Review: Kung Fu Femmes - Girls With Guns (original) (raw)

★★½

“What happens in Vegas…”

It’s weird what you stumble across on Amazon Prime. This is the feature-length version of a web series, originally made in 10 episodes. Just based on the title and description – “Delinquent girls are trained to perform risque but dangerous kung fu fight shows in a Las Vegas now owned and operated by the Chinese Mafia.” – I thought it best to wait until Chris was not around. Mostly because I’m not sure I could have stood the dripping sarcasm. Turns out, I needn’t have worried. Everyone remains attached to their clothes, and it’s resolutely PG-13 rated. Indeed, we actually see very little of the “risque” shows mentioned, which is a bit of a shame: the fragments we see, along with the training clips, suggest it’s something I’d love to attend in Vegas.

The story is mostly about Tyler (Tomlinson), who runs the troupe mentioned for casino magnate Michael Shang (Wong). He has taken over almost all the top locations there, for example, Caesar’s Palace is now Shang’s Palace. However, you don’t get to do that without some very shady business practice. Tyler is funneling information back to the FBI, in particular Agent Cook (Lorien), with the aim eventually being to take Shang down. It’s a perilous game for Tyler to be playing, and she also has to keep up appearances, finding and training girls for the show, which Shang wants to expand to a second venue. Not helping matters is the high mortality rate among the performers, apparently.due to in-show accidents.

The good news is, the actual fight scenes are pretty good. Not necessarily Tomlinson so much, but there are plenty of other actresses who know their way around a punch. Rising star Amy Johnston (Lady Bloodfight) shows up, briefly, as one of two girls who have a brawl… over a bag of chips! There are plenty of other good examples of fight choreography to be seen, sometimes for more justifiable reasons… The bad news? The video quality flat-out sucks. I’m hard pushed to believe this was shot in the late 2000’s, because it is horribly grainy and atrociously badly colour-balanced. Skin tones are particularly notable: there are times when people look badly sun-burned and suffering from jaundice at the same time. That’s quite some feat.

It’s so blatantly nauseating that it manages to distract badly from the other aspects, which are generally okay. [There are some gaffes, such as a scene supposedly taking place in Vegas, where a building in the background sports a 213 area code phone number. Uh, that’s Los Angeles…] The pacing is a bit off, as you’d partly expect from its origins as a web series. In particular, it feels like it ends, then suddenly we get a tacked on coda that bounces to San Diego, before returning to Vegas for a finale. Still, aside from the video, it wasn’t so bad. Creator Laudati has a bunch more short little films on Prime, and I might check a few out. Let’s just hope someone bought him a new camera…

Dir: Tony Laudati
Star: Michelle Tomlinson, Phoenix Wong. Serena Lorien, Anna Yosin