Flexuality (original) (raw)

23 December 2010 @ 12:44 am

I've been lurking for awhile but no posts have been made, so I figured I'd try to post something that's been bothering me for awhile.

I won't bore you with the long version of this story (unless someone asks), but the basics of it is that my (former) friend came out of the closet, I freaked out, ended the friendship because I was angry for other things and also being my being so obsessed with her sexuality, found out this past summer she was in a relationship with a girl and I cried my little eyes out. Talked to a friend who noticed I was talking about her like I would an ex, and asked if I had feelings for her.

Since then I've been trying to figure it all out. I did wonder about feelings for her when in high school, but always said "NO" instantly without thinking deeply about why that question would come to mind (more than once). All the evidence I've gathered could go one way or the other. Some points strongly support I was just being an ass while some of the other points strongly support me being an ass that just happened to have feelings for her that I hid from myself for a long time.

I've never been with a girl, I've had what could be considered a crush (but I'm not sure on that either) a MtF person though. The thing is, is that outside of these two ladies who I'm not even sure I crushed on just yet, I haven't crushed on other girls. Typically with guys I've had to get to know them before crushing on them (I think I've only crushed on one guy based on looks alone), and because I'm having a hard time meeting people at all on my campus I don't know if I would now be able to recognize a crush on a girl instantly now.

So my question to you guys is how did you know you were flexual? Did you struggle with it for awhile going back and forth between gay/straight and flexual? For those who considered themselves straight before finding these other parts of themselves, was it scary for you too? My friend thinks that I'm afraid to say I'm attracted to girls as well because I'm convinced it'd change my entire life (which I am) and my personality (as I've seen in person with people coming out of the closet). Did (or do you) you ever just not feel queer enough to belong to the lgbt community?

Also, are there any people out there who are flexual but haven't really acted on it but still maintain that you are flexual?

Thank you for reading this and I'll elaborate on anything you want me to. Hope I made this clear enough too D:

Current Mood: curious

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS ENTRY AND ITS LINKS WILL SPOIL YOU FOR THE ENTIRE NEW SERIES OF DOCTOR WHO ... and ever watching it without going "is he gay though?" again (if you even do)

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My brain is fuzzy, this entry may be confusing. But. There. You. Have. It.

Discuss?

Just heard, out of the mouth of Gordon ticky-box Brown on the leaders' debate:

"If you're gay or straight, you have a place in British society"

That's me out, then! I shall pack my bags.

Some of you may watch off_highstreet, some of you may not. But I'm pretty sure all of you will be interested in this post about "bisexuality". You can see my comment near the end of page 1 (currently the only page but here's hoping) - which, in summary, says:

- People who are "totally ok with bisexuality" but then go on to roll their eyes at "faux-bisexuality" = biphobes.
- THERE IS NO FENCE, DAMNIT!

I wonder when I will get bored of arguing this?

ps the answer is never

May i quickly offer a recommendation for an author who's sci-fi stories address issues of gender, sexuality, race and so on? Her name is Ursula le Guin, she recently turned 80 and she is amazing. In particular, i'm going to recommend The Left Hand of Darkness. It's a fantastic story about a race of people who are neither male nor female for most of the time, but can take on either gender. Inheritance passes to the children you gave birth to rather than those you sired and so forth. It was written in the 70's (i think) and caused quite a stir. Four Ways to Forgiveness is one of her more recent stories but the themes are as strong as ever.

Current Mood: cheerful

08 February 2010 @ 09:39 am

I can only give my experiences here. I've only slept with one man and one woman. I was (and am still) utterly in love with the man. The woman is one of my best friends and the 3 of us got together one night and had a fantastic time. She and I are still very close, 3/4yrs on, he and I are still very much together. We'd like to have a threesome again at some point.

On tv, in newspapers and magazines, threesomes have a very sour reputation, with people who partake in them being portrayed either as weak-willed women co-erced by over-bearing male partners or as sexually (and therefore obviously societally) deviant. I don't consider myself to be anything other than sexually normal. I have a sex drive that i used to think was high but speaking to a lot of my friends i actually don't think it is. I think it's just modern and unrepressed. The implication in the media is that threesomes always ruin relationships and friendships. The only thing that ruins relationships in these circumstances would be a lack of trust, and if you don't trust each other why the hell are you in a relationship?

