her_answers (original) (raw)

	Advice from a Woman's perspective

her_answers Friends Only	[Friday March 3rd, 2006 at 9:18am]
Well, it took me awhile to figure out how the hell to do it, but I've made is so that all of the entries posted after this one will automatically be Friends Only. In the following days I'll try to get around to make a banner, but I have three midterms next week, so it might be awhile.FYI, if there is a post you would like to make public, you can still do that, but you must edit the entry after it's posted, and change the security then.If you have questions or comments, post them here!For those of you who are watching, but not currently members: Please do not forget to join the community. There are a few of you, if you'd like me to mention your names, just ask. From now on, only members can see the posts on her_answers in their entirety.
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Fathers	[Thursday March 2nd, 2006 at 2:27pm]
[ **mood** | blah ] no reffering to the crappy John Mayer song. so, my relationship with my dad is ridiculous. a little backround: My father is a brilliant man. He's got several degrees in mathematical engineering. It's his passion- I have yet to understand how anyone can feel passionate about mathematical engineering...but there you have it. He loves thinking about how things work. He's STILL employed with Lucent Tech, a little example of his devoted, respectable self. And he is. He's patient, rational, cheerful....and completely non-confrontational. Seriously. He doesn't like fighting. Hates it. I had no idea until I was 16...but my dad avoids emotional confrontation as much as humanly possible. He divorced my mother (almost entirely her fault...my mom's a narcissist), remarried someone entirely unlikely, and he's finally happy. And I love him.And he loves me. But he's so freaking scared of me. I take him to lunch, often as I can, and I visit. He's there for me, of course, whenever I need him (last night, to his utter suprised I showed up on his doorstep at 9:30, sobbing...I was having career change issues...), and while he was willing to help, comforting, and welcoming, he had no idea what to say.I can't bear the thought of drifting away from him because I'm not a simple little girl anymore- I'm a complicated, married 20 year old chasing a career in the arts. What do I do to bring us closer? I have a feeling I'll keep needing my dad around.
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	[Tuesday February 28th, 2006 at 10:23pm]
OK, I joined this community a while back and have just realised that I never actually did this whole introduction thing and thought that I probally should... so, here goes!Name we can call you by: LucyOccupation: Student, 1st Year Bsc Environmental Science.What you do when you're slacking off: Go on MSN, generally do a whole load of nothing. I am a first year student so am rather lazy! hehe.Significant other?: Nope. Sexual Preference?: Straight.Political affiliation--or the party that the least objectionable candidate normally sides with: Political questions... hmmmmm. erm... I dunno.So...why are you here? I like reading peoples problems and offer advice if I can at all.Best Compliment ever: You have a cute ass! haha... lol. I feel so stupid putting that...Age/Emotional age: 19/ emotional age... this is difficult! Probally 19 still... considering theres half of me which can act about 15 and another which is older. hm. Will go with 19 though.Please tell us whatever you want to help us get to know you better! I dont think theres anything right now that in general that could help me directly. I dont know myself that well I feel and sometimes I dont know why I do the things that I do so I guess I am still finding myself.Post a picture of yourself! (We're big into pictures here):
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oh my....	[Saturday February 25th, 2006 at 6:53pm]
[ mood** | confused ] My fiance just sent me this link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.htmlSicko "Marriage Contract" One For The AgesRepulsive "Wifely Expectations" pact emerges in Iowa kidnap caseFEBRUARY 17--This country, as you know, is filled with the deranged. And then there's Travis Frey, a 33-year-old Iowa man who is facing charges that he tried to kidnap his own wife (not to mention a separate child pornography rap). Frey, prosecutors contend, apparently is a rather demanding guy. In fact, he actually drew up a bizarre four-page marriage document--a "Contract of Wifely Expectations"--that sought to establish guidelines for his spouse in terms of hygiene, clothing, and sexual activities. In return for fulfilling certain requirements, Frey (pictured right) offered "Good Behavior Days," or GBDs. Each GBD, Frey wrote, could be redeemed by his wife to "get out of doing the things" he requested daily. A copy of the proposed contract, which Frey's wife never signed and later provided to cops, can be found below. While we normally point out the highlights of most documents, there are so many in this demented, and very graphic, contract, we really can't do it justice. So set aside ten minutes--and prepare to be repulsed. (4 pages)( Full contract under the cut...Collapse )**This guy is wacko.
