One More Addiction (original) (raw)

	[25 Nov 2003|05:05pm]
[ **mood** | blank ] This is my first posting. I’m a 20 yr old single les. Life for me has been rather hard. Comeing out to a family that doesn’t understand me or love me and dealing with a GF for 2 years that was Boarder line and Bi-Polar like myself wasn’t that easy as well. Recently I’ve chosen to pick and leave my home state of NY to live with a friend in GA. I’ve tried to kill myself a million times. Well at least a dozen. You name it. My last almost did kill me. I held a Shot gun to my chest and pulled the trigger. I aimed for my heart and missed by 1mm. I spent a month learning to rebreath again. When the bullet hit my back ribs and shattered fragments went into my lungs. At that time I was in the US Army. I was getting ready to deploy over seas. I was dealing with a GF at the time that I thought didn’t care. Currently her and I are being friends. And I’m slowly getting my life together. I use to smoke Pot all the time, drink, and Cut. Those were my comforts. I stopped using Pot and I drink every now and then. But not for the reasons that I use too. Yesterday for the first time in months I cut myself again. I use to be really bad at it. Always making pictures out of it and not just lines. It was my art work. My way of hurting me. I know that life is hard and I’ve been there. Sometimes I’m happy being depressed and thinking of new ways to kill myself. However I’ve decided now that since nothing in my life has been easy that I would try the hard road on my own. I’m going to try and pick my life up and change somethings about me to make me happy for once. Not living for everyone else. This time that I cut myself it wasn’t to die however I hit a good vein in my wrist and squirted blood for a good few before adding pressure. First time on the wrist. I’ve always done it on my arm or leg where I could cut deep and bleed less. But this time I didn’t get that need or wanted release and I’m kinda happy cause as I’m getting older the depression isn’t all that bad. However when it hits it still hits with vengence.But I’m commenting here in this LJ Comm. Because I just wanted to say hi. Life is shitty at a lot of times. But it’s a roller coaster. It’s got it’s up and downs. Highs are high and lowers are deadly. I’m 20 I listen well and I check my E-Mail everyday. So if anyone ever needs to talk IM me. I’m on AOL at Fallenangel13f and Yahoo at Babygirl13134. E-mail me at the AOL addy. Or just post me a comment. I’m here to listen and I’ve been there so I don’t judge. Just thought that if you were lonely and needed someone to talk I’d be there… Everyone needs a friend… and I’m in GA so if your looking to be alone.. you can talk to me and still be alone. Names Mari by the way.
5 Fiends| Habituate

	[10 Oct 2003|03:55pm]
[ **mood** | high ] *Tell us a little bit about yourself.I'm 20. My name's Steve and I live in LA. That'd be the jist of it.*What's your current addiction? How did you get started on it?My current addiction is coke. I wouldn't call it an addiction so much as something that I do maybe once a week or so and just generally want to get off of. I've been on drugs since I was 9 (lots of drinking and pot) just progressed to things like opium and acid. I've dealt drugs too, actually made a considerable amount because I wasn't hooked on coke then. Done shrooms and E; have lots of fun rollin' on that. I've done herion, but only twice and the first time almost killed me and the second time wasn't that great either. I used to just use coke occasionally, once every couple of months or so; but recently I've been going back to coke more often then I should. It's starting to seriously fuck up my personal relationships and I don't want to lose my daughter cuz of something like coke.*What are the effects that you've noticed?Side effects: my nose bleeds a lot, stuffed up frequently, I get really bad head aches if I go for a while without it.*Are any of them so bad that you'd consider quitting because of it?It's not the price, or the physical effects that make me want to quit, it's just for the sake of my daughter (also so I can get to see my twin boys again soon).Yup, that's me, thanks for lettin' me get this out in a place with similar people. Now I'm off to go down some xanax before my doc freaks out that I'm not taking it.
2 Fiends| Habituate

going to school...off heroin eeps im scared	[08 Oct 2003|07:43am]
[ **mood** | nervous ] k guys.. im on my way to school in about 20 minutes.... this is the first day back to school with me in intensive outpatient care. (out patient rehab) i dont know how im going to make it throug hthe day but i guess i will some how. im not going tow orry about the owrk, just worry abot surviving thday.. ill tell yo uall how it was either in 3rd hour (if i cna get on) or after school. :) wish me luck!xoxojesska
5 Fiends| Habituate

X-posted	[07 Oct 2003|10:19pm]
[ **mood** | happy ] After smoking a decent amount of meth I always seem to have a sort of cotton-mouth, except it's more like the feeling you get when you try to swallow a pill without water, like there's something stuck there. Also... the day or so after I unwind I have a congested, stuffy nose sort of thing going on too. Does this happen to anyone else or is there just something wrong with me? Oh, and don't tell me to drink water or use saline solution for my nose, it doesn't help; but any other advice would be appreciated.
8 Fiends| Habituate

new	[07 Oct 2003|06:50pm]
[ **mood** | crazy ] hello all17/f/mimy addiction-Heroini just actually got cauht yesterday and thursday i start intensive outpatient care.. woop dee fuckin doo.. :sigh: just found this so id thought id join. any1 wanna know anything about herion just let me know, i can most likely answer yer questions.....
5 Fiends| Habituate

