. How did I end up being the bad guy in that situation? Oh wait, that's right, I'm the bad guy in every situation, aren't I?And yet, I find myself sitting here, some 4000 some odd miles and a different country away, wishing there was something I could do. Wishing I had the stability and ability to provide for them both. Heh, not that she'd take me up on it anyways. Too stubborn and rebellious, independent to the end, like always. Which was really what I loved about her. But she's got her folks, she's got friends, she's got herself, she'll get through it. Besides, I'm not really the "Wade Cleaver"-type. I tried to pretend for a couple years there, but let's face it, I'm not that guy... at least not yet. |
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| Do hurricanes feel remorse? | [28 Apr 2008|10:38pm] |
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| Call me a traditionalist, but when did we stop having the civility to just ignore people until they went away?A couple of years ago, they started to call me "Hurricane Katrina". I never really took to it, but they said it made sense because I tear through women and make them probably end up in trailers. Again, I think that's a little severe, but it would explain the karmic backslash... There are two kinds of women in my world: those I love, and those that love me. One group I destroy and the other group destroys me. I emotionally cripple them, they leave me two steps from climbing a clock tower with a high powered rifle. Will things always be this way? I really hope not...I'm putting off packing. I know, that's a bad thing. I know, I'm about to run out of time. In the end, I'm still doing it. It's my method, it really is. Just like how I'm only now thinking about my life. I'm only now starting to want to get back out on my own, get my own place, get back into school, etc.I don't know, it'll all work out.. | |
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| [06 May 2006|02:26pm] | |
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| Geez, I haven't gotten on here in forever. Guess it's time for an update...**( bitchesCollapse )**Oh well, whining on livejournal won't do me any good. | |
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| [21 Nov 2005|06:28pm] | |
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| I'm completely fuckin' lost at life. I started my semester with 17 credit hours, now I'm at 3. I'm no longer interested in my major, my college, St. Augustine, anything. The only thing keeping me here is her, and sometimes that doesn't even feel like enough. What do I love? Where does my passion lie? What do I want to do with my life? The only thing that the skills I've developed qualify me for is a Pornstar, and let's face it, I'd never make it in that business.I quit Winn-Dixie because my parents said they'd cover my rent, but once they see my grades, I'm sure they'll renege on the offer. If I tell them I want a semester to sort things out, they'll want me home. I can't go home, I have a lease, a friend, a love of my life. I can't walk away from them...I guess I should seek counseling, maybe this time it'll actually work.I've developed a horrible habit of apathetically watching my friends fade away from me. Don't get me wrong, I want them to stay, they just never do, and it's mostly my fault. I either quit talking to them, or I get drunk and tell them I used to have a crush on them.I guess what I need is time to sort things out, to figure out what I want. Now, I just have to find a way to get it.How is it that you can make someone the happier than ever, and yet be the source of all their woe?Drew Malone_Spread the Word, Fight the Power, and Don't be That Guy._ | |
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| [01 Nov 2005|01:48pm] | |
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| There comes a moment in your life when you find yourself failing at least two classes; 60underrentwhenyoualreadyoweyourroommate60 under rent when you already owe your roommate 60underrentwhenyoualreadyoweyourroommate450; working a job you hate; going to a school that bores you, and studying something you no longer care about. You miss your home, family and friends. You’re dealing with a constant headache; and just wish you could walk away from it all, find a Caribbean island, and see what happens.I’ve hit that period, and I’ve begun to realize my life is an ever-increasing failure. I have no direction or purpose to my life. I’ve never taken the time to develop any skill I’ve ever had. It’s pathetic, and it’s depressing. I don't know what to do anymore...My class was just halted for approximately 5 minutes until someone explained to our Finnish teacher what ‘tossing the salad’ means.Drew Malone_"Spread the word, fght the power, and don't be that guy"_ | |
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| [25 Oct 2005|11:35am] | |
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For those of you who didn't see this when Katie stole it from me:Go to Google, in the search box type "failure" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. Watch and be amused.I did something unusually charitable today. One of the on-campus organizations is doing an awareness day for the genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, educate yourself. I am usually the last to toss my hat into the international charity pot, I hink we need to fix our own problems before venturing out to fix the rest of the world. Adopt American orphans before international ones, house our homeless before theirs. This, however, is a different story. They now figure the death toll to be around 400,000. I don't know why this is the one that hooked me; whether it was the numbers, my mood today, or the pictures of children with their adorable faces smashed in by rifle butts; but hook me it did. so I bought the wristband, pinned on the ribbon and gave money to the cause. I feel that I should feel better about it. Theoretically my donation will buy over 180 meals for refugees, I guess that should make me feel better, but it doesn't My school was just ranked as the most homogenized college in the U.S and Canada. 7% of our student body is part of a minority, that includes foreign students from Sweden, Norway and England. Yeah, did you just throw up a little too? I gotta get out of this place. Rosa Parks died today. I’m almost as sad as when Scotty from Star Trek died....Drew Malone_Spread the word, Fight the power, and Don't be that guy._ |