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	[Thursday February 23rd, 2006 at 9:51pm]
[ **mood** | blah ] Am I the only girl who feels ashamed of herself when she fits a female stereotype?For example, I love literature, history, and the humanities in general, and I hate math and science. I love skirts and jewelry. I loved to play with dolls when I was a little girl. Chocolate makes me giddy. I watch more chick flicks than is probably healthy.I know trying to change who I am to not fit into a stereotype is just as bad as changing who I am to fit one, but it's hard! Sometimes I don't even know whether I really like chick flicks or if I'm still being socially indoctrinated into believing I should like chick flicks.Argh! *headdesk*
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Mod Update	[Thursday February 23rd, 2006 at 8:30am]
[ **mood** | thankful ] Last night around midnight, the community hit 70 members!I remember a couple of months ago when I originally brought the idea of her_answers to Beth (lovelark) and started the community, our ultimate goal was 40 members. Everday this little place grows, and it's amazing to me to see what people can get out of it. I always had a worry in the back of my mind that this place might not ever get off the ground. Your participation (as well as Beth's threats to post :P) has kept it alive; thank you!Over the past few months, a few new members have posted on the Members Info Page, so those of you who haven't visited in a while, go check it out, see who you have stuff in common with! Make sure you're logged in, or else you won't be able to see it.Also, for those of you who have this community on your friend's list, make sure you've actually joined it (by clicking here). If you haven't joined, you're missing out on all of the friends only posts, and there are a lot on this community.
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Old-Fashioned?	[Wednesday February 22nd, 2006 at 8:49pm]
[ **mood** | Pondering... ] So, I'm really hesitant to post/ask this due to the number of people that actually know me. To those: don't be alarmed! It was a conversation that a friend and I had.Anyway, the real purpose is to ask y'all what your opinions on eloping are? Is it too old-fashioned? Is it irrational and stupid? Is it a passive-aggressive way out of or around something?What do you think?
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Ugh, self-esteem and body image...	[Monday February 20th, 2006 at 4:18am]
[ mood** | angry ] I've been doing some thinking on women and the pressures we face to look what society considers "attractive." Also struggling with my own self-esteem issues regarding my appearance and it spurred me to write a rant. I put it under the cut in case you don't feel like reading my random thoughts about my own body image and my pessimistic views on society. Also written with heterosexual relationships in mind, as it is based on my own experinces. ;)( Body Image RantCollapse )**
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not grieving exactly...	[Wednesday February 15th, 2006 at 7:33am]
[ **mood** | depressed ] Yesterday I found out that someone I knew as a very young boy killed himself. He was a friend of my younger brothers when they were in grade school. I haven't since him since he was about 10. He was 17 when he laid down on the tracks.Our aqquaintance was incidental back when I lived in my old neighborhood, and I know NOTHING about the half-man he had become..but for some reason I can't shake this horrible feeling. You see, when I moved away from West Chicago, I was 14 years old. In my mind, nothing changed there. I left the little boys, and the neighborhood and the houses frozen in time...and to me, it's not a 17 year who killed himself, it's 10 year old kyle, missing a tooth.I have no right to mourn this boy. I haven't thought of him once since I left, but his purposeful death is jarring to me,Thoughts? Comments? Ideas?I'm just trying to find a way to steady myself. It's strange since this isn' an immediate loss, all my coping techniques don't apply. There's not a void left inside me, just a startling realization that one can never go home again.
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Someone who will cherish your name...	[Sunday February 5th, 2006 at 2:52am]
[ **mood** | contemplative ] I work with a really amazing woman named Brooke. Brooke has been with Friday's for 5 years and is by far our best server. She's blunt and she's honest and she has limited bull shit tolerance for sure. She's incredibly intimidating but when you get her in a conversation she'll teach you everything. She makes you think about everything you do and say, its crazy.This evening after our day shifts, Brooke and I were discussing the guy I'm dating. I was mentioning some things he's said and done lately that have been kind of a turn off. She asked me why I put up with it? I told her I wasn't in it for the long run. She immediately became a different person. She started putting together the words in her head to tell me how crazy of an idea that was. She said, "Wasting time is making mistakes. Think about it." She asked me, "Do you want women to put their hands on your husband?" Of course I said "No". She continued, "Then why put your hands on someone else's husband?" She told me that it bothers her to know how many women her finace has been with and to know how many people she's been with. "It's upsetting to think about how many women have put their hands all over the love of my life." At first I thought she was crazy, but I've thought about it for the whole night. It's part of the reason I am still awake right now. She's absolutely right. I dont want my husband to have had all these other women in his life because he was meant for me! He is the person I was supposed to be with and its almost as if the other women took him from me before I even got there. Maybe I'm sounding crazy too. At a glance this is almost like preaching abstinence, but I hope you see where its more than that. Out of respect for you and your future husbands, ladies, I pledge my hands off policy. Because I could sleep with the next guy and he could end up marrying you, he could be the person you want to grow old with, but I had my hands all over him first. Now how do you feel? I hope that out of respect for me or your friends and our future husbands, you will do the same. I'm done wasting my time with guys that aren't meant for me. Its not fair for me to occupy their time or put my hands all over someone else's someone. I'm not looking for a soul mate at 18, I'm just not spending more time on relationships that are meant to happen between two other people. Dating isnt that much fun for me anyways. I don't like the mind games or the desperate attmept to hide all feelings or the mile long list of do's and dont's so as not to scare the other person off. I'm done with games. Don't ever settle. Don't ever take what you can get, instead find the beauty in waiting for what you deserve.