On to the second part of my rant: infidelity, or the difference between love and sex.

Whilst i know my man is not about to sleep with other people (unless i'm there too :p), it wouldn't entirely bother me if he did, the reason being that he'd still be in love with me. I wouldn't count it as cheating unless he was 'emotionally involved' with the person as well. I'm told that sex with someone you love is more powerful than sex with just anyone, but sex is still fun whether you're in love or not. Sex is just sex, love is what matters!

So the captain of some football team (the england squad maybe? i really don't follow sport!) cheated on his girlfriend. The papers all seem to be focusing on the sex aspect. None have mentioned whether he was actually in love with the other woman, and either way why the hell does it matter in terms of leading a football team? The American president cheated on his wife and had to stop being president, but his wife stayed with him. Surely she's the one who should be outraged, not the nation? Also, the French president did the same and no one batted an eyelid. It's just sex! Ok, so his wife was also not exactly happy, but the nation knew it didn't affect his ability to look after the country.

Sorry that this isn't very coherent, it's been a long and tiring weekend. This is just some stuff that irritates me and i wanted to get off my chest :) Any thoughts?

Current Mood: bouncy

06 February 2010 @ 10:34 pm

Hello you lovely flexible, open minded people. Maybe you can help me come to terms with this a little bit?

I'm a bit ill and irrational at the moment and I don't want to be unnecessarily militant (yes there is now a voice in the back of my head going "oxymoron").

Basically, I was discussing Skins with my best friend (for the record, he identifies as gay) and how the suggestion that the lesbian/bi character Naomi is potentially going to kiss a boy in upcoming episodes.

Okay, so far so ridiculous to get annoyed about.

BUT. Here's the rub:
I can't remember the last time I saw a bisexual character in film or TV who didn't get into a relationship with the same sex, and then go on to cheat on them with the opposite sex.

Now, I can almost see where producers are coming from. You know, "we mustn't make it look like we think bisexual people are actually just gay" or whatever. But I am sick of this! I had a quick google (using "representations of bisexual women in popular culture" as my search term) and found this lovely little quote, happily enough just on the wikipedia page for bisexuality:

I like movies where bisexuals come out to each other together and fall in love, because these tend to be so few and far between; the most recent example would be 2002's lovely romantic comedy, Kissing Jessica Stein. Most movies with bi characters paint a stereotypical picture: the unlucky, unsuspecting, hetero or gay person falls for the bisexual bon vivant, and all hell breaks loose. The bi love interest is usually deceptive (Mulholland Drive), over-sexed (Sex Monster), unfaithful (High Art), and fickle (Three of Hearts), and might even be a serial killer, like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. In other words, the bisexual is always the cause of the conflict in the film.
—Amy Andre , American Sexuality Magazine

DISCUSS!

Please note that when I voiced my displeasure at this tendency to the best friend, he said "it's only tv", quickly followed by "well if you ask me it's bi now gay later". I have had to walk away from the conversation to calm down because, no matter how much I love him, that's offensive. Anyway, there's no such thing as "only tv" (as my dear friend Gemma pointed out) - this is all pervading.

I'm a bit sick of biphobia, and think it's about time that the word FLEXUAL came out to play and knocked everybody (and their labels and quaint ideas about what one label can make a whole load of different types of people act) off their feet.

Who's in?

Current Mood: angry

01 February 2010 @ 12:22 pm

Hello and welcome to flexual. We're a new community based on the idea that definitions of sexuality are restraining and not always accurate to the human experience.

If you feel the labels don't fit, join! If you feel they're just too damn complicated and sexuality can't be divided like it is, join!

We're open to discussion on all topics. You don't have to consider yourself to be queer to join; I know some people who consider themselves straight for all intents and purposes would still get something out of this community.

The only rule is be nice. This is not a place to bash one another!

Current Mood: bouncy