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| [21 Oct 2005|12:42pm] | |
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| My ear is bleeding copiously from what I can only guess to be the jump from 10 to 6 after not wearing the 10 for 3 days. Just a guess, could be anything...I bought myself a flash drive, this makes me happy. now I can store important files in my pocket so they can never be lost or damaged... wait this might not have been thought through that well... |
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| [14 Oct 2005|10:39am] | |
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| I just realized recently that I really never wanted to be a journalist. In many ways the concept bores me. So now I'm about $10,000+ in the hole, and lost like a penguin in the desert. I have no idea what I want to do, I'm not particularly skilled at anything in particular, and I've all but lost my friends in Orlando. To be honest I really only kept coming back for Katie and Steve, etc. To be honest, I really think I'd like to work with animals, not really as a vet per se, probably more as an animal handler or in animal control or something. I dunno, I'm dumb and want to come home.Speaking of coming home, is anyone going to Halloween Horror Nights on Saturday? I've come into a ticket and will be going with a couple of my roommates to my first HHN and well, It'd be cool to see the old gang. If anyone wants to call me, the number's 904-315-3590. Not that anyone reads this anymore.I was walking out of the classroom building to day and a girl was walking down the front stairs toward me. To that girl I'd like to say, "Nobody wants to see that! Wear some underpants! or at least a longer skirt."I love free library books. They make me happier than the woman who changes the flowers at our desert house.Today's selection:TBA later.Drew Malone_Spread the word, fight the power and don't be that guy._ | |
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| [06 Oct 2005|01:08pm] | |
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| so yeah, I made a new icon with the animation and such... too bad the computer I'm on isn't showing the whole animation thing. EDIT: Nevermind, safari just sucks ass, gorramned macs...) | |
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| [16 Sep 2005|12:49pm] | |
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| I made a realization the other day. That realization is that shrouded in the awesomeness of the Ninja Turtles cartoon, is a message of social change in musical taste. The break-dancing, rap-loving turtles triumph over the obviously street punk Rocksteady and Bebop. I'm not angry or bitter, these things just come to me.( The Random Question Meme!Collapse ) | |
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| [06 Sep 2005|01:54pm] | |
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| Sometimes I really wonder why I bother anymore. No amount of pulling back will get the flaps to pull me back up. | |
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| [02 Sep 2005|09:43am] | |
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| Ska is Dead 3 is going to rock my socks.Someone should punch Jayson Blair in the face. Not because of the whole plagarism thing, but the fact that he is now a motivational speaker, and doing decently well. In that light, anyone who goes to see him should also ghet punched in the face.I work at Winn-Dixie now. I think I'm slowly getting shittier and shittier jobs. Cushy Winter Park law firm --> Disney --> Red Lobster --> Winn-Dixie.Liberals think we should pull out and end the war, conservatives think we would appear weak and therefore shouldn't. There is a way to do both...My roommate's dog has a boy crush on me, sometimes that gets weird.I want to go to Ska is Dead and Streetlight, but that will most likely be tricky. I know which I would pick, but still...I have class in 7 minutes, better hit the road I guess.Remember kids: Spread the word, Fight the power, and don't be that guy.Drew Malone_"Cheap, but not as cheap as your girlfriend."_ | |
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| [09 Aug 2005|06:02pm] | |
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| Love is not telling your girlfriend you've been throwing up for the past 3 hours so she can leave you completely alone for 24 hours and go visit a friend 2 hours away for Chicken Parmesan and girltalk.Drew Malone_"Cheap, but not as cheap as your girlfriend"_ | |
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| [30 Jul 2005|04:32am] | |
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| Attention all consumer whores In 5 days, I will be 21. That's kinda scary, I didn't realize it was that close until like a week ago. It's too bad I'm older than all my friends here almost. And that I have no money. If I ever come back to Orlando, someone should buy me a drink.I miss alot of people in Orlando. There were so many great memories there. I dunno, it just doesn't feel right there anymore. More than anyone, not to offend or anything, I miss Sam, Norby, Brian, David, Matt, Mike and Courtney Smith, Carter, and Everyone I didn't mention.I acquired Romero's Night of the Living Dead today at Wal-Mart, it was only a dollar.2 : the number of people wh thought Steve and I were the Blues Brothers today.Drew Malone_"cheap, but not as cheap as your girlfriend"_ | |
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