An ode to the hardest working butt pads in cinema today (original) (raw)
You know two actors who really go for it? Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio. So when a scene in Martin Scorsese's latest, Killers of the Flower Moon, called for De Niro to spank DiCaprio, the Raging Bull star wasn't going to hold back — so DiCaprio, wisely, wore a butt pad to absorb all that raw thespian energy.
Come awards season, that butt pad may very well get some Oscar buzz. If they gave Oscars to butt pads. But considering how much work those faux fannies have put in over the years, why shouldn't they?
Below, a cheeky, brief(-filling) history of the hardest working butt pads in cinema today.
Keisters of the Full Moon
Leonardo DiCaprio in 'Killers of the Flower Moon'. Apple Original Films
In Killers of the Flower Moon, Ernest Burkhart (DiCaprio) botches an assassination plot leading his uncle William King Hale (De Niro) to discipline him the old-fashioned way: whacking him on the behind with a wooden paddle.
"There was some padding on his butt. But you could tell De Niro was really hitting him," Killers cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto told Insider of the infamous scene. "I do remember doing them quite a few times and thinking, 'Oh, that must hurt.'" Hey, DiCaprio fought a bear and lost, so he could take some (admittedly heavy and maybe vengeful) spanking from a national treasure.
BadunkaVision
Disney+/Everett
"Do you want to talk about your butt?" Elizabeth Olsen asks Paul Bettany in a documentary on the making of their megahit WandaVision. "Yeah, I did want to talk about my butt," Bettany says. And why wouldn't he, it's a work of art. Literally. Vision's android rump was lovingly sculpted by the prop department.
Bettany praised his fake butt, saying that it "makes me stand properly" and also makes him want to shake his synthetic heinie. Bettany went on to say that Vision's butt is "a perfect android ass" and is better than both Captains America, Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie. A wild assertion, but there's no comparison. Those pert patriotic posteriors are all-natural, made in the U.S.A., baby.
America's Ass?
Chris Evans in 'Avengers: Endgame'. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures/Marvel Studios/Everett
But are they, though? Captain America may have America's ass, even by his own admission in Avengers: Endgame:
But a source confirmed to EW that the old buns and stripes was actually padded. Which somehow only makes Cap's can even more of America's Ass. The rest of Chris Evans, however, was not padded. And America thanks him for that.
Spider-Man: No Fake Butts?
(l-r) Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, and Tobey Maguire. Sony
Tom Holland may be an international movie star and dating Zendaya and what not, but at the end of the day he's just a messy bro who loves drama. Which is why he dropped this butt bomb on Late Night With Seth Meyers.
"I'll give you a spoiler, and I'm not going to tell you who, but one of us has a fake ass in their suit," he said, referencing his fellow Spider-Men, Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield in 2021's No Way Home. "I remember being on set like, 'Wow! Oh, hang on a minute, nah, that's not real."
Garfield later waded into the caboose conversation, telling Meyers that he was "totally unmodified." Using some basic math...carry the one...that leaves Maguire as the fake ass in question. Our Spidey Senses, however, remain tingled.
Ass Army Man
Daniel Radcliffe in 'Swiss Army Man'. A24/Everett
As everyone should be made aware, Daniel Radcliffe is keeping it real tight. But one of the weirdest entries in Radcliffe's already very weird post-Harry Potter filmography, 2016's Swiss Army Man, required a mold made of his wizardly behind. Why, you ask?
Well, Radcliffe plays a corpse whose lifeless body provides the means of survival for a man stranded on a desert island (Paul Dano). And one of the corpse's many uses was a farting butt that acted as something like a jet ski. Hence, the Heinie Potter. But Radcliffe didn't actually wear it. No, both a fart and a star were born in that prosthetic booty.
Pedro Almo-datass
Penélope Cruz in 'Volver'. Sony Pictures Classics/Everett
Legend has it, Bette Davis named the Academy Award statuette after her husband at the time, Harmon Oscar Nelson, because, like her Oscar, the trophy had no butt. That may be just a legend, but nevertheless Penélope Cruz acted her fake butt off in longtime collaborator Pedro Almodóvar's Volver to secure a Best Actress Oscar nomination.
According to Almodóvar, Cruz's doctored derriere was necessary to give his star the look of a '50s Italian cinema heroine. "These are important decisions to make," the Pain and Glory director said, "because once you have the physical part, you can work on the spiritual part."
Bottom Gun
Tom Cruise in 'Valkyrie'. United Artists/Everett
Tom Cruise is insanely fit for a 60-year-old man, or anyone, really. But in a specific scene in 2008's otherwise highly forgettable Valkyrie, Cruise is packing some serious gluteal glory, which nearly a decade later led the internet to speculate that he was partaking in some risky butt-ness.
Cruise, however, denied the Valkyrie fakery, stating for the record that he does his own "mooning." Considering the man loves to do his own stunt work, that tracks. But c'mon, look at that thing. It's a Behind: Impossible and you know it.
The Devil Wears Padding
Anne Hathaway reveals her favorite 'Devil Wears Prada' outfit. Everett Collection
Are you wearing... Annie Hathaway's butt pads from The Devil Wears Prada? Yeah. I am.
That is, if they're still not framed in the Oscar-winner's home. Hathaway lost a bunch of weight to portray schlubby serious journalist turned high-fashion woman on the go! Andy Sachs, but for her pre-makeover look, she required a little movie magic.
"I had a butt pad," Hathaway told Access Hollywood, "and I took it at the end of the film and I've had it framed with a little plaque underneath it that says, 'Andy's Ass.'" Groundbreaking.
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