Engima (original) (raw)

My father passed away at the young age of 51 yesterday morning at Ebeid Hospice around 7:20/7:21am...it wasn't really him in the end. Just a body, a vessel, a submarine, a carrier. Everything that made him HIM was gone I think Saturday night, although he struggled to stay with us during Monday night.

He was so frustrated with having a raspy voice from the respirator tube being lodge in his throat for 3 weeks. From Tuesday Nov 8 - Sat Nov 26. Four days later he just gave up and gave into the infection the chemotherapy for NHL caused.

Hard to think I'll never hear his laughter or be able to roll my eyes from him just yabbering away about things he was so happy and passionate about. I feel horrible trying to turn my attention to focus so much on my training. I wanted to get back in shape for the cage, for a Judo black belt testing later this month. And I know he understood my desires and he encourages me all the time...

We started seeing each other nearly everyday recently. Driving around together. Singing off key to the music on the radio.

His main love was Star Trek. Comics from the golden, silver, and bronze age. He always tries to educate me on the eras and the names of all the comic book artists, artists that did work for pulp books/magazines like Doc Savage....

He loves Andy Griffith, Bewitch, I Dream of Jeanie, Gomer Pyle, Three Stogges...

His music interests varied from Frank Sinatra, The Rat Pack, to Beatles, The Archies, The Monkees, Dean Martin, Elvis, some old country and bluegrass...

He loved Kung Fu and Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.

He loved vampire shows like Forever Knight, Moonlight, Kindred the Embrace.

Enjoyed the quirks of Dead Like Me.

Him and I used to watch Family Guy before I moved out to start my life as a young lady adult.

He loved the Avengers. Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) and Steed... Cathy Gale (Honor Blackman) and Steed.

Absolutely loved Doctor Who from the beginning unlike me that jumped on the reboot wagon starting with the 9th Doctor.

I know he appreciate all the various doctors, but I'm pretty sure his favorite was the 4th Doctor, Tom Baker. Because maybe it was mainly he was the longest doctor and during my dad's mainstream period as a young teen/teenager.

He loved Eastern Philosophy and Medicine.

Loved Jerry Lewis. Andy Kaufman. Red Skeleton.

So many interests. So much knowledge about computers to the finer details of actors from one genre crossing over to another.

Favorite season I'm 99% was Christmas. The lights. The fresh snowfall. Christmas Trees. Decorations. Christmas cartoons, shows, movies.

He never really grew up. He WAS the biggest kid residing in a 51 year old man's body.

The last song him and I danced to was "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole at my wedding, 2.14.10

Then his stupid shoe lace came undone and he slipped and took out the table. He was so embarrassed and I was so worried that he hurt himself. But he came back up and we finished our father and daughter dance. We still talked about it quite often.

Talked about him and I getting stranded SEVERAL times in the Monroe/Sylvania district around or days before Christmas shopping around for gifts for mom.

This past May 2011, he thought he'd lost his daughter of fandom, that I had grown up. And he was so happy that he hadn't, that *I* hadn't, lost my passion or appreciation for various fandom. We became closer throughout the recent years.

We weren't always a perfect, Leave It to Beaver family, but that's what made us...well. Us.

We grew together and apart then together, always for the strong, with each stroke of the time.

I can sit here and think what if this, what if that, but what if despite everything was changed, that it would STILL boil down to this. To me and my mom stating December 1st, 2011 off without him. Her without a husband. Me without a dad.

This laptop that I'm typing on now was bought by him and my mom. My dad was kinda staring at him and shook his head when the last laptop donated by them kinda ended on the floor on its case lid--whoops--but he told me he'd try to figure it out. That very night I received this one.

He told me to shut up and just thank him for being an awesome dad. and he did that Matt Smith/11th Doctor thing, "WHO DA MAN?!" in the car... :)

He was only 51. I'm only 23.

It's not fair. Doesn't make sense. Never thought I'd feel this pain until YEARS later. Like, when I was in my 50s or 60s, when we'd be arguing over who would use the buckeye senior citizen discount card.

No one's laughter is quite as loud and filled with life as his.

I remember him and the gaming group. People go and come. Agroy wizard character. Leon.

My mind's just wheeling....so...unreal.

Love you dad. Ronald Lerue Wilcoxen.

June 23, 1960-November 30, 2011.

The baby that survived stupid ass birth parents from El Pase, Texas to make it all the way back to the safety of your grandparents in Belpre, Ohio who took you in as their own son, and you didn't care that they were 'grandparents', they were mom and dad. They were love. They were safety. Your sanctum. Your heart.

You never were ever useless or to be put in the corner. We were just a dysfunctional, loving family.

Glad that you were able to say my name, hear my and mom's voice, on your final coherent day.

I hope God allows a sign sometime to let me know you're safe on your next journey, that you know I miss you and love you, that you are still here with me watching over as my dad.

We will meet again, somehow, someway, I promise, pops.