The music of love in dog flat minor (original) (raw)
February 14 2013, 10:02
Dear Mischa,
You know that I love you, and today is a special day when humans alternately charm and infuriate one another with mawkish protestations of undying affection, so I thought I'd discuss the prospects with you.
Will you be my Valentine? No, of course not, it's a daft idea. For one thing, Valentine's Day is at least peripherally associated with fucking, and we don't fuck. (I'm unable to think of any logical reason why not—you're clearly the perfect lover, and our liaison would scorch the pages of mammalian sexual history—but, you know, we just ended up Platonic, or at least snuggle-and-walks-and-bacon-treat-oriented. Funny how things go.) So, tempting as it is, I'm not going to ask you to be my Valentine.
I was thinking of asking you to be my 'squeeze', which seems to carry the right connotations of physical affection and intimacy and profound mutual comfort. But that also seems to be a sexual-pairing thing, and besides, when I squeeze you, you tend just to make odd breathy harmonic noises in peculiar minor keys. Also, sexually or not, I'll admit that I do occasionally finger your buttons (just too fuzzy and irresistible). So it's obvious really.
Mischa, I love you. Please be my accordion.
Love,
me.