	[06 Oct 2003|02:30am]
[ **mood** | bouncy ] Hello everyone. I just joined this Community today after looking over it and reading what everyone else had to say, and I can relate. My name is Angie (DJ Skyes or Skyes most call me), and I live in Jacksonville Florida, and hating it.My addiction, even though I really don't think of it as one, is E. (Ecstacy.) I started a year ago when I first got into the rave scene. Since then, I have become a Trance/Techno disc jockey and the E use somwhat stopped for a while. That was until I moved. My mom actually disowned me- my second step dad died and me and my mom never got along anyway. I had just turned 18. That was this summer- we just got into an argument over something stupid and literally kicked out out.. It was pretty harsh. Now I am in Jacksonville, Florida, living with my ex step dad (my mom's second husband-confusing huh?!) and he's an alcoholic. I couldn't go anywhere else after my mom kicked me out. (Oh yeah and she kept my birth Cert. and SS Card, so at the moment I am stuck, I can't do anything without them :\...) So. Yeah. My life has been hell before this and now it's hell again. I just ignore it and deal... I still had a lot of E left and I have started to take it again to get away from the unhappyness. I have found a rave type club here in town that I like, and even met a couple of people. I have gone so far as to ask them to find out for me where I can get more E because I know I am going to run out soon. I don't take the E to run away from my problems. I solve my problems on my own; although I know when I roll that I will feel brighter and happier about things. I know it doesn't change anything. I guess someone who has taken E would relate, hehe. But yeah. That's basically my story. =)
5 Fiends| Habituate

	[02 Oct 2003|03:32pm]
[ **mood** | cold ] ::Tell us a little bit about yourself::I'm young. Very young actually. My name is Rae(Kiddie). I'm a girl that lives in New Orleans, Lousisiana. I'm still in high school. The only job I have is a seasonal job at House of Shock selling glowsticks and making 5 dollars an hour plus commision. Soon I will be living in an apartment with one of my friends. ::What's your current addiction? How did you get started on it?::Cocaine. For me, it's all about cocaine. I don't think I can even imagine my life right now without cocaine. How I got started on it? I started taking drugs when I was about 11. First it started with drinking and weed. Then we started rollin' a lot or trippin'. Sometimes both at once (trollin). I had done heroin twice. When I was about 13, my boyfriend had some coke. I wanted some. At least to try it. Try it once. He didn't want me to. I did anyways. Now I know why he tried so bad to keep me off of it. It started with one line. Then moved onto four. Soon as the effects wore off, sometimes even before they wore off, I would want some more. After that night though, I stopped doing it. It became more "recreational" I guess. I only did it probably once every 3-6 months. About 3 months ago I started it up again. Every night. Every single night. I don't remember a night where I haven't gone without it. I can't imagine a night without it. It's my love. ::What are the effects that you've noticed?::My nose for one. It's sore all the time. Runny a lot. Stuffy a lot. Never perfect. My immune system sucks. I'm sick all the time. With...whatever virus happens to be floating around school. I'm always cold. I bruise pretty easily now, too. My school work sucks. I haven't tried at all this year. All I can think about at school is my darling coke. I can't wait to get home. I'll sleep all day to try to make the day go by faster. ::Would you consider quitting?::Right now, no. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes I just think, It's not worth it. Othertimes I'm just like, fuck it. I guess I'm comfortable with how I am right now. If I were to change would I become uncomfortable with myself? I don't want that. I like this feeling.
2 Fiends| Habituate

	[02 Oct 2003|03:14pm]
[ **mood** | drunk ] Tell us a little bit about yourself: I'm a 22 year old guy living in England. I'm originally from Serbia and I've moved all over Europe with my family. I'm trying to get a job, but that's hard enough at the best of times. Hopefully I'll move on to Canada soon.What's your current addiction? How did you get started on it?: Alcohol, speed, morphine. I first had alcohol when I was 7. I drank an entire mug full of homemade vodka which I thought was water. I haven't stopped since then, although I didn't really start until I was 12 or so. I've been on speed for pretty much the same amount of time, it's too easy to get hold of. The morphine became a friend 4 or 5 years ago. I've done a hell of a lot of drugs, but those are my addictions.What are the effects that you've noticed?: Apart from the usual, increased use, lack of money, loss of friends... I have a screwed up circulatory system now. My heart is constantly on the edge. I shake far too much for someone of 22.Are any of them so bad that you'd consider quitting because of it?: I've considered it. I constantly try and stop morphine but weak will and a poor social situation keep me searching it out. I CAN'T stop speed and I'd never want to quit alcohol.
Habituate