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Thought you all might enjoy this uplifting quote:	[Saturday February 4th, 2006 at 9:31pm]
[ **mood** | contemplative ] "If you ask me...Too many of us don't see who we are when we look in the mirror. If you're one of the lucky ones who do, congratulate yourself, because an awful lot of women I hear from see who they are not. 'My breasts are too small!' writes one. 'My nose is too big!" cries another. 'Too small, too big, too fat, too thin for what?' is the question. For the crazy, illogical ideal of how women think we should look? 'Make me look like her,' we say to the surgeon or the hairdresser or the trainer at the gym, pointing to a photo of some movie star or model. Will someone tell me why anyone volunteers to be a clone? There has never, ever been a you before; there will never be another. It is an honor to be you. So when you look in the nirror, smile! That's you." It's actually from Marie Claire magazine. X-posted to my own journal.
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	[Friday February 3rd, 2006 at 5:54pm]
[ **mood** | pissed off ] Okay so this isn't really a question so much as an observation and my own experiences but I needed to share it because in real life my mum seems to be the only one who understands exactly how it made me feel and I wondered if anyone had any good ways of handling these people...I went to a nightclub last night (for my first time) and didn't enjoy it at all. Admittedly it was fun for about the first hour but after that the whole thing just got to me. I kind of expected that I wouldn't like it, but that didn't change the fact later on. Like everywhere else guys like whores. Although admittedly this helped keep them away from me :) Whenever anyone had the bright idea of attempting to try and make me dance though I've realised that I must be a lot gayer than I thought I was (which was bisexual with a leaning towards men) because I could not stand the thought of dancing with them. I just felt disgusted when any of them (not that two are all that many) tried to touch me at all - even just on the shoulder trying to get my attention. I think it has something to do with me being a determined feminist who can't stand seeing women being exploited for men's sick pleasure. But whatever it was I hated being in the position I was in just because I was female and how I was just expected to put up with it as it was 'normal'. In the end I ended up just standing there with my arms crossed looking like a complete bitch but when some guy came up to me and said somthing along the lines of "Loosen up gorgeous" I just fled into the toilets and ended up crying in a cubicle until my friends found me. Just the whole attitude that I should be happy and "loose" just for them and the fact that it was such a superficial environment (which of course it would be) in which my intelligence/personality etc had absolutely no value it made me feel like a piece of meat, so I couldn't wait to get home. I'm so much happier in loose clothes and no make up reading a book than that disgusting environment in which we're meant to enjoy being exploited.
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My Introduction	[Friday February 3rd, 2006 at 12:45am]
[ **mood** | groggy ] Name we can call you by: Megan Occupation: College student, girlfriend of 2 years and 5 months, full-time horse owner, and part-time barn-hand. What you do when you're slacking off: I usually lie around in my p.j's, drinking hot tea, and reading. Significant other?: He would be Joel, age of 20, a 4th of July baby, and a Harley-Davidson technician/service manager. Sexual Preference?: Die-hard guy-fanatic for 18 yrs. with a determination for continuance. Political affiliation--or the party that the least objectionable candidate normally sides with: I'm a self-proclaimed Independent. I agree with a little bit of each side and I also hold my own opinions as well. So...why are you here? I am a young woman and as such, I wish to keep myself aware of everything I experience now, and what I will eventually experience as I grow older. I think this community will offer plenty of knowledgable information and advice that might help me along the way. Best Compliment ever: "You are nothing but yourself and nothing could be better." Age/Emotional age: 18/on good days: at least 22--on bad: 5. Please tell us whatever you want to help us get to know you better! Well, I have a few loves (of my life) which include: my guy, my dog (Jack), my horse (Loverboy), my bass guitar, and my immense book collection. I have a MASSIVE dysfunctional family, I'm the oldest of 8; 5 brothers, 2 sisters and me (hooray for divorce)! I'm attending college, majoring in Art Education. and I love music, specifically Grunge and Alternative (I'm stuck in the 90's...).
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Weird dreams....help.	[Wednesday February 1st, 2006 at 7:55am]
[ mood** | guilty ] x posted on my journal.Last night was hard. I mean, the voice lesson was excellent, and I hit some spectacular notes, if I do say so myself, and Marion and I had a good time going to dinner after- it was just the insomnia. I couldn't sleep. Marion was out like a light, and after 45 minutes, lying, eying him with something between admiration and resentment I woke him up and tried to wear myself out- it was fun, but it did no good with the sleep issue. His back started acting up, to he had to move to the highly comfortable couch, and I moved with him and curled up next to him on the floor reading my book. It took me until 2 am to finally get to sleep.( cut for adult themes...Collapse )**
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