FIC - Deja Vu - Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer - PG (original) (raw)

Title: Deja Vu
Author: Circe
Fandoms: Harry Potter/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander Harris/Harry Potter
Rating: PG

Xander needs another unrequited crush on a Hero Complex like he needs a hole in his head. But here he is, Stupidity Mark 2, and once again his destiny comes in a delightfully compact package with a penchant for saving the day.

Harry Potter is dark where Buffy Summers was blonde, wears clothes that don't fit him as opposed to kicky boots, but there the differences basically end. Sometimes it freaks Xander out -- his life has utterly changed, but absolutely everything is the same.

No, seriously. It's like he's blundered into one of those alternate universes that Anya used to talk about. The one with no shrimp, maybe, though for some reason Xander always thought that one might be more pirate-y. So maybe it's a universe where the only difference is that OJ Simpson was found guilty, and that's why everything's gone wacky-crazy-deja vu.

There's the gay thing, of course. That's different, and Xander's still not quite comfortable, though he can't read Harry on the subject. As far as Xander knows, there's not been another guy in Harry's life before; what Xander's heard of British boarding schools could go a long way to explaining just how good Harry is at sucking him off. But for all Harry tells him, there could have been a dozen men in his bed, every one as beautiful as that Malfoy character who looks and acts too much like Spike for Xander to ever care for him. Also like Spike, Malfoy has a tendency to bugger off when he's needed most, but Xander always secretly admired that and besides there are already more than enough reasons to dislike the ferrity little bastard.

Moral grey is so five minutes ago.

The rest of Harry's friends come and go, and they're part of the problem, too. Xander sees Willow in Hermione, sees himself in Ron (and in that Neville guy). There's a bit of the Watcher's Council, he suspects, in the Order of the Phoenix thingy. Shady characters in another country trying to guilt Harry into doing what they want, no matter the human cost. Blah blah blah et cetera ad naseum.

Xander spends a lot of time being angry. Not at Harry, but yes, at Harry. Because, like Buffy, Harry's a born fucking martyr, and Xander wonders if this is part and parcel of being a walking/talking Hero Complex. Draco Malfoy has an opinion on that -- he smirks about for a few days before saying it's a load of Muggle rubbish, that Harry just needs to get the stick out of his arse and realize he's the one in charge, not bloody Dumbledore.

He looks into Malfoy's arrogant pointy face and into Harry's beloved weary one, and asks Malfoy nicely to get the fuck out. Xander realizes belatedly that, in his own unique way, Malfoy might have been trying to help, but screw that. Aren't they all?

Inevitably, as the clouds loom and the end of the world grows nigh, Xander finds himself feeling more and more useless. He still doesn't have the super strength, he still doesn't have the magic powers, he's still just the guy with one eye and a tool belt and absolutely no understanding of ancient runes. Comfortable old Xander, foot soldier in a war he isn't equipped to fight.

Yet at night Harry Potter crawls into their bed and curls toward him. Harry's slender fingers clutch at Xander's skin; it's for him that Harry's feverish eyes grow slow with sex. Only Xander gets to smooth gentle hands over that livid lightning scar. Only for Xander does Harry ever truly relax. Harry never really opens up and Xander, having experience with this kind of thing, never really expects him to. But see, in Xander's arms Harry becomes a person, not a weapon, and maybe, Xander thinks, that's enough. That's the part Xander has to play, for all of their sakes.

So Xander's sitting on the back porch of his new house, the one he built himself in the lazy days after the fall of everything. He watches Harry talk quietly to the owl before sending her off, a white splash against the dark sky. He waits for the other shoe to drop, and the waiting hurts, just like he remembers it did so many times before.

Xander's no hero. But he surrounds himself with people who are, and he's gotta figure that a guy who does that, he gets everything he deserves.